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‘Junior Salesman’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: Junior Salesman

913. Junior Salesman

Aired January 31, 2013

When Dwight is asked to interviews candidates to work part-time at Jim's desk, he is determined not to hire Clark and instead invites all his friends to come in.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: When I was young, I spent several years at a private school where I was told I would be taught to harness my mutant abilities. Turned out it was a conman copying Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters from the X-Men comic books. Took me years to figure out that it was a con. Some people never figured it out.

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Quote from Clark

Clark: This sucks, you know? You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, and what do they do? They make you compete for a promotion, like an animal. You know, I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What quality would make you a good sales associate?
Mose: People person.
Dwight K. Schrute: It says here on your resume that you spent the last 15 years as a sales rep for Dow Chemical.
Mose: That's right.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know we live together, right?
Mose: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: And I've never seen you go to work, ever.
Mose: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: So why is this on your resume? [Mose gets up and runs out]

Quote from Jim

Jim: No, it does matter who ends up sitting next to Pam when I'm gone. The people around you are basically who you end up spending your life with. I mean, because of where my desk was, I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love. So, that stuff matters. Definitely does.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: [observing a roomful of Dwight's friends] This is not natural.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman?
Trevor: Ooh, okay. Didn't see that one coming. Can I take a 20 on that? Maybe we can circle back around to it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, it's a pretty basic question for a potential paper salesman.
Trevor: Pass. Next one.
Dwight K. Schrute: All right. Do you see yourself as more of a team player or a self-starter?
Trevor: No, no and no.
Dwight K. Schrute: There were only two options.
Trevor: Checkmate. You win this one, my friend. Do you validate parking?
Dwight K. Schrute: This is a bus transfer.
Trevor: [chuckles] Nothing gets by this guy.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: Hey, boom guy.
Brian: Oh, hey Meredith.
Meredith: When are you gonna boom me?
Brian: Uh, listen, they're cracking down on us talking to the subjects. It's a lame rule, but, you know, I wanna... I- I'll see you later.
Meredith: Got it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Clark: Hey, so I hear you're bringing in some people to interview for the sales job?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's right, a couple of old friends. Ballers only. Must be this cool to ride.
Clark: Well, uh... See, you raised it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, did I? Oh, yes, I did.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Wallace is letting me hire a junior sales associate to sit at Jim's desk while he's away in Philly. Finally I'll have someone at my desk clump who gets me. It's like, "Really, Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? Uh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses." Wow.

Quote from Clark

Clark: You know what, man? I deserve this job.
Dwight K. Schrute: Mm-hmm.
Clark: I scored Stone and Son Suit Warehouse with you, and God knows, to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, I went above and beyond. And under.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? You're gonna get your interview, okay? I know that you're going head-to-head against some real superstars, but you got a really good chance.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Clark has no chance. I mean, he's up against my buddy Rolf, for God's sake. Guy goes fishing with hand grenades. And Trevor, he'll make you laugh so hard, you'll puke your pants.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Big changes coming to the old desk clump. No longer a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. Now it is Dwight and a friend axis against Pam.
Jim: You could've just called that an alliance too, right?
Dwight K. Schrute: I chose my words very carefully.

Quote from Clark

Clark: [sighs] You interviewing for the sales job too?
Rolf: No. You're interviewing for it. I'm getting it.
Clark: Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that. I mean, I've been working here 12 weeks. That's a full season of Homeland. A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen.
Rolf: I'm Rolf. Rolf Ahl.
Clark: Rolf Ahl? Sounds kinda like Roald Dahl.
Rolf: Go to hell.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: So I've got your resume here, but it's not telling me everything.
Rolf: Well, a lot of that information is private. How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, I'm the one offering the job.
Rolf: What are your credentials?
Dwight K. Schrute: I've worked here for 12 years. I won salesman of the year. I'm an Assistant to the Regional Manager.
Rolf: I think I've heard everything I need to hear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, wait, wait. No, I mean, if you need to know more, you can call David Wallace. I'm sure he'd give a reference.
Rolf: Thank you, Dwight. I'll be in touch.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Well, they can't all be winners. But Trevor's next and he's a real professional. You say, "Jump," and he says, "Oh who?" He loves to jump on people, that Trevor.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Do people like sitting next to you? You're clean, right?
Clark: Oh, Dove Men.
Jim: Nice. Music. Do you listen to it in earbuds? You don't listen to it at all because we're at work, not a Florence and the Machine concert, so...
Clark: Yeah, could I just have a minute to prepare for this?
Jim: Sure, yeah. Do whatever you need to do.
Clark: Thanks, dude.
Jim: Right after you do one thing for me. I need you to breathe in my face.
Clark: Why?
Jim: I need you to breathe in my face right now.
Clark: [exhales]
Jim: What are we working with, peppermint or wintergreen?
Clark: Wintergreen.
Jim: I knew it, I knew it.
Clark: Yeah, good nose.
Jim: I looked at you coming around, and I said, "Wintergreen."

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