Erin: Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of dollar days throughout the country. Promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. "Aren't you glad you waited?", Karzai commented.
Darryl: Um, where did you get that story?
Erin: A little bit here, a little bit there. I bet you didn't think I knew current events.

Erin: What if we all get together and help each other and hire a new guy, and then we all kill him, but first we take out like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy. I bet you guys like that idea don't you?
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I think that's what they're doing to me. I can't prove it, but I wanted to see their faces when I said it. I learned nothing.

Erin: I'm playing Scrabble with Gabe, and I've never won a game.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: The winner gets to pick the movie we watch. I have won no games. So far I've seen "The Shining", "Rosemary's Baby", "The Ring". Not really my thing. Although, I... I do like the early parts of the movies where they have a perfect family and everything.

Oscar: Why did you play "moo"?
Erin: Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing "moo", I'm playing "milk". Whatever it takes.
Oscar: Okay, but look, you could have hit "mood". Would have played a triple word.
Erin: Like the cow "mood" yesterday. God.
Oscar: Or moon.
Erin: The cow jumped over the moon.
Oscar: She's stuck on that one thing.
Pam: You know, it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right?

Erin: I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist. But, why? Because I happened to answer help wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO? Or for a brain surgeon?

Erin: I'm not going to be one of those exes who can't move on. They have their life and I have mine. I'm taking an Italian class. So far I have learned tortellini, spagettini, linguini... Well, it's not so much a class as a restaurant, but I do Monday, Wednesday, Friday from seven to nine.

Erin: How did you do it? How did you capture what it was really like? How we felt and how made each other laugh and how we got through the day? How did you do it? Also, how do cameras work?

Erin: Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don't. And I don't. But I am so excited to be a part of it.

Erin: Holly is ruining Michael's life. He thinks she is so special. And she's so not. Her personality is like a 3. Her sense of humor is a 2. Her ears are like a 7 and a 4. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect 40. It's nuts.

Pam: I have terrible news. Someone defaced my mural. They painted all over it.
Erin: I thought that's what you were doing.
Pam: Yeah, but this is different.
Erin: Oh. They used worse paint than your paint?
Pam: I don't think so, but they put paint where I didn't want paint. So...
Erin: I thought you wanted paint on the whole thing.
Pam: Different colored paint. I wanted different colored paint in the spots where they put their paint. So, it just is... Okay, the point is, these warehouse guys are vandals. And, they need to be stopped.