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38Quotes from ‘Last Day in Florida’

The Office: Last Day in Florida

818. Last Day in Florida

Aired March 8, 2012

As Dwight gets ready to make his big presentation in Florida, Jim learns that Robert plans to tank the whole project. Meanwhile, Erin tells Andy that she won't be returning from Tallahassee.

Quote from Oscar

Phyllis: If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure?
Oscar: You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride.

Quote from Kevin

Darryl: Would you like to buy some cookies?
Kevin: Cookies, eh?
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: [rapping] Oh, the springtime thinks that it's the best. And fall time thinks that it's the best. Cold time has, kind of a strut. And Valentine's thinks that it's the best. But gather round, peeps, I'll tell you the truth. Nothing beats the cookie season, that's the truth.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Can you help me? I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy.
Irene: Just open the program and type in his username.
Erin: Can you just do it?
Irene: [after briefly typing] Here, type in your password.
Erin: 'Erin123'
Irene: That's a terrible password. And you don't "make a video chat", you video chat.
Erin: All right.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us.
Angela: What?
Andy: He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever.
Angela: So, he's alive.
Andy: Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful.
Angela: Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead.
Andy: How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke... of good fortune and he is now in a better place.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: All I need is Kevin. Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined and then some. When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man. Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin.

Quote from Erin

Irene: When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all.
Erin: Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I'm staying in Florida.
Irene: Oh, what kind of tea is this?
Erin: Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Creed: It's a photo of all of us.
Pam: Aw, that's so sweet!
[A dart fires out of the box and lodges in the ceiling. Elsewhere, to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: A dart? Are you kidding me? Who would put a poison dart- Well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison. I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I'm glad he's OK though. Kinda sounds like he deserved it, opening another man's treasure and all. Wow!

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: Look, I need this. Ok? Your daughter is a pretty little girl. Let her go door-to-door. You think people gonna buy cookies from my [hesitates] chubby daughter?
Phyllis: Oh.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: Baby, if you're watching this, you're not chubby, you're beautiful. Daddy's just got to sell some cookies. And we're also gonna exercise more. It's gonna be fun.

Quote from Nellie

Robert: I am loving the chemistry between you two.
Nellie: I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George.
Robert: I bet. I'm excited.
Nellie: Trick! There's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah!
Nellie: I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either.

Quote from Jim

Jim: This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight. It's a weird feeling. It's, um, what's the word? It's not, it's not bittersweet. It's uh... sweet. Yeah.

Quote from Andy

Darryl: Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year?
Andy: Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice.
Darryl: I'll put you down for shortbreads.
Andy: Damn it.

Quote from Toby

Toby: [to Andy] Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha's first year in the troops, so I'm selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some?
Darryl: No. No.
Toby: What?
Darryl: I been selling here for five years. This is my spot.
Toby: You can't claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can't you sell at your church or barber shop? Or chess club, or?

Quote from Erin

Erin: Hey, Lucy, I'm home. Bobaloo.
Irene: Oh, here let me help.
Erin: I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre [Nellie emerges from behind Dwight]
Dwight & Nellie: to the power of two.
Nellie: How did that look?
Gabe: I'm not just saying this, that was the best thing I've ever seen.
Dwight K. Schrute: [to Nellie] I told you.
Todd: When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hmm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. [to Nellie] You'd spin off right. I'd spin off-
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It's gonna make some really good toilet paper.

Quote from Kevin

Darryl: [to Kevin] What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies? You can't trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man. Maybe Toby from two years ago.
Phyllis: [laughs] Yeah.
Kevin: That's true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I gonna call? Darryl. Toby's probably in bed with some model.
Darryl: Thank you.
Toby: I'm- I'm not gonna comment on my personal life.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Nothing is gonna stop me. That is the mark of a great man. Unstoppability. Dunder-Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those things vanish in my rear-view mirror. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. And from what I hear, she's a slu- Ah![Jim tackles Dwight]

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Help! Help! [Jim tries to cover Dwight's mouth]
Jim: Gross! Don't lick my hand! God, why is there so much saliva?
Dwight K. Schrute: All I had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest.

