Michael Scott: I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I rent Devil Wears Prada again? Or do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision.

Pam: [laughs] Boscov's at the Steamtown Mall?
Phyllis: It sure looked good on the mannequin.
Pam: Well, you have good taste.
Phyllis: Well, thanks. I sure wish I had more time to talk to my clients, though.
Pam: What?
Phyllis: Isn't that what you said to a bunch of my clients when you were stealing them? That I didn't have enough time for them?
Pam: Oh, I, um...
Phyllis: Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.

Angela: The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat.
Toby: Can't you just not look at his feet?
Angela: Excuse me? Oh. You're so educated, aren't you Toby? So trained to deal with a hysterical woman. I don't want to look at his feet. Do your job!

Toby: Well, I was in the Seminary for a year and dropped out 'cause I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in H.R. Later she divorced me. So no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for H.R.

Jim: You know what? Best thing to do, Pros and Cons list.
Michael Scott: Pro for Ryan, he went to business school, he's my number one choice.
Jim: Well, that's--
Michael Scott: I like his hair.
Jim: Cons, Ryan. He defrauded the company. He has never made a sale.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Jim: He definitely stole my iPod.
Michael Scott: That sounds pretty biased.
Jim: You didn't hear my pros. Environmentally-conscious 'cause his mom drives him to work everyday.

Michael Scott: When I needed salespeople for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness? No. Am I going to ask for big, crying apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? No. I just want a tiny, microscopic version of that.

Michael Scott: The old Michael Scott might have taken this, but not the new Michael Scott. They are in for a bitter surprise. I am not to be truffled with.

Creed: So hey, I'm want to set you up with my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed: I don't know.

Kevin: At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to under cook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe passed down from Malone's for generations. It's probably the thing I do best.

Dwight K. Schrute: Fresh hot ink.
Stanley: "New File System".
Dwight K. Schrute: Trust me, Stanley, you're going to want to read this memo very carefully.
Stanley: I am not changing the way I do my files.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no. This goes for all of you. Believe me, you are going to want to heat my words.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: When held over heat the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. Urine. It was urine.