TV Quotes

Michael Scott: Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?

Jim: Karen, any news from that law firm?
Karen: Yeah, the deal closed yesterday. It's a six-month commitment.
Jim: Oh, my God! Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Jim: You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not.
Jim: Dwight, you know what, just back off, okay? That's making me uncomfortable. This is sexual harassment, by the way. Oh, my God, he's got a knife!
Dwight K. Schrute: I do not have a knife.
Jim: No. Let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?
Dwight K. Schrute: Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar!
Jim: Dwight Schrute is now wearing a baby's bonnet.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am not.

Phyllis: Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in. Dwight, get his autograph for Michael-
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim Carrey did not just walk in, okay?

Karen: Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?
Jim: Oh, my God, Karen, you're right. That is Animal from the Muppet Babies.
Dwight K. Schrute: You can't see my stomach.

Stanley: Oh, Michael, I'm glad you're here.
Michael Scott: Stanley. You know what? It is really good to see you, too.
Stanley: My bonus check was $100 less than you promised.
Michael Scott: Okay, well, payroll is in charge of all of that.
Stanley: They said I should talk to you.
Michael Scott: Well, I am just getting settled in. So I'm gonna-
Stanley: I am not doing a lick more work until I get my full bonus check.
Michael Scott: You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers, mon.

Michael Scott: You know what, Pam? Make a note. I want us all to start having piña coladas every day at 3:00.
Pam: Well, you can't today. We're doing inventory.
Michael Scott: Inventory's at the end of December.
Pam: We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed.
Michael Scott: [groaning] I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it.

Michael Scott: Tonight, we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin Warehouse Inventory. So, Party Planning Committee, get on it.
Angela: By the end of the day? That's impossible.
Michael Scott: The Jamaicans don't have a word for "impossible".
Jim: Yep, it's English. It's "impossible".

Michael Scott: How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need.

Michael Scott: There is something I would like to show everybody. See this sign? "No shirt. No shoes. No problem." This is an attitude I would like all of you to have right here. So what if we have to stay late and do inventory? No problem.

Michael Scott: Hey, man, how's it going?
Darryl: All right. What's up, Mike?
Michael Scott: That's great. Okay. Um. So did you get an e-mail from me?
Darryl: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Okay. Well, that was supposed to go to Packer, not Packaging. Did you already forward it to a whole bunch of people?
Darryl: Uh-uh.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Darryl: Well, did you get the second e-mail that I sent explaining that the first e-mail was a mistake and that you should delete it?
Michael Scott: Yep. Have you sent that out to everyone?
Darryl: Mike, I'm very busy down here.