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71Quotes from ‘Dunder Mifflin Infinity’

The Office: Dunder Mifflin Infinity

403. Dunder Mifflin Infinity

Aired October 4, 2007

When Ryan arrives from Corporate with plans to take Dunder Mifflin into the twenty-first century, Michael tries to defend the traditional way of doing business. Meanwhile, Angela can't forgive Dwight for her cat Sprinkles' death.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm going to live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Mannheim is 103, and still puttering around down in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah foundation.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me, the choice is easy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What is the actual deal with these things in terms of testicles?
Jan: What?
Michael Scott: I don't wanna grow weird sperm in case we ever wanna have kids.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, there has been a lot of talk about new ideas today. Well, new ideas are fine. But they are also illegal. Because they are a form of ageism. What? Yes, I am right. Did you know that the Age Discrimination and Employment Act of 1967 prohibits employment discrimination based on age with respect to employees forty years of age or older. I did.
Toby: Mm. Technically, he's right.
Michael Scott: Hey, shut up, Toby. Why do we as a society hate old people so much?
Creed: Because they're lame.
Michael Scott: No! Creed, no, they are not. In fact, many cultures revere old people because of their storytelling ability. Like the old lady from Titanic. Or the funny things that they can do, like, "Where's the beef?" Yeah.
Jim: Why the big picture's up again? You used that alreadywhen you burned your foot.
Pam: Reusing the Ben Kingsley too.
Michael Scott: I was going to put up some new pictures, but, all of the ink in the printer was gone.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Ryan wants everything in our company to be about emails and I.M.s. But I think he is forgetting about the original instant message. Letters attached to baskets of food.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, can you make that straighter? That's what she said.
Phyllis: Did you plan that?
Michael Scott: No.
Pam: "Can you make that straighter?" "That job looks hard." "You should put your mouth on that." How can you even use that one naturally?
Michael Scott: Blowing up balloons, I thought.

Quote from Creed

Creed: We're screwed.
Michael Scott: Who is?
Creed: Us, you and me. The old timers.
Michael Scott: I am not old. You are old. You are, like, a 100.
Creed: You're over 40. That's the cut off. Are you listening to what he's saying? Re-training. New system, youth. I'm telling you, this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this, or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with the car, we're goners.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, Toby? What's this? "I just wanna remind everyone about the company rules involving PDA, or public displays of affection."
Toby: Yes, some people in the office have complained about other people engaging in it.
Michael Scott: Oh, really?
Toby: And you know, just wanted to remind them it's not appropriate to do that.
Michael Scott: Is this about me and Jan in my office? Because I'll have you know that that was consensual. What we did has nothing to do with you or anyone here. I don't think anyone heard anything. We're very discreet. And most people had left by that point. So I don't think it's any of your business. What I think you should do, is roll up the memo real tight-
Toby: Okay, look, the memo was not out you.

Quote from Toby

Toby: All right, everyone, look. All right, the complaint was about Jim and Pam.
Michael Scott: No way.
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Phyllis: You guys are together?
Jim: Um... Yep. Yes, we are.
Michael Scott: Whoa. Wow!
Andy: Tuna!
Michael Scott: Awesome!
Kevin: I knew it!
Michael Scott: To the two of you.
Pam: Toby, was this your fun little way of congratulating us?
Toby: Yes.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay. Mind is exploding. Get over here. Come on. Come here. Okay, stand up. Here we go. Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy. Because today is the day that Jim and Pam become one.
Jim: Actually, we're dating for 2 months.
Michael Scott: I love you guys so much. [Michael hugs Jim]
Pam: Phone's ringing.
Michael Scott: No, no. Pam, let'em ring. Let the bells of Dunder-Mifflin chime out your love. Because this is really good. This is really good. My heart soars with the eagle's nest.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: What do you want?
Dwight K. Schrute: To give you this.
Angela: What is that?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a ferel barn cat. I trapped him and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
Angela: Her name was Sprinkles.
Dwight K. Schrute: And his name is Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage 'cause he likes to eat garbage. Don't you, Garbage?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yeah, Ryan snapped at me. But there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on which said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me and you trust me, and we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man. And I love you." His words.

Quote from Andy

Andy: You should call it Dunder-Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Sorry, I didn't know you guys were in here.
Jim: No, we're just sitting here.
Phyllis: I couldn't see your hands. Oh, hey Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a sales person. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week. Okay?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young. And we called him my brother. And that's what I thought he was. Um, and then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like: a fake brother who steals your jeans.

