Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Pool Party’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: Pool Party

812. Pool Party

Aired January 19, 2012

As Robert gets ready to sell his house following his break-up, he invites the employees to a pool party for one last hoorah.

Quote from Robert

Robert: When I put in the screening room, I bought three movies: Caligula, Last Tango in Paris, and Emmanuelle 2. Last two movies I actually watched in here: Marley and Me and On Golden [bleep] Pond.

Rate

Quote from Erin

Erin: I'm not going to be one of those exes who can't move on. They have their life and I have mine. I'm taking an Italian class. So far I have learned tortellini, spagettini, linguini... Well, it's not so much a class as a restaurant, but I do Monday, Wednesday, Friday from seven to nine.

Quote from Toby

Oscar: Toby, what's compelling about this is the note of persimmon. Right?
Toby: Note? It's a symphony.
Oscar: Okay, you have to join my wine-tasting club.
Toby: I would love that.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: Toby, you are playing a dangerous game. Guess I'm through the gateway now, though, right?

Quote from Jim

Cathy: [to Jim] Hey, late guy.
Jim: Hey. Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to. A wife and two kids at home party.
Andy: Oh.
Jim: DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: You're looking at the master of leaving parties early. They key is, you have to make a strong impression, so you want to have a picture taken, you want to say some peculiar non sequitur that people remember, you want to note something unique, a talking point, for later. I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve, I was home by nine.

Quote from Robert

Jim: [to Robert, who's looking at pictures of a house online] Whoa, looks pretty nice. Got a little bit of a Shining vibe, though.
Oscar: Oh, who needs a house that size?
Dwight K. Schrute: Big. Stupid. Pure chump bait.
Robert: I'm selling the house, actually.
Jim: You know, there's a glare from over here... Oh, wow. That's magnificent.
Robert: It's mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state and I've got the most expensive house on the market. The one percent are suffering too, people. I bought it to be my Playboy mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, sex, intrigue... This was hot on the heels of "Eyes Wide Shut", mind you. Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place.

Quote from Meredith

Jim: Hey, um, I think you parked my car in. Is there any way you can move your van?
Meredith: Oh, I'm sorry. When I got here, I put my keys in a bowl.
Jim: Are you serious?

Quote from Robert

Robert: The ultimate insult? They're calling my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room. [Jim laughs] Does my turmoil amuse you, Jim?
Jim: I'm sorry, I thought you were making a joke.
Robert: What could you possibly have found funny in what I said? What was the joke you thought you heard?
Jim: I guess I thought you were approaching it with more of a sarcasm than misery. [chuckling] Kind of laughing at your own pain. Sad clown thing.
Robert: Oh, yes. How hilarious it is to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of the dying circus industry. Very funny, Jim. I get it.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Here we have the parlor. I imagined people would set down their coats and symbolically their inhibitions. This was the gateway. You enter this room a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a judge, but beyond it you're simply a penis, a vagina, hunger, ache. Susan used it as a Pilates studio.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: [climbs in Dwight's car] What's the haul?
Dwight K. Schrute: Thirty-two meatballs.
Stanley: Good day.
[to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: That idiot's been feeding us for a week.
Stanley: We'll never have to buy meatballs again.

Quote from Robert

Robert: I pictured myself here every night eating a leg of mutton, the juices dripping down my bare chest, wiping my fingers on the walls. Then I met the vegan.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: [sits down] Oh, ugh. [stands up and looks at chair] What is this, a meatball? Really? [Stanley laughs]
[aside to camera:]
Jim: It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam so now that she's out I had to find someone else. Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan. But not everything makes him laugh. He has very specific tastes. Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I've found out what he likes. And it's really weird.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, come on! That's so juvenile! What the- [opens drawer full of meatballs]
Stanley: You've been meatballed! [laughs]
Dwight K. Schrute: Ugh.
Stanley: Are you ready for some meatball?
Dwight K. Schrute: Aw, man. [Stanley laughs] This is not very clever, Jim.
Jim: I know.
Stanley: Look for your stapler!
Dwight K. Schrute: [Dwight finds his stapler enclosed in a giant meatball] Really Jim? Really? Very funny.

Quote from Robert

Andy: Um, I'm getting reports of a serious outbreak of the grumpies in here.
Robert: A beautiful monster cost me my forties and my dream home. I think I'm entitled to the occasional bad day.

Quote from Erin

Erin: I guess Andy isn't totally over his current girlfriend. But, if he was jealous once before then maybe I can make him jealous again. Just not with Robert. He told me he was a ride I wouldn't survive, and I believe him.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: You guys got to try this pool. No top scum, no band-aids. This thing is choice.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Funny how we can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely. Hi.
Andy: Hi.
Erin: How is everything? How's your car?
Andy: It's great. You know... Reliable. Great mileage.
Erin: Is that so? How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something? Maybe get caught in the rain?
Andy: Well, I can't. I'm going skiing with Jessica. You know, a couple of dopes on the slopes.
Erin: Oh, like a goodbye trip.
Andy: No. What?

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode