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‘The Injury’ Quotes

The Office: The Injury

212. The Injury

Aired January 12, 2006

After Michael injures himself at home with a George Foreman grill, he has the staff of Dunder Mifflin waiting on him hand and injured foot. In his valiant effort to come to Michael's aid, Dwight gets a concussion.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It's good for me. It's a perfect way to start the day. Today, I got up, I stepped onto the grill, and it clamped down on my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Can I have everyone's attention, please? Phyllis. Oscar. Ryan, who is supposed to be dead. Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it's like to be disabled? Oscar?
Phyllis: Um, I had scoliosis as a girl.
Michael Scott: Never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble.
Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung.
Michael Scott: Wh- How old are you? No, it Look, the point is, I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Stanley: I'm not disabled, and neither are you.
Michael Scott: Okay. What does this look like to you, Stanley?
Stanley: Mail Boxes Etc.
Michael Scott: Shut it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive, I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society.
Jim: Quick question.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim: Why is Tom Hanks on the wall?
Ryan: Twice.
Michael Scott: Good question. Forrest Gump, mentally challenged. Philadelphia, AIDS.
Kevin: I think that's from Big.
Michael Scott: I don't think so. No.
Kelly: Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia.
Michael Scott: He grew into a man overnight, a rare disability. Still works.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: It's Jim. Just say again really loudly what happened.
Michael Scott: [on speaker phone] Okay, I burned my foot very badly on my Foreman grill and I now need someone to come and bring me in to work.
Jim: You burned your foot on a Foreman grill?

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: [answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Michael Scott: Pam, it's Michael. Help me. I need help right now!
Pam: Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott: I'm hurt. I have hurt myself. [groaning] Oh, my God!
Pam: Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Michael Scott: Oh, this is not looking good, Pam.
Pam: Michael, do you need me to call an ambulance?
Michael Scott: No! I want you to pick me up.
Pam: Okay. Wait a sec. I thought you said that you were hurt.
Michael Scott: I am hurt. I hurt my foot. I'm sorry. I want to come to work, but I need you to come and pick me up.

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: Morning, everyone. Don't freak out. I forbid anybody to freak out. Clearly, I have had a very serious accident, but I will recover. God willing. I just want to be treated normally today. Normal would actually be good, considering the trauma that I've been through.
Pam: You missed two big conference calls today, one with corporate.
Michael Scott: Oh, did you explain why?
Pam: No, I didn't mention that you cooked your foot.
Michael Scott: Burned my foot, Pam.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: Please stop popping my cast. Thank you.
Jim: So where are you shipping your foot?
Michael Scott: [laughing sarcastically] So, where are you shipping-
Dwight K. Schrute: Your foot.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: It's just that before, you said you didn't want any special treatment.
Michael Scott: I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would a family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask.
Pam: Do you want some aspirin? Because you seem a little fussy.
Michael Scott: No, I don't want some aspirin. Yeah, I am fussy. Aspirin's not gonna do a damn thing. I'm sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, man, is that a Prism DuroSport?
Pam: You've seen one of these?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. They're like an iPod, only they're better, because they're chunkier and more solid.
Pam: Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to put songs on it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, no, no. Don't go there. I know this Russian website where you can download songs for two cents apiece.
Pam: Really?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. Only, the only thing is, is that all the songs are in Russian. Kidding.
Pam: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why would they all be- Okay, see you later, Pan.
Pam: Pan?

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: What?
Michael Scott: Come here, please.
Pam: Tell me before I come there.
Michael Scott: I want you to rub butter on my foot.
Pam: No.
Michael Scott: Pam, please? I have Country Crock.
Pam: No.

Quote from Toby

Michael Scott: Oh, God! Oh, help! Help me.
Toby: What happened?
Michael Scott: I fell off the toilet. I'm caught between the toilet and the wall.
Toby: What do you need?
Michael Scott: Not you. Someone else. Get Pam.
Toby: I don't think Pam's gonna wanna come in to the men's room.
Michael Scott: Get Ryan. He needs to lift me, and he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel.
Toby: Ryan is dead.
Michael Scott: No, he's not.
Toby: Dead.
Michael Scott: I just saw him.
Toby: No. Can you just get up yourself? You only grilled your foot.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Do you think Dwight's being a little weird today?
Pam: No. He's actually been really nice and helpful.
Jim: And that isn't weird?
Pam: Well...

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, you know what? Disabilities are not things to be laughed at or laughed about. You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me.
Phyllis: Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder.
Michael Scott: [sighing] I burned my foot!

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: A crossword puzzle, Stanley? Seriously, are you learning nothing here?
Stanley: Mmm-hmm.
Michael Scott: What do you mean, "Mmm-hmm"?
Stanley: I mean I'm learning nothing.

Quote from Michael Scott

Billy Merchant: Sorry I'm late. Somebody parked in the handicapped parking space. Hey, everyone, I'm Billy Merchant. You may have seen me around here before. I'm the Properties Manager of this office park.
Michael Scott: You are so brave. You are so brave.
Billy Merchant: Thank you. Actually, I've been meaning to come by here for a long time-
Michael Scott: But it's hard for you, right? Because you're in a wheelchair.
Billy Merchant: No, I just have a lot of properties to manage.
Michael Scott: Let me ask you something. How long does it take for you to do something simple every day? Like brush your teeth in the morning.
Billy Merchant: I don't know, like 30 seconds.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God. That's three times as long as it takes me.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I wanna clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Did you see Born on the Fourth of July? I was under the impression that Billy would be more like that guy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know what? I feel better. Ryan brought me some chocolate pudding and his kindness healed my foot.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yeah, baby! I am feeling better. My body's literally healing itself. It is amazing what the human body is capable of when you have a powerful brain.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Shotgun!
Jim: You don't think you should sit in the back with Dwight?
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout "shotgun" when you're within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That's how the game is played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Oh, God, a minivan. What is Meredith's problem?
Jim: Well, I think she has a kid.
Michael Scott: Yeah, she has one kid and no husband. She's not gonna find one driving this thing around.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Give me the bottle or you're fired!
Dwight K. Schrute: You can't fire me. I don't work in this van.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: Dwight, what is your middle name?
Dwight K. Schrute: Danger.
Michael Scott: Something with a "K."
Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad that I know that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What do I write under "reason for visit"?
Jim: Concussion. [Michael scratches out the form] What did you write?
Michael Scott: Nothing. I wrote, "Bringing someone to the hospital."
Jim: So you thought they meant your reason for coming to the hospital?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?
Doctor: A head injury.
Michael Scott: Well, you don't have all the information. The foot has been fairly severely burned, and healed quickly, very quickly. Actually, like, suspiciously quickly.
Doctor: So I'm ordering a CAT scan.
Dwight K. Schrute: What is that?
Michael Scott: Look, since you have the machine up and running, can I just stick my foot in? We can take a look.
Doctor: Well, for a burn, you really just need to look at the outside of the foot.
Michael Scott: Okay, what kind of machine is that?
Doctor: Does the skin look red and swollen?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: That's my joke. Damn it, Dwight.


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