Quote from Jan

Jan: So what's Ryan doing here?
Michael Scott: I don't know. They're launching a big new business plan, a new website. He's being a real twerp about it though. It's all about youth, and agility, and streamlining. Trying to squeeze out the older people.
Jan: He's such a snake. Hope he gets them an ageism suit.
Michael Scott: What is that word?
Jan: Ageism? Like a couple years ago we tried to force out some of the older branch managers with a mandatory retirement age and then Ed Truck, your old boss, threatened us with a lawsuit, so we had to back off.
Michael Scott: So older people have just as many rights as younger people?
Jan: Yes, Michael, they do.

Quote from Creed

[Creed has jet-black hair]
Oscar: Creed?
Creed: Yes, sir?
Oscar: Everything okay?
Creed: Everything's cool, dude.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: I'm 30. Well, in November, I'll be 30.

Quote from Michael Scott

Robert Dunder: Michael Scott?
Michael Scott: That is me! Come on in. Whis this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street, out of a box or something? Who's this worthless bag of bones? Well, this guy is none other than one of the founders of Dunder-Mifflin, Mr. Robert Dunder. [applause]
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, yeah!

Quote from Angela

Dwight K. Schrute: Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?
Angela: Very much. How is your meat?
Dwight K. Schrute: Dry, delicious.
Angela: I heard a joke today.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's funny.
Angela: Yes, it was.
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you enjoying your mineral water?
Angela: I can't do this. I can't be with you. Every time I look in your eyes, I see Sprinkles' stiff, lifeless body.
Dwight K. Schrute: Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here. It's an old sales trick.
Angela: I'm sorry. I gave this everything I could.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, please don't do this, monkey.
Angela: I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, boss. I didn't know you were coming in today.
Ryan: What's, uh, going on here?
Michael Scott: I am glad that you asked. Listen up, everybody! In the last year, we have lost seven clients to the big chains. These gift baskets are our ticket back into their lives. We are going to show up at these businesses unannounced, and we are going to win them back.
Ryan: With gift baskets.
Michael Scott: With peanut brittle. With macadamia nut cookies. With chocolate turtles. With raspberry jam. And a little bit of fat and salt. Because you know what? That's what people like.

Quote from Andy

Phyllis: How is giving people gift baskets going to get our clients back?
Michael Scott: Gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis. Gift baskets are ... the essence of class and fanciness. They are the ultimate present that a person can receive.
Andy: What about cash? Cash can buy whatever you want, including a gift basket, so it's kind of the best gift ever.
Jim: What about a gift basket full of cash?
Andy: Yes! Cash basket! Nice work, Tuna.

Quote from Creed

Creed: Hey, brah. Been meaning to ask you, can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull. Am I right? Later, skater.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Sweet ride. American made. What happened to the Sebring?
Michael Scott: It is in the body shop. I had to have the dent taken out of the hood where I hit Meredith.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's a pain in the ass.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: So who's next?
Dwight K. Schrute: Larry Meyers. Left us six months ago for Office Depot.
Satnav: Proceed to the highlighted route then route guidance will begin.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why do you use that thing? It lets them know where you are at all times.
Michael Scott: Who?
Dwight K. Schrute: The government, spy satellites, private detectives. Ex-girlfriends. [sobbing]

Quote from Pam

Pam: Yeah, I'm gonna do some mock-ups and then turn those into thumbnails. Maybe do some, uh, splash frames. I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm excited.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: I don't get it. I really don't get it. I thought this would work. I threw everything I had at that guy, nothing.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's how it goes sometimes, you know? You lose everything, and everything falls apart. And eventually you die and no one remembers you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Satnav: Make a right turn.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, wait, wait! No, no, no! It means bear right, up there.
Michael Scott: No, it said right, it said take a right.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no, no, look, it means go up to the right, bear right, over the bridge and hook up with 307. Michael Scott: Maybe it's a shortcut, Dwight. It said go to the right.
Dwight K. Schrute: It can't mean that! There's a lake there!
Michael Scott: The machine knows where it is going!
Dwight K. Schrute: This is the lake!
Michael Scott: The machine knows! Stop yelling at me!
Dwight K. Schrute: No, it's- There's no road here!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: You sure you're okay?
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine.
Michael Scott: Good. That is what's most important.
Dwight K. Schrute: Did you get the rental insurance? 'Cause that is pretty important too at a time like this.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What a disaster. This whole thing.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll call a cab.
Michael Scott: These people just don't realize what a gift basket means. They don't get it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Look at that, still works. Old fashioned cell phone.
Michael Scott: Yeah. What about that last guy, Aaron? Is he a jerk- I don't even know if I want it. Their website, so easy. Yeah, well, you can have your technology, jackass. Look where it got us.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: May I have your attention, please? This office will not be using any new technology ever, starting now.
Ryan: That is not correct.
Michael Scott: Ryan thinks that technology is the answer. Well, guess what? I just drove my car into a lake.
Oscar: You did what?
Michael Scott: I drove my car into a [beep] lake. Why, you may ask, did do this? Well because of a machine.
A machine told me to drive into a lake. And I did it. I did it because I trusted Ryan's precious technology. And look where it got me.
Jim: Into a lake.
Michael Scott: Exactly.

