Michael Scott: I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.

Oscar: You know what we haven't done in a while? Happy hour. Upstairs, the warehouse, everybody just going out for a drink.
Darryl: Has that ever happened? Ever?
Oscar: Didn't we? I think we did.
Darryl: You want me to invite Matt?
Oscar: Yeah, the whole gang, Matt included.
Darryl: Look, just be straight with me, man. You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me.

Michael Scott: [removing tie] Well, apparently, Michael Scott is on a date. And that, that my friend, changes everything. [puts on Kangol hat]

Dwight K. Schrute: Angela versus Isabel. Height, advantage Isabel. Birthing hips, advantage Isabel. Remaining child-bearing years, advantage Isabel. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.

Darryl: Tell 'em your story, Hide.
Hide: In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!

Isabel: You are amazing at this. How did you get so good?
Dwight K. Schrute: Whacking moles. Hit 'em on the head. Whack. Say it with me.

Isabel: What are you talking about?
Dwight K. Schrute: What are you-
Angela: Dwight recently entered into a contract with me, establishing intent to conceive and raise a child with me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Angela...
Angela: Did he not tell you that?
Dwight K. Schrute: You're really putting me in an awkward position here.
Angela: Do you plan on raising a child with me? Or do you plan on breaking this contract?
Dwight K. Schrute: Angela, not here!
Angela: Dwight?
Isabel: Whack! [Isabel smacks Angela on forehead]
Angela: You will see me in small claims court!
Dwight K. Schrute: [to Isabel] You are an impressive specimen.

Oscar: Essentially, what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts a car to save her baby.

Phyllis: Yeah, I love going to bars with Bob. I tend to wear something low-cut, get men to flirt with me, and Bob beats 'em up. What?

Jim: I gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything. And I- And I love her. I also love her, very much.