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38Quotes from ‘The Sting’

The Office: The Sting

705. The Sting

Aired October 21, 2010

When Dunder Mifflin loses a sale to a handsome competitor, Michael sets up a sting operation to learn the guy's technique. Meanwhile, Andy forms a band with Darryl and Kevin.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know what this is? This is a stinger.
Jim: A what?
Michael Scott: Like the movie.
Jim: I think you mean The Sting.
Michael Scott: Paul Newman, Robert Redford. They're bank robbers.
Jim: Nope. Different movie.
Dwight K. Schrute: The Sting. The Sting.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: [singing and playing drums] Sun's in her eyes, tongue full of flies. Would you like to share my paaaaaaad?
All: Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love. Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love and I gave her the croak that meant I love you.
Darryl: I'll be your croak monsieur.
Andy: [falsetto] I'll be your croak madame.
Kevin: Your mama mighta said that bullfrogs are dogs, but I'm here to tell you that I am a frog! Come and sit on my log, you little pollywog.
Darryl: I find you absolutely ribbiting!
All: Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love.
Andy: Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love.
Kevin: Croak!
Andy: Ribbit!
Darryl: Scoopity-splash!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: How do I feel about losing the sale? It's like if Michael Phelps came out of retirement, jumped in the pool, belly-flopped, and drowned.

Quote from Darryl

Andy: Knockity-knock, don't knock back. Just kidding you can knock; it's your office. Do you have a minute?
Darryl: I'm very busy with time-sensitive work.
Andy: Not to go all Sherlock Holmes on you, but I can tell by the reflection in your glasses that you're entering points into WeightWatchers.com.
Darryl: If you don't enter them immediately, you forget. What?
Andy: I'm starting a band and I need you on keyboards.
Darryl: Nah. I play for pleasure.
Andy: This is for pleasure.
Darryl: I wouldn't enjoy that.
Andy: I'm willing to pay you.
Darryl: Oh, yeah?
Andy: Yeah.
Darryl: How much?
Andy: Sixty bucks a session.
Darryl: That's crazy money. I'll take forty.
Andy: Yes!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I could swear that guy was a male model.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know who we always lose out to? Staples, the big guys. Osprey? They're a small company. They're smaller than we are. What's our excuse? How do we combat this guy? Stanley, how do we combat him?
Stanley: We sell better?
Michael Scott: Okay. You know what? You clearly don't care, so why don't you just leave?
Stanley: I would like to stay. This pertains to me.
Michael Scott: Why don't you go outside and take a shot of insulin and have a nap, okay?
Stanley: Why do you always assume I have diabetes?
Michael Scott: I don't know, your frame, your build. Why don't you have a glass of apple juice and tell me you're not a diabetic. [Stanley stands to leave] See? I could tell by the sound you made when you stood up that you have-okay.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Meredith was the perfect choice to play the head of the company. Her lunch break lined up with our appointment with Danny and... That's it. That's really all we were looking for.

Quote from Jim

Meredith: Meredith Van Helsing. Pleased to meet you.
Jim: [watching on screen] Meredith Van Helsing?
Dwight K. Schrute: Van Helsing was a respected professor before he was a vampire killer.
Jim: Okay. But what is he more famous for?
Michael Scott: Shhh!

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I could sing it.
Andy: I just was hoping to maybe save your voice in case we did a novelty song about frogs.
Kevin: But my voice is unique. Like Bob Dylan.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: People can't keep their true natures hidden for long, and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire.
Michael Scott: Testify.
Jim: Okay, he's not that good-looking. I don't understand why everybody's obsessed with this-
Michael Scott: Yeah, he is that good-looking.
Dwight K. Schrute: He's very, very handsome.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Okay. Honest feedback time. Oscar?
Oscar: It's pandering. And it makes me think you think I'm stupid.
Andy: But do you think it could be famous? Like in a car commercial or something?
Pam: Not really. It's kinda weird that a grown man is singing from the point of view of a little girl.
Andy: I feel like I can see someone ice skating to it. You know, like in the Olympics.
Ryan: I- I don't think they usually skate to such bad songs.
Andy: Rude. And not helpful.
Creed: Well, I really, really, really liked it.
Andy: Well, that- That really bums me out.
Creed: You're welcome.

