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‘Work Bus’ Quotes

The Office: Work Bus

904. Work Bus

Aired October 18, 2012

When Jim tries to do something nice for Pam, he inadvertently causes the whole office to be moved into a bus. Meanwhile, Nellie asks Andy for a character reference as she seeks to adopt a child.

Quote from Kevin

Jim: Laverne packs up the pie wagon at five so...
Kevin: At five? That's only twenty minutes from now. The pie shop is thirteen miles away. So at fifty five miles an hour that just gives us five minutes to spare.
Angela: So wait, when pies are involved you can suddenly do math in your head?
Kevin: We...
Oscar: Hold on. Kevin, how much is 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies?
Kevin: 314 pies.
Oscar: What if it were salads?
Kevin: Well, it's the... Carry the four... And... It doesn't work.

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Quote from Meredith

Dwight K. Schrute: [Reading from computer] "Statistical correlations exist between EMF radiation and various health hazards. But mainstream studies are inconclusive!" That means you can't make me do squat.
Meredith: You better fix this. I already ditched my uterus and I ain't losing any more good parts.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Roll into the future with Work Bus. Say goodbye to wasteful buildings. These days a mobile office isn't just for hotshot politicians. Now anyone can rent a work bus. If you've got a parking lot, a work space is just a phone call away. In this age of belt tightening and less empowered workers, a work bus is how tomorrow gets things done.

Quote from Stanley

Clark: Stretch. Alright.
Stanley: How many times do you need to take a stroll?
Clark: I, my legs cramp up! Okay, it's a circulation issue.
Stanley: Boy, I will hammer spank your rear.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Um, okay, I'm just walking into this. Am I to understand there is a bee hive in the wall?
Toby: You think I have a machine for measuring bee hives?
Andy: I was just asking a question, Toby. How are you not murdered every hour?

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Well, I'm not getting paid to work in a microwave oven.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, listen. Everything here is up to code.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, the wires need insulation! It's a wire, people. I'm not buying it a fur coat.

Quote from Andy

Nellie: Andy, could I have a word please? Um, it won't take a moment. It's extremely important and it really has to happen now.
Andy: Fine. I will give you one minute.
Nellie: Oh, please don't use the hourglass.
Andy: You have one minute and your minute has begun and no time will be added at the end, even to accommodate this sentence with all of its baroque dependent clauses and cascading turns of phrase.
Nellie: I'm trying to adopt a baby.
Andy: A baby what? A human?

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: What are you doing?
Jim: Getting my wife a week off from work.
Darryl: You popped one kernel.
Jim: Awesome, right? [leaves]
Clark: So Creed is that dude's step dad?
Darryl: Correct.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I know what Jim is trying to do. He's trying to get big bad Dwight to shell out for a huge repair job while lucky Jimbo gets a paid vacation. Well sorry, lucky Jimbo, I can live very happily in a magnetic field. Most of my childhood heroes got their powers that way.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Oh, the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare Pre-Adoption Standard.
Nellie: Oh, of course, you were adopted.
Erin: [laughs] I wish! No, I um, I made some short lists. I had a couple sleepovers, but I never managed to get in the end zone. I don't know what it was. Not loveable maybe? [laughs] Oh, well.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Always say that a child is placed for adoption, never surrendered. We're not hostages.
Nellie: [laughs] Although, I have considered kidnapping one.
Erin: Never say that.

Quote from Nellie

Erin: I am so excited thinking about this child you're going to adopt.
Nellie: I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make you a parentless five year old again. I would snap you up.

Quote from Kevin

Phyllis: Just drive away. Just-
Pam: Phyllis, that's not safe.
Kevin: Guys, we only have eighteen minutes left. At sixty one miles an hour we're just gonna barely make it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Dwight? Why are you such a jerk? I am trying to do something for my wife and you keep derailing-
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm barren, Jim.
Jim: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: My trouser hives are void of honey. I had congress with Angela and the child that she bore did not issue from my loins. I thought I would be a father and instead I am a eunuch. Neutered by my own building.
Jim: Is this about the popcorn? Or the X on the ceiling? Dwight, that was a prank.
Dwight K. Schrute: You mean you flooded my building with dangerous electromagnetic radiation as a prank?
Jim: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's genius. That's the best prank you've ever done. [laughs]
Jim: I'll take it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Dwight, sometimes it takes couples years to get pregnant.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? How long did it take you and Pam to conceive?
Jim: That doesn't matter.
Dwight K. Schrute: What position did you use to conceive?
Jim: Okay, that's not...
Dwight K. Schrute: Regular? Or lady on her back? You used lady on her back, didn't you, you freak. Yuck, gross. Never mind, Jim.

Quote from Andy

Nellie: Oh.
Andy: I changed my mind.
Nellie: Oh, you signed it?
Andy: Yeah. Not as is, obviously. Made a couple changes. Added some sentences at the end. Trust me it needed it. [laughs] Well, yeah, whatever. So. [walks away]
Nellie: "She's tough in business, but tender with the people she cares about. She'll make a wonderful mother to any child who can overlook weird accents."

Quote from Creed

Creed: Thanks. Playing a little hooky from work today. Oh, my god.


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