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41Quotes from ‘Business Trip’

The Office: Business Trip

508. Business Trip

Aired November 13, 2008

Michael, Andy and Oscar travel to Canada to make a sales call. Meanwhile, Jim is counting down the days until Pam returns, and Ryan tries to get back with Kelly.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Did you know that in Morocco it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan, you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. In Italy, you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. This is considered to be polite.
Jim: Why are you telling us this?
Michael Scott: I am jetting off on an international business trip.
Jim: Where you going?
Michael Scott: To Can-ada.
Jim: Where is it?
Michael Scott: Canada.
Jim: Okay.

Quote from David

David: I was happy to send Michael on this trip. He's been feeling pretty down since we had to transfer Holly up to New Hampshire and... But this little perk really seemed to turn him around. And it's pretty tough to find somebody who wants to go up to Winnipeg mid-November.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Meredith: Pam failed art school.
Dwight K. Schrute: Huh. Wow. Doesn't surprise me.
Jim: Excuse me?
Dwight K. Schrute: Have you seen her painting, Jim? The building? There are shadows coming from two different directions.
Phyllis: Dwight, stop it.
Stanley: Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: What? Are there two suns?
Meredith: Come on.
Stanley: Oh, my God.
Dwight K. Schrute: Last I checked, that's not an office building in the Andromeda galaxy.
Jim: I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's totally unrealistic. No lines in the parking lot.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: My boss is sending me abroad to do a presentation to an international client. And I have always been intrigued by all things international: the women, the pancakes, the Man of Mystery.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: A concierge is the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha. This is a woman who has been trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure. And when you meet one, it is intoxicating. Just what the doctor ordered.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Why have I stayed at Dunder Mifflin for so long? Certainly not because of the paycheck. 'Cause I could be making more money as a doctor or a professional athlete. I think it's because they respect me. A boss that will not fire you even though you just tell him off right to his face over the phone, that's respect.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Meredith, I'd like you to pretend that you are from Abu Dhabi.
Meredith: Hellooo.
Michael Scott: I am ashamed at your naked face. I must cover it with my jacket. You are now sexy in your culture.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: [on the phone] Do you have your passport?
Michael Scott: I have my passport.
David: Got your per diem?
Michael Scott: I have my per diem. I already know what I am going to spend this on. I'm going to buy a sweater.
David: Michael, that's for your food.
Michael Scott: Well, I'll just- I'll use different money for that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And business class air, like a five-star hotel in the sky, nothing but the best. Actually, better than a five-star hotel 'cause you get a big, cushy seat and you sit in a row of people. And to eat, whatever the mind can imagine. I think I am going to have a filet with mushroom sauce.
David: [on the phone] Well, I'm just glad you're happy, 'cause, you know, I felt bad.
Michael Scott: Well, that is all the past.
David: And in terms of nightlife, when you get there, just ask the concierge.
Michael Scott: They have one of those?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Do you have your money belt?
Michael Scott: I do. It is right here.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no, no, no, no. You want to wear that puppy right up on the breastbone like a bra.
Michael Scott: No, I don't want to wear a bra.
Dwight K. Schrute: Let me help you.
Michael Scott: Stop it! Stop it!
Dwight K. Schrute: You want to get robbed in a foreign country? I wash my hands of this.

Quote from Michael Scott

Oscar: I made egg salad sandwiches. Do you want one?
Michael Scott: Could you have picked something stinkier to bring on a plane? My God, Oscar. Really? Do you have a bag of baby poop in there too, to share with everybody? No, I'll be ordering my own food. Thank you very much. I'd like to see a menu, please.
Stewardess: I'm sorry, there are no meals on flights less than two hours.
Michael Scott: Oh, okay. [looks back at Oscar] Doesn't matter, because I am going to take a nap. I think I'm going to use my complimentary blindfold. I will don it... And, oh, look at that. I can't see because I am in a- Ow!
Stewardess: And what would you like to drink?

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Just checking out where I'm gonna be pretty soon. When Pam gets back. Gonna be close quarters. Gonna be a lot of tension.
Kelly: For you. I'm with Darryl.
Ryan: This looks like where I'll probably do my push-ups every day.
Kelly: Is that supposed to impress me?

