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94Quotes from ‘Fun Run’

The Office: Fun Run

401. Fun Run

Aired September 27, 2007

After Michael runs over Meredith in the company car park, he tries to earn her forgiveness. When they learn Meredith might have caught rabies from the bat in the office, Michael decides they should host a charity fun run for the disease. Meanwhile, Angela regrets asking Dwight to look after her cat, and Jim and Pam keep quiet about their new relationship.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So Ryan got promoted to corporate where he is a little fish in a big pond. Whereas back here in Scranton, I'm still top dog in a fairly large pond. So who's the real boss? The dog or a fish?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes, I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I am trying to make.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not, like, this compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.

Quote from Creed

Creed: I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower. but you make more money as a leader.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Jim: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Where?
Michael Scott: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could. And she is going to be okay.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: People keep calling me a "wunderkind." I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what it means. It means very successful for your age. So I guess it makes sense, but It's a weird word.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: It's only Meredith.
Michael Scott: Yeah, it's only Meredith. Thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey. Why did you it?
Michael Scott: It was an accident.
Dwight K. Schrute: Was she talking back?
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just got sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh. Is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances?

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: All right, since I am the boss, I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun?
Stanley: You can't be serious. You ran a woman over this morning.
Michael Scott: Everybody inside the car was fine, Stanley!

Quote from Creed

Phyllis: Does it hurt terribly?
Meredith: No, it's not too bad. They have me on a lot of painkillers.
Creed: Oh, really? What kind, codeine? Vicodin? Percocet? Fentanyl? Oxycontin? Palladone?
Meredith: I have no idea.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Oh, yes, I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.

Quote from Kelly

Michael Scott: Kelly, you are Hindu. So you believe in Buddha.
Kelly: That's Buddhists.
Michael Scott: Are you sure?
Kelly: No.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I'm hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has been largely eradicated in the U.S. But not very many people know that.

Quote from Pam

Pam: So I closed the door but the image of his...
Jim: Baguette.
Pam: Dangling participle is still burned in my eyes.
Jim: I can imagine.

Quote from Jim

Jim: One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.

Quote from Angela

Pam: Angela? Are you coming?
Angela: I can't. Sprinkles is sick.
[aside to camera:]
Angela: She's been sick for some time. Thank you for asking. No one asks about Sprinkles.
[back:]
Angela: I have to give her her meds, I have to pet her. And who will she eat lunch with?
Pam: Can't your other cats keep her company?
Angela: There's bad blood. Jealousies, cliques.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Ugh. I hate hospitals. In my mind, they are associated with sickness.

Quote from Angela

Michael Scott: Alright, let's just go around the room, and tell me what you believe in.
Stanley: I'm a ... Catholic.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Darryl: Presbyterian.
Pam: Oh, me too.
Darryl: For real?
Pam: Same religion.
Phyllis: I'm a Lutheran, and bob is a Unitarian. It keeps things spicy.
Angela: That's why we're cursed.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kevin: You ca not make me run. It is not a real charity. It's stupid, Michael and I'm not gonna do it.
Michael Scott: All right, all right.
Kevin: You didn't run for me when I thought I had skin cancer.
Michael Scott: I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts.
Kevin: No.
Michael Scott: Okay. Well, back in olden times, a large, fat person like this was a person of power. A person who had money, who could buy food. A person of respect, like the regional manager of the day. Whereas someone athletic and trim like myself was somebody who worked in the fields, and I was a peasant.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts, is a vicious circle. You have sensitive nipples, they chafe. So they become more sensitive. So they chafe more. So I take precautions.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, everybody, listen up! Thank you for coming. Before we get started, I want to say a few words about this deadly disease called rabies. And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. [revealing a poster of Meredith] That should scare you. It scares me. You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: three Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: four Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming, barking killer.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is going be a very good year. Very good. Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protégé Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. Andy and Dwight are rocking the sales team. I feel very blessed.
[As Jim pulls into his spot, he slams the breaks on as Meredith rolls across the hood of his car]

Quote from Pam

Sadiq: Generally it's not a good idea to click on any internet offers that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer?
Pam: It was for a video.
Sadiq: Yeah, well, what kind of video?
Pam: A celebrity sex tape.
Jim: Really? What kind of celebrity?
Pam: Not relevant.
Jim: How much you paid for it?
Pam: Not relevant.
Jim: You paid for it?
Pam: It all happened so fast!

