Deangelo: I'm no MJ. I can do his dunk. From the free throw line.
Kevin: Whoa.
Darryl: Damn! Mad respect for my brotha!
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: The man is paying me to take Chinese. I will say what I need to say, and soon, I will say it in Chinese.

Pam: How can you keep defending him?
Jim: He's good at his job. And I like working for him.
Angela: Of course you do, Jim. You're a man. Deangelo is a huge sexist.
Andy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think if he was sexist, I'd be able to tell. I took a crap load of women's studies courses at Cornell. And I wrote my own companion piece to the "Vagina Monologues" called the "Penis Apologies." So I know a thing or two.

Ryan: Hey! Kelly, that's the last time I'm gonna talk to you about your paycheck! Okay? We pay you a fair salary here, and if you're only here for the money, maybe you shouldn't be here at all.
Deangelo: No one likes a money grubber.
Kelly: I'm sorry, Mr. Howard, I apologize for grubbing for money. I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. Deangelo, Ryan is not my boss. Okay? Frankly, he hasn't had a real job here in years.
Deangelo: Ohh.
Ryan: Oh, that's hilarious, Kelly.
Kelly: No, he's just a big fraud, Deangelo. He's like Rango. He doesn't work here, basically. Just like the way Rango didn't save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding.

Deangelo: There he is. Got ya coffee.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, wow, thank you. That was so kind of you. [throws cup in the garbage]
Deangelo: Not a coffee guy, I take it, huh?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's just that I own the coffee shop. So, once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do is make sausage, because it's so much fun.
Deangelo: Listen. I've got a sixer. "Automatic for the People" on the jukebox. Let's hit the park after sundown. Come on! Pick up some sausage if you want.
Dwight K. Schrute: I think you'll find what you're looking for [points toward Oscar] over there.

Deangelo: You know, I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.
Dwight K. Schrute: Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy. Each one better than the last.

Dwight K. Schrute: If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.

Jim: Uh oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled "administrative" and "assistant."
Darryl: The winner: Under special skills, Mr. Don Feiner put juggling. [laughter]
Deangelo: What's wrong with juggling, Darryl? I'm a big juggler. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine.
Jim: Seriously?
Deangelo: Oh yeah. I'd do it for you here, but uh, what would you say this room is, 300 square feet? 320?
Gabe: 320. Just freeballin' it.
Deangelo: It's a little cramped. How many square feet out there? 17, 18 hundo?
Kevin: Oh, I think it's 18 hundo.
Gabe: Give or take.

Pam: Is that what he tells you at your little inner circle meetings?
Jim: Careful. There is no inner circle.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Oh, there's an inner circle. Oh, yeah.
[separately to camera:]
Jim: There is no inner circle. Deangelo just prefers to delegate a few things, to a few guys.
[separately to camera:]
Kevin: Jim only says that because he's in the inner circle. I also say that because I am also in the inner circle. Did you get that, Ma? Your boy, Kevin Malone, is in the inner circle! ... Which doesn't exist.

Deangelo: Hey Ry. Your department's killing it, baby.
Ryan: Hey hey, my pleasure, my treasure.
Deangelo: Keep it up.
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: The problem with having "It" or "the X-factor" or whatever it is you want to call it, is that it's impossible to put into words what you're bringing to the table. So to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just, without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor. It's not even that much of a stretch. She pretty much does whatever I say.

Pam: Look. I'm juggling eggs and bowling balls. I'm juggling with one hand. No hands.
Jim: What could he possibly stand to gain from a fake juggling routine?
Pam: What could he possibly stand to gain from a real juggling routine?