Quote from Michael Scott

Andy: We are gonna find out where the action is, my friend. Where's the concierge?
Michael Scott: Yes, Wallace said there would be one of those.
Andy: Bingo. Follow moi, bro-sieur. What about a nice sushi place? Maybe a place with a view?
Concierge: Oh, Matsuki. That's a good one. Well, you may walk there if you wish or you may take the number 17 bus until 9:00. Other than that, you can take the taxi and the number is right there.
Michael Scott: Wow. I'm blown away by this. I, um- This is great. Thank you.
Andy: One final question. Where might you find yourself on a Winnipeg night like tonight?
Concierge: Oh, The Huntsman is good. Down here. The financial district.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Excuse me, hello. Concierge Marie. Michael Scott. Good to see you again.
Concierge: Good to see you. This is my associate from Dunder Mifflin. Oscar Martinez.
Oscar: Nice to meet you.
Concierge: Oscar.
Michael Scott: Works in accounting. This is concierge Marie. Who works at our hotel. You look how you say, radiant tonight.
Concierge: Thank you.
Michael Scott: And it is how you say, a beautiful night.
Pam: Michael, why?
Michael Scott: She's foreign.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged whatever. A guy needs intercourse.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: How about this one? It's Christmas Eve and everything is closed, and you need to get some dry cleaning done. Twelve o'clock, midnight. What do you do? What do you do? Come on. What do you do?
Concierge: Uh, Astro Cleaners on St. James Place is the only place that is open on that day.
Michael Scott: Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: If you don't mind me asking-
Andy: Anything. You can ask me anything. I'm your wingman.
Oscar: It's just that, I've sat next to Angela for a very long, very long time.
Andy: Right-o.
Oscar: How could anyone stand that woman?
Andy: What?
Oscar: What do you see in her? - What do you see in Angela?
Andy: What do I see in Angela?
Oscar: I wanna know.
Andy: I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. She is teaching me to be a better person. And she's working really hard on that. And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have sex with her.
Oscar: You haven't had sex?
Andy: No.
Oscar: Are you guys waiting to get married, or?
Andy: Honestly, I don't know what we're waiting for.
Oscar: Andy, something is wrong with that woman.
Andy: What is wrong with her?
Oscar: I'd like to know. You should call and ask. I'd like to know what's wrong with her.
Andy: I should call her and ask her. What is wrong with her?
Oscar: Do it. Call her. Oh my god, don't call her Andy. Don't call her.

Quote from Andy

Angela: [answering the phone] Hello?
Andy: What is wrong with you?
Oscar: Why won't you do Andy?
Angela: What?
Andy: That's Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me, and I think it's a valid question.
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: This is Andy Bernard.
Angela: I know who this is.
Andy: I wanna take you to sex school.
Angela: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: [at Angela's] Who is that, monkey?
Andy: Is somebody there?
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: I have needs.
Angela: We will discuss this later.
Andy: Naked.
Angela: What?
Andy: I want to see you naked.

Quote from Andy

Andy: That was fun last night.
Oscar: Yeah, it was.
Andy: You know, it's true what they say. Long Island Iced Teas are way stronger in Canada.
Oscar: Hey, thanks for trying to hook me up.
Andy: You kiddin' me? It's what I do. Get the whole nine 'Nards.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: This can't happen again.
Ryan: This has to happen again. Darryl can't happen again. Look at me. Do you want me to do more push-ups?
Kelly: Yeah.
Ryan: You have to break up with Darryl. I already typed out a text message for you. All you have to do is press "send."
Kelly: I don't know. I mean, it's well-written and all, I just-
Ryan: Has to be done. We'll press "send" together.
Kelly: My god. He's gonna kill us.
Ryan: I'd like to see him try.
Kelly: Oh. He says it's cool. He said, "it's cool!"
Ryan: That's all he wrote?
Kelly: That's all he wrote.
Ryan: Can I see it? Didn't you two date for a long time?
Kelly: Uh-huh. This is like a fairy tale!

Quote from Andy

Andy: Oh, man, she's so pissed. She's taking us back to first base.
Oscar: What's first base with Angela?
Andy: I get to kiss her forehead.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I had a good time hanging out this weekend.
Oscar: I had a good time, too.
Andy: Wingman for life. W.M.F.L.
Oscar: Thank you.
Andy: You up for a chest bump?
Oscar: No.
Andy: Bro hug?
[Oscar holds his hand out for Andy to shake]
Andy: Back to basics. I like it.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: I had to go all the way to Canada to get to know a guy who sits 20 feet away from me. And he's delightful!

Quote from Pam

Pam: I'm coming back the wrong way. It's not because of you. I don't like graphic design. That's it. Stop smiling.
I really didn't like it. It's just designing logos and stuff. And I missed Scranton. But it is not because I missed you.
I just really wanted to come home. And I know you said to come home the right way, but you can't tell me what to do. Got it?
Jim: I missed you.
Pam: I missed you, too.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: You're back.
Pam: Uh, yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good. I need you to make five copies of these.
Pam: I'm not going inside.
Dwight K. Schrute: All right. First thing in the morning, then.
Jim: [to Pam] Welcome back.

Quote from Jim

Kevin: T- minus...
Jim: 6.5 days.
[Creed rubs Jim's shoulders and leans in close]
Creed: One more week.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Pam comes back from New York next week and everyone here has just been so excited for me. And involved. And intrusive. And weird.
[back:]
Phyllis: One more week.
Stanley: Heh heh. [Stanley gives Jim a naughty look]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Let's do this!
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait. Why do you need three suitcases?
Michael Scott: Two are empty for souvenirs.