Quote from Angela

Angela: For the record, I've never been involved with anyone at work in any capacity.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I don't see it. I think they both could do better.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Jim Halpert's off the market. Guess who just became the best-looking single guy in the office?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Pam and Jim are together. Ryan is visiting. Only thing that could make this day better is ice cream.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: I can't believe you just thought you could replace Sprinkles, before she's even in the ground.
Dwight K. Schrute: You haven't buried her yet?
Angela: Don't rush me. I'm grieving.
Dwight K. Schrute: Garbage can be very helpful, okay? He's a useful cat. He killed an entire family of raccoons. Look at him.
Angela: I don't want Garbage. I want Sprinkles!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, there he is! Yeah. He's back! And he's with a beard. He has facial hair. Look at him! All grown up and no place to go. Hello, M. Sonny Crocket. I'm Tubbs.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Fire guy!
Ryan: Stop that!
Michael Scott: That's right! Fire guy! Don't start any fires, Ryan.
Andy: Fire guy!
Kevin: You weren't here for that.
Andy: Here for what?
Kevin: When he started the fire.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Look how big he is. Look at you! You are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man.
Kevin: Little old man boy.
Ryan: Michael, everybody-
Michael Scott: Beard.
Kevin: Bearded man boy.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Let me say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I'm your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me the same way you treated Jan.
Michael Scott: Oh, wow. That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way. Ooh. I think Ryan has a gay crush on me.
Ryan: Enough, okay! This is inappropriate and it stops right now. Do you understand?

Quote from Jim

Jim: I swore I wouldn't tell anybody this, but in the interest of revealing secrets- Oh, my god, this is gonna make your brain explode. Um. Dwight and Angela dating. Have been for six months.
Pam: No.
Jim: Swear to god. Oh, this is great. I was gonna wait and tell you on your birthday, but this is much more fun.
Pam: No, they have been dating for, like, two years. Since before your barbecue.
Jim: Wait, what? You knew. And you didn't say anything?
Pam: You didn't say anything to me.
Jim: Fair enough. Wow. We should have started dating, like, a long time ago.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Okay, what's up?
Michael Scott: Yeah, okay. Um, I was just- After the presentation, wanted to make sure that vis-a-vis me in the office, everything is business as usual.
Ryan: Well, it's business but not as usual.
Michael Scott: Yeah, no, I understand. We're making great strides and we're updating. But business as usual, no?
Ryan: No. We're throwing out the entire playbook and starting from scratch. We're implementing a brand new system.
Michael Scott: Good, so we're on the same page.
Ryan: No. We're not. Michael, I know exactly how much time and manpower are wasted in this branch. This company is getting younger, faster, more efficient. You need to prepare yourself.

Quote from Kelly

Ryan: So, how are you?
Kelly: Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys.
Ryan: Good.
Kelly: A lot. Black guys, mostly. [to Toby] What?!

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Wait. How do you touch just one of these buttons at a time?
Stanley: I don't know.
Phyllis: Did you even try?
Stanley: If the kid wants to set mine up, I'll let him.
Phyllis: I can't see half the things.
Stanley: It's too little. Use the phone.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.
Ryan: Kelly, I'm your boss now, okay? You can't keep talking to me like I'm your boyfriend.
Kelly: Oh, big strong man. Fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me.
Ryan: I never cared about you? Six months ago, Karen Filippelli sent me an email asking me out. I said no because I was committed to our relationship.
Kelly: Well, I hope you're still committed, because I'm pregnant. [later: Kelly shakes her head to camera] And guess what buddy? I am keeping it.
Ryan: Okay.
Kelly: Do you feel prepared to raise a baby?
Ryan: I ca- I can't talk about this right now, okay? After work, we'll go out to dinner, we'll talk about it then, okay?
[aside to camera:]
Kelly: We have a date!

