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‘Branch Closing’ Quotes

The Office: Branch Closing

307. Branch Closing

Aired November 9, 2006

After Jan announces that the Scranton branch is closing, Michael and Dwight go on a mission to save the office. Meanwhile, the Scranton employees ponder whether their jobs are safe.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I worked in Scranton for a really long time. And uh, it's going to be weird that it's all disappearing. I mean, I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.

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Quote from Jim

Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch. But before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery. So from time to time, I send Dwight faxes from himself from the future. "Dwight, at 8:00 a.m. today someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
[At the Scranton Branch, Dwight runs across the room and knocks a coffee cup out of Stanley's hand]
Dwight K. Schrute: No! You'll thank me later.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It is an outrage. That's all. It's- They are making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. Do you think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay! This is it! This is exactly what Michael Moore does. Famous documentarian. He goes up to people with a camera and he's like, "Why did you do this? Why did you pollute? You are bad, you're a bad person." It's very dramatic. Although, I can't say I was a big fan of Bowling for Columbine. Because I thought it was gonna be a bowling movie, like Kingpin. ... And it wasn't. It was something else.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself. Like Romeo + Juliet. The Claire Danes one.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael's book is "Something Weird is Going On: What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story". By Michael Scott with Dwight Schrute.

Quote from Angela

Angela: I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.

Quote from Pam

Pam: It's a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise. Sometimes at home, I answer the phone, "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam." So, maybe that'll stop now.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: There she is. Jan Levinson first thing in the morning.
Jan: Michael.
Michael Scott: Love to start my day with a hearty bowl of Jan!
Jan: Michael.
Michael Scott: [singing] Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby-
Jan: Michael.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: It makes perfect sense that it would happen today. Because I just received this in the mail. A thousand business cards with this address and phone number.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: I couldn't be happier. I'm gonna take the severance and retire. My wife and I are gonna travel. [chuckles] I really couldn't be happier.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is my house. The CFO is taking away my house and giving it to Josh. And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, secretary says Wallace is away for the day and won't be coming back into the office.
Michael Scott: Okay. Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: But do not worry. I have his home address right here.
Michael Scott: Why?
Dwight K. Schrute: Christmas card list.
Michael Scott: You send him cards? You've never met him.
Dwight K. Schrute: But when I do, we'll have something to talk about.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: This kind of worked out perfectly for me. I got some good experience, Michael's gonna write me a great recommendation. And as far as me and Kelly goes, I think it's for the best.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum... Coming home from work.
Michael Scott: Excuse me! Mr. Wallace? David Wallace?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. What is the meaning of this?
Michael Scott: Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton and putting 15 people out of work?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, the branch is no longer financially viable.
Michael Scott: It's simple dollars and cents. Yes, but these are employees, sir. These are human beings.
Dwight K. Schrute: Listen, Scott. We're losing money, okay? It's not a charity, it's a business. And it's a dying business.

Quote from Kelly

Pam: Overall, though, we still all have our jobs, so good news, right?
Ryan: Oh, yeah, totally.
Kelly: I am so happy we don't have to break up now, Ryan! It is the best day of my whole life!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: All right. Favorite moments in Dunder Mifflin history. Go.
Dwight K. Schrute: My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with the fire extinguisher.
Michael Scott: That was hilarious. The foam.
Dwight K. Schrute: My first sale. My promotion to assistant regional manager. Our basketball game. And when you took me to the hospital and told me that you cared about me.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, my God!
Michael Scott: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Stamford is closed! Michael, we're not closed! Stamford is closed! Stamford is closed!
Michael Scott: Is it?
Dwight K. Schrute: We did it!
Michael Scott: We did it! We did it!
Dwight K. Schrute: You did it!
Michael Scott: We did it! We did it!

Quote from Roy

Roy: I don't really want to work here without Pam. You know that Cinderella song, "You Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)"? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it... in words.


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