Quote from Andy

Michael Scott: Where's my translator?
Andy: Ici, monsieur. I'm just bidding a bon voyage à la mon petite fiancée. Translation: Good-bye, my petite fiancée.
Angela: Be good.
Andy: I will try.
Angela: Meaning what?
Andy: Meaning I will try to get other dudes laid.

Quote from Meredith

Michael Scott: Our town car awaits.
Meredith: It's just a van.
Michael Scott: It's not just a van.
Meredith: Look, I know my way around a van. That is just a van.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Welcome to Cribs, the Business class edition. Check this out. Mimosa.
Andy: Sweet!
Michael Scott: Handed it to me. As I sat down. This was my hot towel. It is still wet.
Andy: Michael G. Scott, rollin' like a pimp!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yes, this is Beth. This is my personal valet, slash flight attendant, and she'll be helping me this morning.
Beth: We need to keep the aisle clear.
Michael Scott: Get back. Get back, come on. Get back to the slums!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [whispering[ Hey, guys. Check it out. My own personal DVD player and 20 movies.
Oscar: [whispering] Andy brought one, too.
Andy: [loudly, wearing headphones] Harry and the Hendersons.
Michael Scott: Keep it down.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: No, not gonna happen. He has hurt me too much and too often and I am in a healthy relationship now. So, I'm not gonna flaunt it, I'm not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed.
[cut to Kelly and Ryan kissing passionately on a work surface]
Kelly: What are we doing? This is so wrong.

Quote from Jim

Jim: [on the phone] Are you sure?
Pam: I just talked to my advisor. Failing.
Jim: I thought you were good at Flash.
Pam: I was. And then they switched to Acrobat just as I was learning Quark. I hate computers.
Jim: Okay, it's no big deal. So you're not a computer geek.
Pam: I have to stay and retake it.
Jim: Wow. Um. Well, okay.
Pam: That means another twelve weeks. Can you do another three months of this?
Jim: It's not- It's not about me. I mean, this is your dream. And you went to New York to do this. So when you come back, you come back the right way. Right?

Quote from Andy

Michael Scott: Guys, she's in there.
Andy: Engaging wings.
Oscar: I'm probably gonna leave after one drink.
Andy: Yeah, with a hot slab of Canadian bacon in your hand.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Everybody's going to end up dying someday, and I think it's better to die with some people that you like like Oscar and Andy, and concierge Marie, than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with.

Quote from Andy

Andy: All right. I've scoped out the joint. Those two dudes are as good as naked.
Oscar: How do you even know they're gay?
Andy: Come on! It's Dandy Dale and Foppy McGee over there. Mademoiselle! Beer me dos Long Island Iced Teas, s'il vous plaît. Bad decision in a glass.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Do you guys like apples?
Guy #1: What?
Andy: Do you like apples?
Guy #1: Uh, sorry... what?
Andy: Well, how do you like these apples? Alright, on a scale of 1 - 10, how hot is that dude?
Guy #2: Is he your boyfriend or something?
Andy: No, but he could be yours if you play your cards right.
Guy #1: Dude, leave us alone alright?
Andy: Gentleman. [walks away]
Oscar: What are you doing?
Andy: Dude, you struck out. They're totally stuck up. Here... drink up.

Quote from Andy

Oscar: I can't believe we called her up. [laughing]
Andy: Totally. Who?
Oscar: I'm talking about Angela. I can't believe we called her up last night.
Andy: We called Angela?
Oscar: You called her.
Andy: That was real? I thought I dreamed that. Oh, god!
Oscar: All right.
Andy: Oh, god! So bad.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: [on the phone] Sounds like somebody had a good trip.
Michael Scott: No, actually, the trip sucked.
David: Excuse me?
Michael Scott: The trip sucked, David. It blew chunks. It was terrible. It was a bad trip.
David: What are you talking about?
Michael Scott: I did not like the trip. Well, starting with the airport shuttle, which was basically just a van. And business class, which was basically just coach. And the hotel which sucked big time.
David: The hotel? What, M-
Michael Scott: It was not- It sucked.
David: I'm sorry to hear the hotel was bad.
Michael Scott: Oh, and thanks for the tip on the concierge. That was great. That was great. That was- That was a really good choice.
David: Hey, hey, Michael. Please, listen for a second.
Michael Scott: No, David, you listen to me. Why did you send her away? That- God! You knew I liked her and you just sent her away. And that-That was a sucky thing to do, man.
David: Michael, sometimes-
Michael Scott: That was a really sucky thing to do.

Quote from Ryan

Kelly: We're back together again, baby.
Ryan: We're back.
Kelly: They tried to keep us apart, but they couldn't. It was like destiny.
Ryan: I realized that, for whatever reason, I just couldn't do better than Kelly.


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