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26Quotes from ‘The Inner Circle’

The Office: The Inner Circle

723. The Inner Circle

Aired May 5, 2011

The Dunder Mifflin staff worry about getting in the inner circle of their new boss, Deangelo, who seems to favor the male employees.

Quote from Darryl

Deangelo: I'm no MJ. I can do his dunk. From the free throw line.
Kevin: Whoa.
Darryl: Damn! Mad respect for my brotha!
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: The man is paying me to take Chinese. I will say what I need to say, and soon, I will say it in Chinese.

Quote from Kelly

Ryan: Hey! Kelly, that's the last time I'm gonna talk to you about your paycheck! Okay? We pay you a fair salary here, and if you're only here for the money, maybe you shouldn't be here at all.
Deangelo: No one likes a money grubber.
Kelly: I'm sorry, Mr. Howard, I apologize for grubbing for money. I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. Deangelo, Ryan is not my boss. Okay? Frankly, he hasn't had a real job here in years.
Deangelo: Ohh.
Ryan: Oh, that's hilarious, Kelly.
Kelly: No, he's just a big fraud, Deangelo. He's like Rango. He doesn't work here, basically. Just like the way Rango didn't save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding.

Quote from Andy

Pam: How can you keep defending him?
Jim: He's good at his job. And I like working for him.
Angela: Of course you do, Jim. You're a man. Deangelo is a huge sexist.
Andy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think if he was sexist, I'd be able to tell. I took a crap load of women's studies courses at Cornell. And I wrote my own companion piece to the "Vagina Monologues" called the "Penis Apologies." So I know a thing or two.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Deangelo: There he is. Got ya coffee.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, wow, thank you. That was so kind of you. [throws cup in the garbage]
Deangelo: Not a coffee guy, I take it, huh?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's just that I own the coffee shop. So, once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do is make sausage, because it's so much fun.
Deangelo: Listen. I've got a sixer. "Automatic for the People" on the jukebox. Let's hit the park after sundown. Come on! Pick up some sausage if you want.
Dwight K. Schrute: I think you'll find what you're looking for [points toward Oscar] over there.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Deangelo: You know, I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.
Dwight K. Schrute: Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy. Each one better than the last.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.

Quote from Kevin

Pam: Is that what he tells you at your little inner circle meetings?
Jim: Careful. There is no inner circle.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Oh, there's an inner circle. Oh, yeah.
[separately to camera:]
Jim: There is no inner circle. Deangelo just prefers to delegate a few things, to a few guys.
[separately to camera:]
Kevin: Jim only says that because he's in the inner circle. I also say that because I am also in the inner circle. Did you get that, Ma? Your boy, Kevin Malone, is in the inner circle! ... Which doesn't exist.

Quote from Ryan

Deangelo: Hey Ry. Your department's killing it, baby.
Ryan: Hey hey, my pleasure, my treasure.
Deangelo: Keep it up.
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: The problem with having "It" or "the X-factor" or whatever it is you want to call it, is that it's impossible to put into words what you're bringing to the table. So to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just, without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor. It's not even that much of a stretch. She pretty much does whatever I say.

Quote from Gabe

Jim: Uh oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled "administrative" and "assistant."
Darryl: The winner: Under special skills, Mr. Don Feiner put juggling. [laughter]
Deangelo: What's wrong with juggling, Darryl? I'm a big juggler. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine.
Jim: Seriously?
Deangelo: Oh yeah. I'd do it for you here, but uh, what would you say this room is, 300 square feet? 320?
Gabe: 320. Just freeballin' it.
Deangelo: It's a little cramped. How many square feet out there? 17, 18 hundo?
Kevin: Oh, I think it's 18 hundo.
Gabe: Give or take.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Look. I'm juggling eggs and bowling balls. I'm juggling with one hand. No hands.
Jim: What could he possibly stand to gain from a fake juggling routine?
Pam: What could he possibly stand to gain from a real juggling routine?

Quote from Andy

Pam: Why don't you talk to him about it?
Jim: And say what? "Hey Deangelo, are you shy or just a sexist?"
Pam: Why don't you just tell him how his actions are being perceived by the women in this office?
Jim: Mmm-hmm.
Andy: And if he doesn't listen, then he can kiss his penis goodbye. Snip snip. Am I right, girls?

Quote from Kelly

Pam: So, Jordan, uh, where did you work before? Uh, a law office?
Jordan: No, Anthropology. "We don't have this in that size..." Pretty lame.
Kelly: Lame? You worked at Anthropology?
Jordan: Yeah.
Kelly: That's like my dream job. How did you even get that job?
Jordan: Well, I um-
Kelly: You chose this job over that job?
Ryan: Okay, okay, back to work, Kelly, we have a lot to get done today.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Yes! I'm in.
Angela: Andy, what are you doing?
Andy: I'm going in, into the belly of the beast. Gonna infiltrate and change from within. What's up mancave? [barking]

Quote from Pam

Andy: Okay, I do not want to waste your time, so I will keep this br-r-r-r--ief. Now, word on the street is, Mercy Hospital, back on the market. Deangelo would like you to put together a sales pitch for next week. Deangelo has also recently learned about the Barnacle Project. Which is a non-profit organization based in Mystic, Connecticut that assists in the scraping of barnacles-
[aside to camera:]
Jim: So this is my life. Until I win the lottery [laughs]. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.
[separately to camera:]
Pam: So one afternoon, while walking home from school, quirky 10th grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes... The Horse Flyer.

