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‘Counseling’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Office: Counseling

702. Counseling

Aired September 30, 2010

Michael is forced to attend his mandatory counseling session with Toby, who tries to get his boss to open up about his feelings. Meanwhile, the rest of the office helps Dwight get "Pretty Woman"-style revenge on a store which refused to serve him.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Disposable cameras are fun. Although it does seem wasteful and you don't ever get to see your pictures. If it's an important even that you want to remember, I recommend using a real camera. But I don't care if I forget today.

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Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients. Therapists are whores. Psychiatry is a narcissism machine. I learn more from Dr. Seuss than from Dr. Freud. Earth: you don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps. I don't know. Just use the best one.

Quote from Pam

Sales guy: Who can I speak to in this office about saving on window treatments?
Erin: I don't know.
Sales guy: Is one of you the office administrator?
Pam: [hesitates] I am. I am the office administrator!
Sales guy: Can I show you a few samples?
Pam: Oh, we're not interested. We're not interested at all.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: There are a few ways to get promoted. One is to wait for an opening and apply for it. That's the main way. But this could work.

Quote from Michael Scott

Toby: What's something that you-
Michael Scott: This is the worst! You are the worst! I hate looking at your face! I wanna smash it!
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I made a mistake. I committed corporate punishment. My bad. It's over. It's done. But my punishment is, um, worse than hell.

Quote from Pam

Gabe: The problem, unfortunately, is about the office administrator. I have gone through everything for the past three years. There is nothing that says you're office administrator.
Pam: So weird that there is no paperwork.
Gabe: At all.
Pam: Although, like, unlikely things happen all the time. My best friend, in High School, she went to Australia, Canberra I think, and she met this guy who lived only two streets away in America.
Gabe: Pam, I don't want to accuse you of anything. I just want everything to be back the way it's supposed to be. Can you just admit- Admit...
Pam: Admit what?
Gabe: I don't want to say it.
Pam: Say it.
Gabe: Nuh-uh.
Pam: Say that I'm lying or say that I have the job. Make a definitive statement, Gabe.
Gabe: Statements of such nature, while they have their place, are overused in a competitive business environment.
Pam: Great. Well, Let me know if you need a new chair, or anything that an Office Administrator can handle.
Gabe: Will do. Can I get ... one of those name plates that says Gabe Lewis?
Pam: Sure. Anything else?
Gabe: Nope.
Pam: I'll get it right away.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Wow. Late every day this week.
Pam: We signed Cici up for this daycare. It's on the other side of town. The traffic is-
Dwight K. Schrute: Why didn't I think of this before? Did you know that there is a daycare center opening right here in this building?
Jim: Is there really?
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Now that I own the building, I'm looking for new sources of revenue. And a daycare center... [laughing maniacally] Well, I guess it's not an evil idea. It's just a regular idea. But there is no good laugh for a regular idea.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Welcome to the Sesame Avenue Daycare Center for infants and toddlers.
Jim: Aaah!
Mose: Aaah!
Dwight K. Schrute: You remember my cousin Mose.
Mose: Welcome children.
Pam: Were you painting in the dark?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Wait. Is this your place Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh no. I like to think of it as a kids place. Would you like a tour?
Pam: I don't really think we need...
Jim: Oh, let's take the tour Pam.
Pam: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Come on. Here is the language skills and cognitive development area. These are English, uh, letters. I see you found out magical toy box Jim.
Jim: These are actually forks and knives from the break room.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim! To you and me, maybe, but, come on! To a child's imagination that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and... Ms. Fork.
Pam: And a soy sauce packet.
Dwight K. Schrute: That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Boycott the Steamtown Mall! Everyone, you heard me! Cancel all of your business with the Steamtown Mall!
Phyllis: The mall itself or the stores in the mall?
Dwight K. Schrute: All of it! The mall, the stores, the kiosks!
Ryan: America is one big mall.
Jim: Did something happen Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, something happened. Oh yeah, something happened, Jim.
Andy: Well, tell us what it is. I mean, it would help us to get some context so we can get on board.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't want to know.

Quote from Pam

Pam: The unfair thing about working in sales is that your salary is almost all commission. So, you suck at sales, you make almost no money. I guess that's fair.

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