Quote from Kevin

Darryl: [in a feminine voice] Hi. This is Alex.
Toby: [in feminine voice] And this is Sam.
Darryl: [in a feminine voice] Kevin can't come to the phone right now because he's busy with us.
Kevin: Perfect! Now people will think I'm doing hot girls all day.
Darryl: I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens.
Toby: Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names.
Kevin: Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony?

Quote from Robert

Robert: What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution.
Todd: If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Schrute.
Robert: I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.
Nellie: Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. Fire the employee, yes. But not the man. You may not cancel his soul.
Robert: That was never on the table.
Toby: [to Nellie] Are you kidding? [to Robert] She's the queen of the whole freaking magilla!
Robert: And yet Todd, it's you who's fired.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure.
Oscar: I am dying to know what's in there.
Andy: Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane. [everyone turns to Creed]
Creed: Hi, hello.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [on a golf course] Well, mister ball, it's been a pleasure. Now, give my regards to hell.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [to Robert] You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples.

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: Ah. In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see. We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias.

Quote from Kevin

Darryl: It's not a scratch-and-sniff, Kev.
Kevin: I know. But sometimes you still get a little something.
Toby: [to Darryl] Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin.
Darryl: You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport.
Toby: No, no, no. It's not fair. What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me?
Kevin: I do.
Toby: See?
Darryl: That doesn't mean anything. [to Kevin] Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me?
Kevin: Oh, I definitely do.
Darryl: [to Toby] Huh. Hit the road, jack.
Toby: No, you hit the road, jack.
Kevin: Hey guys, come on. Don't fight over me.
Toby: You know, why don't we split the order? It's only fair.
Kevin: No. Wait, no. I'm buying, I make the rules. I actually do want you to fight over me. I wanna be wined and dined and... 69ed.
Andy: Ugh.
Kevin: Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts! No offence, Oscar.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: All right. So, I guess this is it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always got along and at times, I've even hated your guts. But...[smiles] Bye-bye. I win.

Quote from Robert

Jim: Well, he's Florida's problem now.
Robert: Oh, let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day.
Jim: What's that?
Robert: I'm gonna tank the Sabre store at the presentation to the board.
Jim: I thought you liked the store?
Robert: Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers.
Jim: Thank you.
Robert: But, there's a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? They're cheap. They're unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone's wise do us.
Jim: Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible.
Robert: I couldn't just kill the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: [from across the green] Robert, I'm gonna win! Ha ha, I'm the gentleman! Suck it!
Robert: [to Dwight] Bravo, Dwight! Very good! [Jim looks surprised] [to Jim] Shame.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you?
Jim: Can I just talk to you for one quick second?
Dwight K. Schrute: What, your stylist ran out of 'messy spray'? [others laugh]
Jim: Um, actually it's, it's for your own good. I think maybe we should- [gestures toward hallway]
Dwight K. Schrute: You want to do something for my own good? Turn around, walk out that door, do not stop 'til you get to Scranton, find my cell phone charger, mail it back to me, and then go hell.

Quote from Todd

Todd: Nice. Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy?
Dwight K. Schrute: [to Packer] Silence.
Todd: Aw, I'm just trying to-
Dwight K. Schrute: I know what you're trying to do, I don't want it. [to Jim] But your face does look like the guy from Operation.
Todd: That's- That's the same guy. It's the joke I made.
Dwight K. Schrute: Different guy.