Quote from Gabe

Pam: Hey, it sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun, but it's really loud, and some of us are trying to work, so do you think you could do it a little more quietly?
Gabe: Well, that's gonna be tough, because we're getting a dunking clinic from Magic Jordan himself.
Deangelo: Oh, you mean Michael Jordan?
Gabe: [laughs] Total brain burp.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Deangelo?
Deangelo: [gibberish]
Jim: Oh my God, are you alright? Erin, will you call 911 please?
Erin: Who should I say is calling?
Jim: Erin.

Quote from Ryan

Deangelo: Is this true, Ryan?
Ryan: I did not see Rango.
Deangelo: Okay, I don't have time for this he said-she said.
Kelly: He's not saying anything!
Deangelo: It's too murky. I like Ryan. You seem kind of hysterical to me. Ryan's your supervisor. Let's just leave it that way.
Kelly: That's not fair, I mean, I've been working here for such a long ti-
Ryan: [sighs] Oh, close call! Okay, why don't you just finish this up and leave it on my desk and I will see you at your place around 2 am.

Quote from Darryl

Deangelo: So, coasting time is officially over. Big changes are comin', and they're comin' fast. If you don't like 'em, this is called a door. You can walk right through it, alright? I'm not here to be your friend. I like my life outside of this place. I live to leave at 5. Change number one: Darryl. per your request, the company is sending you to business school at night. Full ride. Deal with it.
Darryl: Seriously?
Deangelo: Stone cold seriously.
[aside to camera:]
Deangelo: They are trying to figure me out. And I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear. And I need to quickly figure out who's a good worker and who is simply a good mind reader. Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care.

Quote from Kevin

Deangelo: Change two, Toby, you're gettin' a new chair.
Toby: Thanks.
Deangelo: Don't thank me! Hey, don't thank me, guy! Okay? And I don't care if you like it.
Oscar: These sound like good ideas, why wouldn't we like them?
Deangelo: I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream. You either like it or you don't. [Andy nods] That's my attitude right now in this room. That's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays. Alright? Clear? Any questions?
Kevin: This all sounds great to me. ... But I could see how some people might think that they're bad. I don't know what to think.
Deangelo: That is a s- Astute observation, Kevin.
[aside to camera:]
Deangelo: Kev's got me pegged. [chuckles]

Quote from Pam

Deangelo: It blows away Vermont in the fall.
Darryl: Snap, for real?
Pam: Good morning, Deangelo.
Deangelo: Hold on.
Pam: Okay.
Deangelo: [continuing to talk to Darryl] And if you're really serious, you should go in the spring.
Pam: Because of the flowers.
Deangelo: No. Because the entire state smells like earth.
Pam: Dogwoods, or just the Earth.
Deangelo: Yes, Pam.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Deangelo: No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.

Quote from Ryan

Kelly: What?
Ryan: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Kelly: Why should I pretend that you are my boss?
Ryan: Because what would you have done in that situation, Kelly? I'll tell you what I would have done for you. I'd lie for you.
Kelly: Yeah, but you lie all the time. You lie for no reason. Ryan, you just like to lie.
Ryan: I'd die for you too.
Kelly: You really would?
Ryan: [hears Deangelo entering] Hey, Kelly Kapoor, if I don't have those call logs on my desk, we're just gonna have to evaluate your future at the company!
Kelly: Sure thing, Mr. Howard.
Deangelo: Woo. Glad he's not my boss.
Ryan: [whispers to Kelly] You're the best. Thank you.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Deangelo: You know what... straight up, why don't you like me?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here. Okay? I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me do it. Okay?
Deangelo: Oh... no.
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Deangelo: Okay? I'm gonna win you over.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, you're not.
Deangelo: Yes I am.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Oh, yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes [running out of the break room] yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: [on the phone] Mom, Ryan's taking us out to dinner tonight. No, no, he's not going to stand us up like he did last time. He won't ever stand us up again.
[later, both talking to camera:]
Ryan: So I am the new customer service supervisor.
Kelly: When Deangelo's around.
Ryan: And I am also a very dutiful boyfriend when...
Kelly: All the time.
Ryan: All the time.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Deangelo: Erin, do you mind running down to the lobby and bringing up my brand new executive assistant?
Erin: Absolutely.
Jim: Hey, who'd you end up hiring?
Deangelo: Oh, I'm glad you asked, Jim. Because apparently there's a rumor running around here that I am a sexist. I can't work here effectively if you guys think I'm something that I am not. I am not a sexist. Raise your hand if you have a vagina. Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Just about everyone. What about Deangelo's hand? Oh, wow. He's got 'em both up. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah, so it bothers me when I hear that there's gossip around here that I treat women lesser than men. Okay? Frankly, we all look a little ridiculous when that happens.
Phyllis: I'm not a feminist, but I think that the men in this office are being given chances that the women aren't.
Deangelo: Dwight, what's your take?
Dwight K. Schrute: What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.
Deangelo: Man, you are smart.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jordan: Dwight? Deangelo wanted me to ask you if there's anything I can help you with.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? Anything.
Jordan: Do you need anything?
Dwight K. Schrute: Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone.


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