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37Quotes from ‘A Benihana Christmas (Part 1)’

The Office: A Benihana Christmas (Part 1)

310. A Benihana Christmas (Part 1)

Aired December 14, 2006

Michael is distraught when Carole breaks up with him at Christmas. Meanwhile, Pam and Karen start a splinter party planning group after a disagreement with Angela.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now, because- Well, I'll just tell you.
Jim: What?
Pam: For the past few months, I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA.
Jim: Are you serious?
Pam: They're considering him for a top-secret mission. There's his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he'd never, ever tell. "Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but, really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp." Wow. So, here's the gift. You get to decide what his top-secret mission is. Sorry I didn't wrap it.

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: I need my entourage. Jim! Dwight! Ryan. Come on. We're going to Asian Hooters.
Ryan: Oh, man, I can't.
Michael Scott: Why not?
Ryan: I'm not feeling so well. I got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy. I just ate there last night.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch.
Phyllis: I thought you said green was whorish.
Angela: No. Orange is whorish.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas.
Pam: No! Why did you bring that here?
Dwight K. Schrute: Don't worry, she's dead. Oh, wait. He's dead.
Pam: Dwight? What-
Dwight K. Schrute: I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pam: Well, get it out of here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Relax, okay? And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. So, can you watch this? I'm gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk.
Toby: Oh, Dwight, we talked about this.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Toby, this is different. He's already dead.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Once I brought in a duck to prepare for lunch, and people got upset. Apparently they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease, and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
Jim: Win-win.
Dwight K. Schrute: Exactly. Thank you, Jim.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it will fit, with all these little knick-knacks.
Jim: Wow. What kind of bike is that?
Michael Scott: I don't know. Average kind.
Kevin: The tires look pretty worn.
Michael Scott: Well, that is probably from the test drive.
Jim: But the paint's chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael?
Michael Scott: No.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Andy: Michael?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Andy: If I may say, she's even prettier than you described her.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, ouch! Michael, I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you described her.

Quote from Michael Scott

Carole: What is this?
Michael Scott: That is my Christmas card. It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. "Ski-eason's Greetings."
Carole: No. See, we never went on a ski trip.
Michael Scott: I know.
Carole: I know. I went on a ski trip-
Michael Scott: Right.
Carole: -two years ago with my kids and my ex-husband.
Michael Scott: Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you, in a sense. I was in your heart-
Carole: Michael.
Michael Scott: -and next to your kids. What?
Carole: This is so weird.

Quote from Jim

Jim: It's a bold move to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael's a bold guy. Is "bold" the right word?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled.
Stanley: You can't cancel a holiday.
Michael Scott: Keep it up, Stanley, and you'll lose New Year's.
Stanley: What does that mean?
Michael Scott: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.

Quote from Jim

Pam: Michael, what's going on?
Michael Scott: Carole and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances.
Jim: Will they still air Rudolph?

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Why don't you just buy the whole song?
Michael Scott: I don't have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just want- I just want a little taste of it.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Hey, Karen, sorry about that meeting today. That was really crazy.
Karen: Yeah, right? I'm so glad you said that. Because I don't know how those meetings usually go.
Pam: Um, usually like that.
Karen: Does anyone ever stand up to Angela? Or-
Pam: I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face.
Karen: [laughs] Right.

Quote from Karen

Angela: What is that? "The Committee to Plan Parties invites you "to a Margarita-Karaoke-Christmas"? There's no such thing as the Committee to Plan Parties.
Pam: There is now. We just started it.
Angela: Well, you can't just start a committee. You have to have funding.
Karen: What's your funding?
Angela: Two hundred dollars.
Pam: What's ours again?
Karen: Two hundred and one dollars.