Quote from Meredith

Oscar: Meredith, I-
Meredith: Oh, Manuel! This is Manuel, my cleaning man. He doesn't speak any English.
Danny: Hola. Que tal?
Oscar: Como estas, senor?
Meredith: Uh, Manuel, cleano el window.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: [to Ryan] This is Esteban, another cleaning man. He doesn't speak English either. Esteban, el flooro.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I said stop. Okay, Danny, this is not Pennsylvania Solartech. This is Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. This is Meredith Palmer-
Meredith: Please to meet you-
Michael Scott: Don't! Get away from him. Please, just leave. Get out of here. Go. Forever.
Danny: Hmm.
Michael Scott: I owe you a most sincere and humble apology. We were trying to watch you to see your sales technique, so we could stop losing so many clients to you.
Danny: But from where?
Michael Scott: A surveillance room next to this one.
Danny: Okay, so you set up this fake company, then you hired this homeless woman to impersonate an executive to spy on me so that you could copy my sales technique?
Michael Scott: Yes. And it's the sincerest form of flattery.
Danny: Or ... crazy.

Quote from Kelly

Michael Scott: Everyone, may I have your attention? I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordray. He is going to be joining us as our new traveling salesman. Say hello to Danny!
Kelly: [bleep] me!
Michael Scott: Okay. You know what? No. No. This is not some sort of construction site...or all of Italy, where you can just go around treating people like meat. We are to respect him. I respect him because he reminds me of somebody. Can anybody guess who that is?
Kelly: Josh Duhamel.

Quote from Andy

Darryl: Song's about truth.
Kevin: Yeah.
Darryl: What's something you really care about?
Andy: Reverse snobbery.
Darryl: More universal.
Andy: Sometimes I feel like life has passed me by.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: I love cycling. Andy, I feel like a tourist in my own city. I literally can't wait to wake up every morning.
Pam: Okay.
Michael Scott: She is a beaut!
Dwight K. Schrute: Can't beat a horse. A horse is a bike that peddles itself.
Oscar: Yes, it is.
Michael Scott: Oh, look at that. [pushing bike] Smooth roll.
Oscar: Yeah.
Kevin: You got it! Lance Armstrong's Bike!
Oscar: Yes.
Meredith: His ass was on that seat? All right!
Kevin: Nice.
Oscar: No, Meredith, that's not his actual bicycle, but it is the same exact model he uses.
Kelly: I'm on Sheryl Crow's side in that whole thing, so I feel really weird right now.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yes, I can ride a bike. I take spinning classes three times a month. I think I know how to ride a bike.
[back:]
Jim: Are you sure you once knew how to do this?
Michael Scott: I did, yes! I had those extra wheels on the back...that support you. [Pam and Jim begin wheeling him] Mi-chael! Mi-chael!
All: [chanting] Michael! Michael! Michael! Michael!
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah!
Pam: Come on, Michael! Yeah!
Jim: Just steer more now.
Michael Scott: Oh, my god!
Pam: Not the car!
Jim: No! No!
Michael Scott: Ow! You never forget. Whoo!

Quote from Andy

Andy: Whoa. Libby Dirketts got married. Big, red mazel tov to the Libster. Ooh, says here Dan Becker fell off the side of Kilimanjaro in a climbing accident. It appears Dan's sherpa survived to tell the tale- Oh, my God!
Phyllis: What? Is Dan okay?
Andy: No, he died. It's Broccoli Rob. You know this guy; I showed you his picture on Facebook.
Phyllis: Yes.
Andy: "Some Vermont-based alums can hear 'Broccoli' Rob Blatt, '96, in the state milk lobby's new milk awareness song, 'Calci-YUM!', featuring Phish's Trey Anastasio. Says Broccoli, 'Trey and I had a ton of fun in the studio, and I think you can hear it in the song.'"
Phyllis: Oh, that's great news for your friend.
Andy: Yeah, yeah, it's great...
Phyllis: You know, I forget about milk. This is a terrific reminder.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I was the artsy, musical one. In Here Comes Treble I had four solos, Broccoli rob had three. Right? Uh!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: On the count of three, it's showtime. Ready, one, two--
Jim: Nope, not doing that.
Dwight K. Schrute: I've been in showtime mode since breakfast.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know-all right, just forget it then.
Jim: Showtime!
Michael Scott: It's showtime! Oh...never mind. Let's go.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl and Andy: [singing] Please Mr. President, if you wanna give hope a whirl, bring our troops home safe and sound, says this little girl.
Andy: [in falsetto] Please Mr. President-
Darryl: One second, one second, one second. [stops playing] So, this song is from the point of view of a little girl?
Andy: Yeah.
Darryl: But you're singing it.
Andy: Yeah, but I'm using my falsetto.
Darryl: No, that's not a good idea. I don't see that as a very good song.
Andy: Yeah, well, it'd sound a lot better if you actually sang with some soul.
Darryl: Oh, I never sing with soul.
Andy: That's a lie.

