Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It's good for me. It's a perfect way to start the day. Today, I got up, I stepped onto the grill, and it clamped down on my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.

Michael Scott: Can I have everyone's attention, please? Phyllis. Oscar. Ryan, who is supposed to be dead. Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it's like to be disabled? Oscar?
Phyllis: Um, I had scoliosis as a girl.
Michael Scott: Never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble.
Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung.
Michael Scott: Wh- How old are you? No, it Look, the point is, I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Stanley: I'm not disabled, and neither are you.
Michael Scott: Okay. What does this look like to you, Stanley?
Stanley: Mail Boxes Etc.
Michael Scott: Shut it.

Michael Scott: While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive, I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society.
Jim: Quick question.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim: Why is Tom Hanks on the wall?
Ryan: Twice.
Michael Scott: Good question. Forrest Gump, mentally challenged. Philadelphia, AIDS.
Kevin: I think that's from Big.
Michael Scott: I don't think so. No.
Kelly: Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia.
Michael Scott: He grew into a man overnight, a rare disability. Still works.

Jim: It's Jim. Just say again really loudly what happened.
Michael Scott: [on speaker phone] Okay, I burned my foot very badly on my Foreman grill and I now need someone to come and bring me in to work.
Jim: You burned your foot on a Foreman grill?

Ryan: I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.

Pam: It's just that before, you said you didn't want any special treatment.
Michael Scott: I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would a family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask.
Pam: Do you want some aspirin? Because you seem a little fussy.
Michael Scott: No, I don't want some aspirin. Yeah, I am fussy. Aspirin's not gonna do a damn thing. I'm sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot.

Pam: [answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Michael Scott: Pam, it's Michael. Help me. I need help right now!
Pam: Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott: I'm hurt. I have hurt myself. [groaning] Oh, my God!
Pam: Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Michael Scott: Oh, this is not looking good, Pam.
Pam: Michael, do you need me to call an ambulance?
Michael Scott: No! I want you to pick me up.
Pam: Okay. Wait a sec. I thought you said that you were hurt.
Michael Scott: I am hurt. I hurt my foot. I'm sorry. I want to come to work, but I need you to come and pick me up.

Michael Scott: Morning, everyone. Don't freak out. I forbid anybody to freak out. Clearly, I have had a very serious accident, but I will recover. God willing. I just want to be treated normally today. Normal would actually be good, considering the trauma that I've been through.
Pam: You missed two big conference calls today, one with corporate.
Michael Scott: Oh, did you explain why?
Pam: No, I didn't mention that you cooked your foot.
Michael Scott: Burned my foot, Pam.

Michael Scott: Please stop popping my cast. Thank you.
Jim: So where are you shipping your foot?
Michael Scott: [laughing sarcastically] So, where are you shipping-
Dwight K. Schrute: Your foot.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, man, is that a Prism DuroSport?
Pam: You've seen one of these?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. They're like an iPod, only they're better, because they're chunkier and more solid.
Pam: Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to put songs on it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, no, no. Don't go there. I know this Russian website where you can download songs for two cents apiece.
Pam: Really?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. Only, the only thing is, is that all the songs are in Russian. Kidding.
Pam: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why would they all be- Okay, see you later, Pan.
Pam: Pan?