Dwight K. Schrute: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine-bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It's a perfect situation for me. Although, two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one. And it's under the porch.

Jim: Stanley, I just played Dunder Ball with Toby. What about you? You got any games?
Stanley: Yeah, I got a game. It's called "work hard, so my kids can go to college."
Jim: Fair enough.

Michael Scott: I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.

Michael Scott: Oh, breakfast.
Ryan: I got your sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.
Michael Scott: Yummy, yummy, thank you, Ryan.
Ryan: What was the thing you needed me to come in early for?
Michael Scott: Um... The sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. But, thank you. And why don't you just take a couple hours. Office is yours. Home Alone, Risky Business. Take your pants off, run around. Whatever you want to do.
Ryan: I'm just going to take a nap in my car till work starts.
Michael Scott: Okay. [removing the bread] See? Healthier, got to watch those carbs.

Michael Scott: Today, I, Michael Scott, am becoming a homeowner, investing in real estate.
Dwight K. Schrute: Diversifying. Smart.
Michael Scott: Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It is very important to own property. Back in olden days, they would not even let you vote unless you owned property, and they'd throw you in the stocks and humiliate you.
Dwight K. Schrute: And it worked.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: They should bring the stocks back, people would obey the law, there'd be less troublemakers.
Michael Scott: Maybe.

Dwight K. Schrute: You know, you can always refinance your mortgage. We had a 15-year on our beet farm, we paid it off early.
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, you know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst.
Dwight K. Schrute: People love beets.
Michael Scott: Nobody likes beets.
Dwight K. Schrute: Everyone loves beets.
Michael Scott: Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. I'd love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet.

Dwight K. Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years and we make a great team. Why, we're like one of those classic, famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Dwight K. Schrute: A 30-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. Now, if I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.

Michael Scott: Well, this isn't about work. This is closing on a condo. It's completely personal.
Dwight K. Schrute: So, you're taking a personal day?
Michael Scott: [spluttering] Except that it's about my living arrangement and as boss I need to have a living arrangement in order to do work.