Quote from Angela

Dwight K. Schrute: Hello.
Angela: Hello, Dwight. I've been thinking about things and I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me tonight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really?
Angela: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll make a reservation. No, no, let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side.
Angela: I would prefer a public place. See you after work.

Quote from Jan

Jan: Hey, Ryan.
Ryan: Jan.
Jan: Ryan. Ryan. Ryan.
Ryan: So, elephant in the room, I have your old job.
Jan: Well, not exactly my job. A different title.
Ryan: Oh, well, excuse me. Same office. Same responsibilities.
Jan: Different salary. You'll get there. Don't worry.
Ryan: Well, you look great.
Jan: Thank you. Thank you.
Ryan: Scranton seats you.
Jan: Best decision I ever made.
Ryan: You were let go.
Jan: You know what? Love the beard, keep it forever.

Quote from Michael Scott

Ryan: We've actual work to do.
Michael Scott: Fine. Then I'll call David Wallace and you can explain to him why you threw the founder of the company out on his ancient butt.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Bob, how old are you?
Robert Dunder: I'm 87.
Michael Scott: 87 years young. And still active. That is great. Did you know that Bob is still a member of the board of Dunder-Mifflin?
Robert Dunder: Well, I haven't been to a board meeting in years. I send a proxy.
Michael Scott: Ah. Still sends his own proxy. Good for you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Robert Dunder: I started this company in 1949. Back then, it was an industrial supplier of metal brackets, mostly for construction.
Michael Scott: Oh, boy.
Robert Dunder: And then Mifflin, of course he killed himself later, but I knew Mifflin through the rotary club.
Michael Scott: Great.
Robert Dunder: He was- He was at dinner with Beverly and her husband. What was his name? Uh, Jerry. Jerry Trupiano from South Jersey. And he was tall. Both he and Mifflin were tall guys.
Michael Scott: Great. That's great. Thank you for coming in. Robert Dunder, everybody. Thank you. That was wonderful. Do you have a ride?
Robert Dunder: Well, I came here in a cab.
Michael Scott: Perfect.
Robert Dunder: Well, could you give me another-
Michael Scott: Inspirational.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Well, today was a fantastic waste of time.
Michael Scott: I disagree. It think it was very valuable.
Ryan: Michael, technology helps business, okay? You shouldn't resist it. This is the way the world is moving.
Michael Scott: I happen to think that old ways of doing business are better. And I can prove it.
Ryan: Okay. I look forward to hearing your ideas.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Smell that. You smell that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Dry rot.
Michael Scott: No, Dwight. That smells like good business to me.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: Dwight, you have to listen to me. We are not seeing each other anymore. Can you accept that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine. Then I just wanna be friends.
Angela: Good.
Dwight K. Schrute: Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.

Quote from Jim

Jim: All right, I just have to ask. Now that we're public, um, is the magic gone?
Pam: It's funny you bring that up, because yes, it is.
Jim: I knew it. Oh, man. Just like that, huh?
Pam: I think I mean, I don't- I don't know what it is, but-
Jim: Be honest.
Pam: I now find you repulsive.
Jim: That's honest. All right, fair enough. It was really fun while it lasted, though, wasn't it?
Pam: Yeah.
Jim: For me it was.
Pam: Okay.
Jim: All right.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Ever since I was a kid, people have been telling me that I can't do things. "You can't be on the team. You can't move on to second grade." Well, now they're telling me that I can't win back clients using old fashioned business methods. We'll see about that. And FYI, I eventually hated second grade. And I was the biggest kid in class.

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: Okay, we're gonna split up into teams. Jim, Phyllis; Stanley, Dwight; me, Andy.
Stanley: I'm not driving with him.
Andy: I'll go with you, Stanley.
Stanley: Or him.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Business to business. The old fashioned way. No Blackberries, no websites. I would like to see a website deliver baskets of food to people.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Next night, I'm out at a bar, 2:00 AM. I figure I'll get a sandwich. 'Cause you can get a sandwich any time of the night. I run into Vince Vaughn.
Kevin: No way.
Ryan: Literally.
Andy: Dude, you are so money. But you dot even know it. But you do.
Ryan: Later, guys.

