Creed: In the parking lot today there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high-wire, a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator; a strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.

Kevin: Oh, what a summer! An emotional roller-coaster. I ran over a turtle in the parking lot, but then I saved him by gluing his shell back together. But I'm not that good at puzzles. So I patched him with stuff from around the office. But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right. Then, one day, when I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again. But I rebuilt him even better that time. But it turned out the turtle was already dead. Probably when I ran over him the first time.

Angela: Well, I need to give my cat up for adoption.
Kevin: The one who uses the doorbell, or the one with the Mexican hat, or the one with the rain galoshes, or the one you let go around naked?
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat them. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin.

Angela: Oscar. Oscar, will you take him?
Oscar: No, I'm a dog person.
Angela: If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.
Oscar: Those guys always turn back, Angela.

Dwight K. Schrute: In a way it's like I have a son. And who knows? Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I'll have a grandson.

Ryan: I've actually done a lot of market research and it actually turns out that southwestern Ohio is going to be the next Silicon Valley. They call it the Silicon Prairie. It's a big university town. And, uh, that's not garbage, it's my clothes.

Andy: Alright, who's next? Darryl?
Darryl: This seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do.

Toby: Kelly Kapoor is gone. Her fiancé Ravi was hired as a pediatrics professor at Miami university.
[flashback:]
Kelly: [tossing out her winter coats] I don't need 'em anymore. I am going to Miami, bee-yotches. To hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan.
[back:]
Toby: Miami University in Ohio. On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused about it. Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio, for what he claimed were unrelated reasons.

Dwight K. Schrute: Paranoid? I'm not familiar with the word. And I really don't have time to learn new words right now, okay? A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job.

Clark: I've always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.