Quote from Jim

Pam: [on the phone with Jim] He said, "I did like Dwight"? He's gonna fire him.
Jim: No, no, I think it was more like, "You know, I liked him, but I don't anymore because he did a bad job, so I'm definitely gonna yell at him".
Pam: Robert doesn't talk like that. You have to stop Dwight from doing this.
Jim: I tried. He will not listen.
Pam: Did you actually try your hardest?
Jim: Yes... my pretty hardest. Look, you haven't dealt with him in awhile, all right. He's like super Dwight. It's like he's been bitten by a radioactive Dwight, or som- Stanley, back me up.
Stanley: Don't talk to me.
Jim: Stanley's very upset that we're leaving Florida. But he would back me up.

Quote from Meredith

Kelly: [to Kevin] Oh, you know what you have to do? To decide? You need to make them do things for you. And, like, buy you things.
Pam: Or have them sing that song! That the frog does in Looney Tunes.
Phyllis: Make them kiss each other.
Meredith: Make them kiss me.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: This is tough. 'cause Darryl, you sang better and you dance better, but Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star. I think I've reached my decision. I have decided... that you guys are gonna keep doing things for me.
Darryl: No, no, no, no. It's not worth it.
Toby: No.
Kevin: No, it's not worth it? That's too bad. 'cause I was feeling particularly hungry this year.
Darryl: Yeah, okay, so what, you buy 40 boxes?
Kevin: Hungrier.
Toby: 50?
Kevin: Hungrier.
Darryl: You're not talking... triple digits?
Kevin: Oh yeah, I'm talking triple digits. Again.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: You again? Gosh, I keep throwing you away, you keep flying back here. You're like an Amish return stick.
Jim: OK, great. Listen to me. Listen to me. [Dwight makes funny gesture] No, no, I know. Will you just let me tell you one thing, please?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, you may tell me one thing. Wait, you want to borrow money?
Jim: Listen to me. Robert is going to veto the Sabre store.
Dwight K. Schrute: [rolls eyes] Jim, come on.
Jim: Dwight, he's gonna kill the store.
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh-huh.
Jim: And then, I'm pretty sure he's gonna fire you for it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait. [holds up two fingers] He's gonna kill the store? And he's gonna fire me?
Jim: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: [smiles] That's two things.
Jim: Dwight, please.
Dwight K. Schrute: Nice try, Jim. Your pranks have never worked in the past and they're not going to work today.
Jim: OK, first of all, they've mostly worked, so-
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? You might want to get to the airport. It's gonna take you a long time to get through security with all those beauty products. Bye.

Quote from Todd

Todd: Well, looks like Shnoot's a no-show. Guess he wasn't vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I'm your man.
Nellie: Right, let's begin then. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mr. Todd Packer.
Todd: 'sup.

Quote from Ryan

Phyllis: What are you doing?
Andy: Oh, I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff since apparently she's not coming back. And she didn't bother to tell anyone.
Oscar: We knew. Ryan told us.
Andy: Ryan, why didn't you tell me?
Ryan: Thought you checked my Tumblr?
Andy: You never update it.
Ryan: Well, I updated it.

Quote from Toby

Darryl: This may be wrong. But there's a limit to what I would do for my child.
Toby: Yeah. I have my dignity too. I refuse to be another man's horsey.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: No guys, stop! You have to sell me cookies. I'll do anything. [starts performing Hello! Ma Baby] I'm even gonna kiss Meredith. [kisses Meredith] That is... Hmm... That's, ah, so good.

Quote from Kelly

Darryl: Hey, hey. They're back.
Kelly: Dwight, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Florida?
Jim: Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um... Wow, you look great. Did you lose some weight?
Kelly: Thank you, for someone who actually notices this. No, I didn't lose weight. But I started using my makeup to contour my face to look skinnier. I actually put on five pounds.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I'm going to Florida to get Erin. [grabs coat, runs out, then returns] Forgot to turn off my email. It's crazy, right? It's just, when she said she was leaving, I felt so- [looks at computer frustrated] 'You're about to close four tabs, are you sure you want to continue?' Yes. I am sure. Ah, slow computer!


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