Robert: I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to recuse myself temporarily until I've had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way.

Andy: What happened to old salty?
Dwight K. Schrute: Nellie let me bobble-ize him. His name is now Captain Mutato.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I've written quite a bit of X-Men fan fiction. Captain Mutato is half man, half mermaid. So he can fight crime as a man and make love as a mermaid. Most of my writing involves the latter.

Phyllis: If it makes you feel any better, I never had an orgasm until I was forty-two. And then when I did, it lasted 'til I was forty-four.
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: Forty-three was ju- I got nothing done. [laughs]

Phyllis: Whoo! Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there. Holy moley.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Phyllis says the same twelve clichés every time it rains. So, I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today, I will send out for hot chocolates.
[back:]
Darryl: So how was the drive in?
Phyllis: Oh, nobody knows how to drive in the rain.
Darryl: You don't say?
Phyllis: Yeah. You know the roads are actually the slickest in the first half hour?
[later:]
Phyllis: Oh, the plants are gonna love this.
Oscar: Yeah.
[later:]
Phyllis: I actually sleep better when it's raining.
Meredith: Tell me about it.
[later:]
Oscar: Time's almost up. How many are left?
Pam: Just one. "This weather makes me want to stay at home, curled up with a good book."
Darryl: Phyllis. This rain... does it make you wanna be doing something?
Phyllis: What do you mean?
Pam: You know, like aren't some things just so nice and cozy in the rain?
Jim: Hey, come on.
Phyllis: Lots of things are cozy in the rain.
Jim: And that's noon. Exactly. [others groan]
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: I mean, normally the rain would make me want to stay home, curled up with a good book. But everybody's being so nice to me today. I'm really happy being here.

Ryan: I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I don't know how I'm gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change.

Nellie: "Take a man's job, but leave him his balls." Margaret Thatcher said that... probably. Don't know. Don't read. Didn't see the movie.

Dwight K. Schrute: One of Toby's eyes is getting smaller. So there's that. Gabe bragged about having an extra ticket to the air show this weekend and Meredith said she was interested and then Gabe said immediately that his friend might be taking the ticket. So I'll keep you posted on that.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Every day I brief Nellie on what's going on in the office. Most of it's irrelevant. But a good informer doesn't judge what's worth passing on.
[back:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, and Andy lost his masculinity, so congratulations on that.
Nellie: What do you mean?
Dwight K. Schrute: Erin made it clear to me that he was unable to perform sexually last night. By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was wearing no blanket at all. Wow, I knew you'd win, but you just demolished him! I'm a little bit jealous, actually. Reduced him to a mere ant.

Nellie: Chumbo, come on, help me out. Any problems with Little Chumbo?
Kevin: Tip-top shape.
Nellie: Oh... Stanley?
Stanley: No. Um-um.
Nellie: Creed, you are a thousand years old.
Creed: Haven't heard any complaints. Wouldn't care if I did.

Kelly: Ravi makes me incredibly happy. And Ryan puts me through so much drama. So I guess I just have to decide which of those is more important to me.

Nellie: The most important thing to remember is not to stress about this. Stress just makes it worse, and then you stress more. And that's a vicious spiral.
[aside to camera:]
Robert: I almost didn't come in today. [laughs]