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‘Angry Andy’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: Angry Andy

821. Angry Andy

Aired April 19, 2012

When Andy and Erin return to work, he tries to get his old job back from Nellie. Meanwhile, Ryan is jealous when Jim and Pam set Kelly up with a doctor.

Quote from Robert

Robert: I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to recuse myself temporarily until I've had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way.

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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Andy: What happened to old salty?
Dwight K. Schrute: Nellie let me bobble-ize him. His name is now Captain Mutato.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I've written quite a bit of X-Men fan fiction. Captain Mutato is half man, half mermaid. So he can fight crime as a man and make love as a mermaid. Most of my writing involves the latter.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Whoo! Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there. Holy moley.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Phyllis says the same twelve clichés every time it rains. So, I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today, I will send out for hot chocolates.
[back:]
Darryl: So how was the drive in?
Phyllis: Oh, nobody knows how to drive in the rain.
Darryl: You don't say?
Phyllis: Yeah. You know the roads are actually the slickest in the first half hour?
[later:]
Phyllis: Oh, the plants are gonna love this.
Oscar: Yeah.
[later:]
Phyllis: I actually sleep better when it's raining.
Meredith: Tell me about it.
[later:]
Oscar: Time's almost up. How many are left?
Pam: Just one. "This weather makes me want to stay at home, curled up with a good book."
Darryl: Phyllis. This rain... does it make you wanna be doing something?
Phyllis: What do you mean?
Pam: You know, like aren't some things just so nice and cozy in the rain?
Jim: Hey, come on.
Phyllis: Lots of things are cozy in the rain.
Jim: And that's noon. Exactly. [others groan]
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: I mean, normally the rain would make me want to stay home, curled up with a good book. But everybody's being so nice to me today. I'm really happy being here.

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: "Take a man's job, but leave him his balls." Margaret Thatcher said that... probably. Don't know. Don't read. Didn't see the movie.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: If it makes you feel any better, I never had an orgasm until I was forty-two. And then when I did, it lasted 'til I was forty-four.
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: Forty-three was ju- I got nothing done. [laughs]

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I don't know how I'm gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: One of Toby's eyes is getting smaller. So there's that. Gabe bragged about having an extra ticket to the air show this weekend and Meredith said she was interested and then Gabe said immediately that his friend might be taking the ticket. So I'll keep you posted on that.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Every day I brief Nellie on what's going on in the office. Most of it's irrelevant. But a good informer doesn't judge what's worth passing on.
[back:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, and Andy lost his masculinity, so congratulations on that.
Nellie: What do you mean?
Dwight K. Schrute: Erin made it clear to me that he was unable to perform sexually last night. By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was wearing no blanket at all. Wow, I knew you'd win, but you just demolished him! I'm a little bit jealous, actually. Reduced him to a mere ant.

Quote from Creed

Nellie: Chumbo, come on, help me out. Any problems with Little Chumbo?
Kevin: Tip-top shape.
Nellie: Oh... Stanley?
Stanley: No. Um-um.
Nellie: Creed, you are a thousand years old.
Creed: Haven't heard any complaints. Wouldn't care if I did.

Quote from Robert

Nellie: The most important thing to remember is not to stress about this. Stress just makes it worse, and then you stress more. And that's a vicious spiral.
[aside to camera:]
Robert: I almost didn't come in today. [laughs]

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Ravi makes me incredibly happy. And Ryan puts me through so much drama. So I guess I just have to decide which of those is more important to me.

Quote from Gabe

Andy: Every guy in this room has been touched by this affliction. Tuna? T-dog?
Jim: Um...
Darryl: Um... I have other issues. I'm terrible at math. Overweight. You- You're in great shape. A lot better shape than I am, tell you what.
Robert: It seems Andy is the only one with this problem. Fascinating.
Andy: Fascinating.
Gabe: I don't really see what the problem is. Erin doesn't even like sex, remember? You said it feels like getting tackled by a skeleton.

Quote from Pam

Pam: You're not the least bit curious to hear a poem straight from Ryan's soul?
Jim: Not at all, can we go?
Pam: "Kapoor and ka-desperate, he watches."
Jim: Second line.
Pam: "He is a drifter out to sea."
[later:]
Jim: "And when the Indian Ocean calms, one speck of white remains in waters cold and Kelly green."
Pam: It's just so dumb. [chokes up] But when he describes himself as a child, lost on the life raft...
[aside to camera:]
Jim: [teary-eyed] Uh, Ryan can never know.

Quote from Creed

Nellie: This meeting is not about any one person in particular. It is a human problem.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's not just a human problem. Flounders frequently experience impotence, especially when converting from male to female and then back again to male.
Robert: Really?
Oscar: Nellie, does the person affected by this want us to help her in any way in particular?
Nellie: Oh, oh, it's not me. No, no. I've never had any problem in that arena. And I have been with several older men.
Robert & Creed: [in unison] How old?
Creed: Jinx. Buy me some Coke.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Um, also, little tip, never shake the baby.
Jim: Sorry, just to be clear, you're saying do not shake the baby.
Ryan: Don't shake the baby. Um, a lot of times, parents get frustrated 'cause the baby's crying and they shake the baby. And you got to, um, you can't do that.
Pam: Don't shake our baby?
Ryan: Yeah.
Pam: Okay. I'd never heard that before. So, thank you.
Ryan: Oh, my God.
Pam: Yeah, I'm glad you said something.
Ryan: Me too.
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: Kelly and I broke up and she can do whatever she wants. And her new boyfriend seems awesome, if you're into Indian people. I'm not.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Hey, um, what's the deal with this guy? He's really into Kelly, huh?
Pam: Yeah, they're really great together.
Ryan: Maybe we weren't right together, but... it's weird. I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?
Jim: That's about it, yeah.

Quote from Nellie

Robert: Nellie! You've been terrific in your interim capacity. But, Andrew is the rightful manager so if you would just give him his office-
Nellie: No.
Robert: I'm sorry?
Andy: This is what I was trying to tell you.
Robert: I'm not accustomed to people saying no to me. [laughs]
Nellie: Well, Bobby, get accustomed to it because then it feels so good when they finally say yes.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: I found this the other day while I was journaling and they reminded me of you.
Kelly: Oh, those are from our weekend at the time share.
Ryan: Yeah, the fractional ownership property. [sigh] Oh, we took this one right before we got in that huge fight.
Kelly: God I don't even remember what that fight was about.
Ryan: You were being really bratty about where we would go out to dinner. But all I remember is how pretty you looked, taking those pictures of me. Anyway, if you want to order prints of your own, I can send you the link.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Erin: When you lost the manager job-
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes?
Erin: Did it affect you outside of the office?
Dwight K. Schrute: How?
Erin: I don't know what the technical term is... Penial softiosis?
Dwight K. Schrute: Erin, I am so glad that you trusted me. You came to the exact right person for this. No, I have never once experienced anything remotely like that. Never.
Erin: Oh, okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay?
Erin: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Washington Monument.
Erin: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: Eiffel Tower.
Erin: Okay, okay.

Quote from Kelly

Pam: I saw you were getting along with Ryan again.
Kelly: He's so sweet. He pointed to my latte and he said, "Kelly, that will be the color of our children."
Pam: Yeah, he's so great. Remember how it felt when he cheated on you though?
Kelly: Which time?

Quote from Pam

Pam: I am not going to let Kelly throw her life away on Ryan. And it has nothing to do with access to my pediatrician. Why you would even ask or were going to ask, because I- I felt like that question was coming.

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