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‘Lotto’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

The Office: Lotto

803. Lotto

Aired October 6, 2011

After the warehouse guys win the Lotto, Andy struggles to get Darryl to hire a replacement crew. Meanwhile, Jim, Dwight, Erin and Kevin try their hand at warehouse work.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: I've never been lucky. And I'm not talking about the lottery, I'm talking about stuff like developing a soy allergy at thirty-five. Who gets a soy allergy at thirty-five? And why is soy in everything?

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Quote from Creed

Creed: I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I think I would keep working. And for my salary I guess I would take like a dollar a year. I mean, obviously I wouldn't come in till noon and I wouldn't do anything I didn't wanna do. I mean, I'm getting paid a dollar a year, okay? You can chill.

Quote from Toby

Toby: I would spend a lot of time launching my true crime podcast, The Flenderson Files. Dum-bum-buh. [whispers] Flenderson files.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: When did I get so fat?
Andy: You look awesome.
Darryl: I didn't hire anyone if that's why you're here.
Andy: Where are we in the process?
Darryl: I have a file of applicants here. I just gotta open it, look at it, interview a bunch of guys, hire some of 'em. So I'd say we're in the early stages of the process.
Andy: Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night?
Darryl: The guys did invite me out to celebrate but I decided to just stay home. Eat a bunch of tacos in my basement.
Andy: You do have a fantastic basement.
Darryl: I did. I did have a fantastic basement. Now it smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement and taco air is heavy. Settles at the lowest point.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: I didn't have time because of my daughter.
Andy: Oh, but you had time for a softball clinic and a Mediterranean cooking class.
Darryl: Hey, I'm not gonna tell you this stuff if you gonna throw it back in my face.
Andy: Hey. Here's the thing. Jo saw something in you. She loved you! She gave you a shot and then you stopped pushing. She noticed. [long pause]
Darryl: Okay.
Andy: Okay, what?
Darryl: Okay, don't fire me.
Andy: Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: My future's not gonna be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's gonna be determined by two big black balls. I control my destiny. I do.

Quote from Oscar

Andy: Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy.
Oscar: Bulk or definition?
Andy: Definition.
Oscar: Bruce Kenwood. He hangs out at Plant Fitness.
Andy: Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong?
Oscar: Oh, he's plenty strong.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: It used to be Reggie Winters out at Gold's Gym. But he moved away. And then it was between Bruce and this guy Dean. Um, but Dean got fixated on his calves and uh, and his triceps went to hell.

Quote from Kelly

Oscar: Okay, we have to do something because this is incredibly dangerous.
Andy: Oscar, it's not that hot out.
Darryl: A car parked in the sun is like a toaster oven.
Andy: Well, we don't know how long the driver's been gone and it's not in direct sunlight.
Kelly: So what, Andy, you wanna just let him die, you scumbag?

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Here, I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog.

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