Quote from Michael Scott

Meredith: You're here to sell me some paper.
Danny: Well, actually, uh... no, Miss Van Helsing, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to meet you, see if we'd be a, you know, good fit.
Meredith: What do you mean?
Michael Scott: [watching] Oh, my god! He's making her sell to him.

Quote from Jim

Jim: You're an exec at Pennsylvania Solartech and-
Oscar: That sounds fake.
Jim: What do you mean?
Dwight K. Schrute: I told you! You're an exec at Stark Industries, a corporation you inherited from your father-
Jim: Will you stop? Stop it, stop it. Here's the story-they need Meredith somewhere else asap, okay?
Oscar: Okay.
Jim: So you're taking over. You just gotta get her out of there as soon as you can.
Oscar: All right. I can do that. Then what?
Dwight K. Schrute: Then make him pitch to you.
Jim: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: We gotta see what he's got.
Jim: Exactly. You can do this.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, and remember-you're not gay.
Jim: Stop it! It's gonna be great.
Oscar: Okay.
Jim: And listen if anything else happens, just...roll with it.

Quote from Ryan

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. You're a young hotshot from Stark Industries. You've just bought this company. Meredith is fired. It's a whole new regime. He's gotta pitch to you now.
Ryan: Okay. Stark Industries isn't real. I run Google. Larry and Sergey brought me in-
Jim: Great. Sounds awesome. Just have him pitch to you.
Michael Scott: Don't let us down.
Ryan: Will do. Won't do.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Danny, listen, you have to understand that we are not normally like this. We just- We wanted to know your tricks.
Danny: What do you mean, my tricks? There's no tricks, man. I'm just a good salesman. You wanna copy that? You can't copy that!
Michael Scott: You are, you are, you are! Stop it, stop it. Stop. You are a good salesman. And because of that... I want you to work for me.
Danny: Sure. You seem like a fun, professional guy.
Michael Scott: So, you will?
Danny: No!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hold it, hold it. Hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Danny, I want you to look at me. Do you want your life to be better...or to be worse or to stay the same?
Danny: Get out of my way.
Michael Scott: Answer the question. Do you want a better life, Danny?
Danny: I swear to God, I'm gonna hit you. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm not-it's just I'm very upset right now.
Michael Scott: I know, I know.
Danny: I'm very upset!
Michael Scott: Do you want more freedom, less freedom, or to stay the same?
Danny: More freedom.
Michael Scott: I can give you more money-there's your better life. I can let you come and go as you please-there's your freedom. As you already know, Dunder-Mifflin has the best service and the best prices, but you beat us anyway. Can you imagine how well you would do selling our stuff?