Quote from Andy

Kevin: Jim, how awesome is Ryan now?
Jim: Yeah, he's definitely something.
Kevin: What does that mean?
Jim: That whole lifestyle, his whole vibe, you find that appealing?
Andy: Tuna! Tuna, tuna, tuna.
Kevin: Tuna, tuna, tuna.
Andy: He has a killer job. He's rich. He smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like. He wears really cool rich guy cloth.
Kevin: And he can get any girl that he wants.
Andy: So, sorry, Tuna, but if you don't know why that's awesome, then you need awesome lessons.
Kevin: Tuna, check ya later.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Wow. Those things are heavy. There's a lot of stuff in there. We have macadamia nut cookies, the honey mustard pretzels. Have you ever tried focaccia crisps?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: That guy was so st- How ca they not know how much better we are?
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't know. Sometimes people are just impossible and they make you miserable.
Michael Scott: That is true.
Dwight K. Schrute: Like Angela in accounting.
Michael Scott: Yes, she is nuts.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, she's wonderful. At accounting. But she drives me crazy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Satnav: Make the next right turn.
Michael Scott: How do they know? How does this know where to turn? That's very impressive.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Look, we want you back.
Former client: Can you offer lower prices?
Michael Scott: Well, no.
Former client: Then we're not coming back.
Dwight K. Schrute: He's not coming back. It's over.
Michael Scott: No, it's not.
Former client: No, he's right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Accept it, why would he come back?
Michael Scott: Why would he come back? I'll tell you, Dwight. He would come back because we offer a wide selection of products, and you're not getting the same customer service that you get with us, are you?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's not gonna change his mind. He's moving on. We had our chance and we killed it.
Michael Scott: [sighs] Look. We're also coming out with a website soon. It's a state-of-the-art thing. It'll be up and running. It's gonna cut costs and it will make ordering much easier.
Former client: Well, okay. Well, when it's up, I'll check it out and if it really cuts costs, maybe we'll come back.
Michael Scott: Great. The magic of the gift basket.
Former client: That I don't care about as much. Let me know when the site's up.
Michael Scott: Okay, good. Don't let Emily have any of the Cajun almonds. She's allergic.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Remain calm. I have trained for this. Okay. Exit the window! Here we go.
Satnav: Make a U-turn if possible.
Dwight K. Schrute: Look out for nature! Michael! Are you okay? Swim for it! I got you! I got you! Michael!
Michael Scott: Let go. Let go off me!
Dwight K. Schrute: I've got you! I've got you! Come on! Come on!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hang up. You know what we're gonna do? We're walking back. We're walking back to that office. And we are going to re-claim our gift basket!
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Michael Scott: We're going to take what's rightfully ours. We're gonna take a stand, Dwight. We're gonna take a stand!
Dwight K. Schrute: Take a stand!

Quote from Jim

Jim: I guess he can't get any girl he wants.

Quote from Michael Scott

Former Client: Do you forget something? What happened to you guys?
Michael Scott: Give it back. The gift basket. Give it back.
Former Client: Oh, what is this?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's real simple. If you don't appreciate what we do, then give us back our basket.
Former Client: Maybe you should leave.
Michael Scott: Yeah, maybe we should. Maybe we should leave. Come on, let's leave. But before we leave, my wet friend and I are gonna wait for our cabs on your nice couches!
Dwight K. Schrute: Can you call us a cab, please? I'm gonna- Oh, sorry!
Michael Scott: Look. My clothes are so wet. Nice leather.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, my shoes are so muddy!
Former Client: All right, here you go. Take it back!
Michael Scott: It's been opened.
Former Client: Yeah, it was mine.
Michael Scott: What's missing? The turtles. Where are the turtles?
Former Client: Come on, guys. Get out of here!
Michael Scott: Where are the turtles?! Where are they?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me. I've got an announcement to make. We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with pecans. And we will not be leaving the premise until we obtain them. Hand over the turtles now! I ate them, okay?
Former Client: I ate them, okay. I ate the turtles. They're gone!
Dwight K. Schrute: [leaving] We'll bill you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Phyllis: Did you get any clients back?
Michael Scott: Maybe. Maybe not. Time will tell. But I will tell you one thing, those gift baskets never endanger anybody's lives. Game, set, match. Point. Scott. Game over. End of game.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: I'm not saying I had a meteoric rise, but I did. And if they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now, they wouldn't be giving me a noogie. It was two hundred dollars.

Quote from Angela

Angela: It's not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: [on the phone] Yes, I understand that, David. I just felt that if we were to downsize Kelly, and then outsource customer service to India, which a lot of companies- Yeah, no- Yes, Kelly is Indian. I understand that's confusing.


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