Quote from Pam

Kelly: Hey, a margarita-karaoke- Christmas party. That sounds like fun.
Angela: No. That is not a party. There is only one party, and it's hosted by the Party Planning Committee, and it starts at 3:00.
Kevin: Then why are there two flyers?
Karen: I understand that this is confusing for everyone. Let me explain. There's a party that starts at 3:00 and then there's a way more fun party that starts at 2:45.
Pam: Right, and if you're interested in the way-more-fun party, all the info can be found here, on our more brightly colored flyer.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately. They will be returned to you on January 4.
Jim: Okay, I think I can help here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, good.
Jim: As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees, and I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, this is stupid.
Jim: Could you please keep it down? I'm in session. I have determined that this committee is valid.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then- [sobbing] Then suddenly she's not your ho no mo'!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I can't hear what you're saying.
Michael Scott: Carole used to drink lattes.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who're you talking about?
Michael Scott: She would get this little foam mustache-
Dwight K. Schrute: Carole had a mustache?
Michael Scott: -and I used to say, "Hey, got latte?" And she'd say, "That's not funny."
Dwight K. Schrute: What are you guys talking about?
Michael Scott: She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh-
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael?
Michael Scott: to enjoy each other.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael.
Michael Scott: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Repeat what you said louder!

Quote from Pam

Pam: I would like it off my desk.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, Pam, take a chill pill.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [singing, while riding a bicycle] Deck the halls with boughs of holly Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la 'Tis [beep]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey! I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam chops-
Pam: Can I help you, Michael?
Michael Scott: -with mint.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend, Carole, is coming to our party tonight and I have a little surprise for her. [singing] I've got two tickets to paradise. Pack your bags. We're leaving day after tomorrow. I'm taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means, right?

Quote from Michael Scott

Carole: Hi. Is Michael around here?
Michael Scott: There she is! A Christmas Carole. Hello. You're about five hours early to the party. Oh, you're such a blonde.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Fine! Have your party. Just no guests.
Phyllis: But we invited guests.
Michael Scott: Well, you know what, Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid, rotten mess.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [wailing] It hurts.
Pam: I know.
Michael Scott: It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms.
Pam: Okay, well, why are you laying like that?
Michael Scott: Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts?
Pam: Like what?
Michael Scott: Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed that were-
Pam: What
Michael Scott: -foreign and scary?
Pam: I- I don't really-
Michael Scott: And not that you didn't want to try them. Some wine might have helped. Do you know what I'm referring to?
Pam: I don't need to know.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael?
Michael Scott: Yeah?
Dwight K. Schrute: Sorry to interrupt. It appears we're one bathrobe short.
Michael Scott: Take it from Toby.
Dwight K. Schrute: Copy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Pam, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me? It's all-
Pam: No, thank you.
Michael Scott: Okay.

Quote from Angela

Karen: So, I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle Okay.
Angela: It would never work here.
Karen: Okay. Another idea was karaoke.
Angela: No.
Karen: A Christmas drinking game.
Meredith: Yes!
Angela: God help you.
Karen: What?
Angela: These are all terrible ideas. And none of them are on the theme of a Nutcracker Christmas. I think you should leave.
Karen: You're kidding.
Angela: You tried this out, and it's clearly not for you. It's time to go.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Look at this, she saved you $2,000 because they failed to report a mold problem. But wouldn't that affect the final- How did she- Oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. That Carole is one smart cookie.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I feel like I've been kind of cold to Karen. And there's no real reason for it. I mean, it's not like she's ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn't be cold to her.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Yep, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that's what you want, right?

Quote from Andy

Dwight K. Schrute: Pam and Karen, I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning immediately.
Pam: You can't do that.
Dwight K. Schrute: As ranking number three in this office, I am order-
Andy: Uh, I'm number three.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're number four.
Andy: Yeah, but I'm number three.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. Come on! My treat.
Michael Scott: All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway.
Andy: That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too.
Michael Scott: Hooters?
Andy: No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too.

Quote from Roy

Roy: So I only use three?
Pam: If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong.
Roy: OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows?
Pam: Oh, I just get those at any party supply place.
Roy: OK. Are you sure I can't use like, the cartoons from the newspaper?
Pam: Oh yeah, your mom would love that.

Quote from Andy

Andy: So she looks at me, right, and she goes, "I'm sorry. Do I even know you?" After a year! A year of buying lattes from her. Do you believe that?
Jim: Yes.

Quote from Pam

Angela: Also, I would like to inform you that, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now.
Pam: Our party is also starting now.


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