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: You hired him?
Michael Scott: Guys, let me ask you something. Do you want your life to be better or worse or stay the same?
All: Stay the same.
Michael Scott: Okay. Well...get ready, 'cause it's gonna get better.
Phyllis: It's not gonna get better; he's gonna steal all of our clients.
Michael Scott: No, no. Wrong. He would have stolen your clients, but you know what? He can't now. This guy used to steal sales from us; now, he's going to steal sales for us.
Dwight K. Schrute: Where's he gonna sit? I mean, there's no more seats.
Michael Scott: He doesn't need to sit, he's a traveling salesman. Look, I am not going to exclude good people from our staff simply because they are threatening to you. And unless you have a better argument than that, I suggest you leave.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: [plays keyboard and signs] Couldn't get outta bed today. Wish the alarm clock would go away.
Kevin: Oh, nice!
Andy: Holy crap. Are you kidding me? You just made that? That's amazing!
Darryl: Go ahead.
Andy: [singing] Which me am I gonna be today?
Darryl: [singing] Which me am I gonna be today?
Andy: I gotta closet full of mes. Am I gonna be the happy me?
Kevin: Or the me that stinks.
Andy: Oh, my gosh! We're almost out of time. How much for another half hour?
Darryl: Oh, don't worry about it.
Andy: Wait. Seriously?
Darryl: Yeah.
Andy: So we're just, like, jamming as friends?
Darryl: One, two, three, hit it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Danny: Oh, you know...funny. Your wife and I went on a few dates.
Jim: Did ya?
Danny: Yeah. Way ,way, way back.
Jim: I'm just kidding. She told me about it.
Danny: Oh. She was not into me.
Jim: Oh.
Danny: Obviously. I don't even think she called me back.
Dwight K. Schrute: You snubbed her.
Jim: Dwight, please.
Dwight K. Schrute: Let me handle this, Jim. Drop the act, Cordray, okay? We all know that you probably thought that Pam was too "meh" or thin without being toned. But I wanna tell you something, she is one of the plain hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear makeup? [Pam mouthing "I wear makeup"] We like her better that way! And you steal clients, don't you? Don't you!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, thief. You better check your things, people. In fact, where are my keys? Oh, there in my pocket. False alarm. Okay. ... So...you're gonna be workin' here?
Danny: Uh... I mean, yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Welcome aboard.
Danny: Thank you.
Jim: Hey, crazy, um, so, that's it? You're just- You're fine?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's after 5:00, Jim. I'm not gonna take this home. [shakes Danny's hand]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This morning, Danny Cordray stole a sale from me. So what do I do? I go out and I steal Danny Cordray. The sale that mattered, I made. Boom. Funny thing about it, we don't even need him. We already have Packer on the road. Ccchhh! Crap. I forgot about Packer.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: How do I look?
Jim: Amazing. How do I look?
Dwight K. Schrute: Normal. Ugly.
Jim: Well, I do the best with what I've got. Let's go.
Dwight K. Schrute: Alright. Wait, wait, wait, wait for me! It's weird if I come in slightly after.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: We have a big meeting with the chief buyer for Frames Select, Steve Nash.
Jim: He's not the Steve Nash. He's big though. He's kind of like...Scranton's Steve Nash.
Dwight K. Schrute: Will you stop trying to put it in terms you think they'll understand? It's condescending.
Jim: I'm not doing that. I'm just explaining.
Dwight K. Schrute: And who is this "the" Steve Nash?
Jim: Phoenix Sun's point guard?
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Jim: No? Nothing?
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Mr. Jock Hipster.
Jim: Well, I'm neither of those things, so...

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Danny Cordray is the worst.
Jim: Well, by worst, you mean the best.
Dwight K. Schrute: The best salesman ever. He works for Osprey Paper over in Throop, steals more clients from Dunder-Mifflin than anyone.
Jim: So, the situation is the worst.
Dwight K. Schrute: Also, he slept with Pam.
Jim: No, he didn't.

Quote from Pam

Jim: Tell 'em.
Pam: Nothing happened. We went on a couple of dates. He never called me again.
Jim: What? He never called you? I thought you said it just fizzled.
Pam: That's fizzling. I mean, someone has to start the fizzle.
Jim: Yeah, I thought you started it.
Pam: No, I liked him. For a couple of days. Four years ago. You know I have a kid with you, right?
Jim: Ahhh.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm gonna intimidate him. Okay?
Jim: Okay, great.
Dwight K. Schrute: Watch this.
Jim: I'm just gonna watch.
Dwight K. Schrute: [loudly] So anyway, she says, "That is the biggest penis I have ever seen." And I said, "I know. That's why I brought you to the Penis Museum, where tickets are a thousand dollars." Well, hello Danny!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Danny: Hey, Dwight. Good to see you. Jim, hey.
Jim: [shaking hands] How are ya?
Danny: Good to see you too.
Dwight K. Schrute: What are you doing?
Danny: Oh, I'm just here for the coffee.
Dwight K. Schrute: Like hell you are.
Jim: Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: He's not just here for the coffee, Jim. Wake up!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, I know a lot of you thought that my sales days were behind me, and to be honest, so did I... and the only reason I got out of the sales game was to be reluctantly called back in.
Pam: You don't look reluctant, Michael. You look really eager.
Michael Scott: [laughing] No, I don't have time for this. Are you kidding me?
Pam: You don't?
Michael Scott: No! Okay. [leaves] All right.


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