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‘Phyllis' Wedding’ Quotes

The Office: Phyllis' Wedding

316. Phyllis' Wedding

Aired February 8, 2007

On the day of Phyllis' wedding, Michael is determined to play a big part in the ceremony. Meanwhile, Pam is upset to be shown her how wedding might have looked.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Because that's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.

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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. It makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Oh, damn. I lost another file. Gonna have to reboot, again. Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid?
Dwight K. Schrute: What do you think?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. So, for the past couple weeks, I've been conducting a similar experiment.
[montage:]
Jim: [computer sound] Dwight, want an Altoid?
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay.
Jim: [computer sound] Altoid?
Dwight K. Schrute: Sure.
Jim: [computer sound] Mint, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: "Mint, Dwight?" Yes.
Jim: [computer sound, Dwight holds out his hand] What are you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: I- What? I don't know. I- My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Why are all these people here? There's too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Yes. I put Michael in my wedding. It was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Phyllis is getting married and I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary it is like I'm paying for the wedding, which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis, but it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the Bride.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: There she is. I swear, Phyllis, you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin.
Phyllis: Thanks, Michael. That's sweet. Same as when you said it outside.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My mom was marrying Jeff, and they asked me to be ring bearer. And I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet. I hate you! A long story short, Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that, after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said boo.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: You know, I just wish I wish I had the investigative powers to actually smoke some of these guys out, you know?
Dwight K. Schrute: Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.
Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.
Kelly: I know, but there was an emergency. [aside to camera:] I look really good in white.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now, the wedding has no highlight. I can't believe I pushed that guy's lazy ass around all day until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's- Well, I've got news for you, Elbert, if that's your real name, the show's not over.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Best of luck, Phyllis. Also, I'm gonna need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers.
Phyllis: I don't have that, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Damn it, Phyllis!

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Pam: What do you mean?
Kelly: Well, this is supposed to be your wedding.
Pam: Oh! No, that's actually fine.
Kelly: There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just, like, freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me, sir, how do you know the happy couple?
Guy: Who?
Dwight K. Schrute: The bride and groom. What are their names?
Guy: Uh, I- Ah- Um- I don't- I'm not sure-
Dwight K. Schrute: I get it. I get it. Come on, freeloader. Let's move it. Come on. Come on. Okay, okay.
Guy: Where are we going?
Dwight K. Schrute: You've got to find yourself another wedding to crash, my friend.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Uh, attention, everyone. Attention, please. I'm supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It's a very serious situation. [counts off, sings:] Roxanne! You don't have to put on your red light!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hi, I'm Michael Scott. And, for the next 40 minutes, I am going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance, one of the great, seemingly impossible, love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's dictionary defines wedding as "the fusing of two metals with a hot torch." Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals, gold medals. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss. To quote from The Princess Bride, "Marriage!"

Quote from Roy

Roy: Hey! They're playing our song, huh?
Pam: Yeah, that's weird. I thought they only played The Police.
Roy: I know. I I gave them 20 bucks. You wanna dance?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I just want Phyllis to have a great day.
Uncle Al: Phyllis and you will be great together.
Michael Scott: We are great together. We are a great team.
Uncle Al: The Celtics were a great team.
Michael Scott: Yes. Yes, they were. Robert Parish- I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon.
Uncle Al: Well, nobody ever helped me. I had to do it myself. Even the doctor didn't know.
Michael Scott: Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for a half an hour even though most of that stuff went right over my head.


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