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‘The Convict’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Office: The Convict

309. The Convict

Aired November 30, 2006

The Dunder Mufflin staff don't know how to react when they learn an ex-convict is employed at the Scranton branch.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice, like a white guy who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake.

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, everybody, may I have your attention, please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin, here, has had some trouble with the law. But I just want to declare publicly that I trust him completely and that anybody who doesn't is an ignorant, dumb person, okay? As a matter of fact, you show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam, tell me a white person you trust.
Pam: My dad.
Michael Scott: Danny Glover. Yeah.
Jim: Jonas Salk.
Michael Scott: Who?
Jim: Justin Timberlake?
Michael Scott: Oh, please. Colin Powell.
Karen: Hey, I've got one.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Karen: Jesus.
Michael Scott: Apollo Creed.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kevin: I wonder what he did.
Michael Scott: In our society a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and saw some people pushing each other and he intervened.
Pam: Why would anyone go to jail for that?

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for because it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This place is not prison. This place- It's way better than prison.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special. Baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, "Yo, that's shizzle." Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, look at me! I'm a baby. I'm one of those babies from Look Who's Talking. What am I thinking? Look at all those staplers. What's a stapler? I don't even know. I'm a baby. Hey, Mom! I'm thirsty! I'm thirsty, Mama! I want some milk! And you know where milk comes from? Breasts.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.

Quote from Jim

Andy: All righty, let's get started. What is she into?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I know Pam pretty well. I know the things that she likes, and just as important, I know the things that she hates. So one of the things that she likes is pranks and the things that she hates...
[present:]
Jim: Frisbee-based competitions.
Andy: Are you kidding? I started the main Frisbee Golf Club at Cornell where I went to college. I live to frolf.
Jim: Lead off with that. She loves hunting. She also loves those ads for Six Flags with the old guy. Also, do you speak pig Latin?

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: What was prison like?
Martin: Not terrible. Boring. We do the same thing every day. But at least we get outdoors time.
Kevin: You got outdoors time?
Martin: Two hours, every day. Sometimes we'd play pick-up football games-
Kevin: Michael, why don't we get outdoors time?
Pam: Yeah, some days I never go outside.
Michael Scott: Well, we are running a business.

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