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Are you kidding me? Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. All they do is smile. They're just keeping it a secret. Right?
Oscar: I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. Could other things.
Kevin: Are you kidding me?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] So I need a little treat for the gang. Something to win their affections back.
Ryan: Back? Why is that, Michael?
Michael Scott: Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
Ryan: Oh, no. Did you do this on purpose?
Michael Scott: No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will-
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael Scott: Yes. It was on company property with company property, so... Double jeopardy, we are fine.
Ryan: I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael Scott: Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is "we're fine"?

Quote from Angela

Angela: Hey, D.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey monkey, what's up?
Angela: Can you do me a favor? Go to my place and give Sprinkles her medicine?
Dwight K. Schrute: Sure.
Angela: I have to visit the alchie.
Dwight K. Schrute: Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what? I bet she cracked it at home. Jumped in front of the car to get some worker's comp.
Angela: I wouldn't put it past her.
Dwight K. Schrute: So what do you need me to do?
Angela: I wrote it out. There's a diabetes shot. Roll the insulin in your hands, don't shake it. She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal. But you have to put her right in front of the dish, or she won't see it because of the cataracts. Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine. And you wanna give that to her fifteen minutes after she's eaten. Oh, and there's a fungal cream, because she has this infection under her tail. So you're gonna have to lift her tail and put the cream right at the base of her tail.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: Hey.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, monkey.
Angela: Any problems?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, you left the TV on. And your cat is dead.
Angela: What?!
Dwight K. Schrute: Sparkles, the white one, is dead.
Angela: Sprinkles.
Dwight K. Schrute: That was the sick one, right?
Angela: Uh-huh. [sobbing] But I thought she had more time.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Angela: Did she look- When you saw her, how was she looking?
Dwight K. Schrute: Really dead. Like a, just a dead cat. So... Hey, come on. Don't be sad. Just- Okay? Just- She's in a better place.
Angela: All right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Actually, the place she's in is the freezer. Because of the odor.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. She cracked her pelvis. A tiny, little crack. And she's gonna be fine. So let just-
Pam: Michael, Angela's cat died.
Michael Scott: Sprinkles? Oh. I'm sorry, Angela. Man, what a day, huh? How could it get any worse? Her computer crashes with the porn, and then Meredith with the accident, and then Sprinkles! God! That's three things. I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed. And we need to do something about it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, I am taking responsibility. An it's up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but I'm I am a little stitious.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground?
Oscar: Like what?
Michael Scott: Like park on it. Or dig up a body. Toby? Do you have anything you wanna tell us?
Toby: No, I did not violate an Indian burial ground. In fact, I had some good luck recently. Alfredo's pizza picked my business card out of the basket, so I get a week of free pies.
Pam: That's cool.
Toby: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: Sprinkles never hurt a soul. God, in your infinite wisdom, how can you do this? She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish.
Dwight K. Schrute: It is only a cat.
Angela: You never- You don't like them.
Dwight K. Schrute: Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith?
Dwight K. Schrute: No, I have not.
Michael Scott: Well, I think you should go to the hospital and pay your respects.
Dwight K. Schrute: I do not respect her. But I will go.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity used to keep Meredith alive, we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what's unethical. [to Meredith] Blink once if you want me to pull the plug.
Meredith: Don't pull any plugs.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Intern: How are you doing, Miss Palmer?
Meredith: Better.
Intern: Excellent.
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you a doctor or a male nurse?
Intern: I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor.
Dwight K. Schrute: Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy, but she did, or at least, she got time off for one.
Intern: Ah. So that is where her uterus went.

Quote from Meredith

Intern: Um, Miss Palmer. Your last tetanus shot was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago?
Meredith: Yes. Dwight here trapped it in a bag against my head.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just doing my job.
Intern: It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon?
Meredith: And a rat. Separate occasions.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones. Everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense. God is dead.
Kelly: If there was a God, then Ryan and I would be married by now.
Michael Scott: Maybe believing in God was a mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun? Maybe there's some sort of animal that we could make a sacrifice to. Like a giant buffalo. Or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just the head of a monkey with the antlers of a reindeer. With the body of a porcupine.
Jim: I will do some research.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Oh, well. If they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together. Like PB & J. Pam Beesly and Jim. What a waste. What a waste.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I told you I'm not dating anyone. And even if I was, I don't think it's anyone's business. I mean, when I do fall in love, like, when it's for real, the last person I'm gonna talk about it to is a camera crew or my coworkers. Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson as I ever wanna be. Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know.

Quote from Angela

Angela: This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. I kept her going through countless ailments. I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once, and she is now deceased. This is Halloween last year. Just a couple of kittens. Out on the town.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: We have raised almost $700, most of it from me and Jan. Um. When do they put that on the giant check? Or is that something that we write in later?
Pam: Well, a giant check costs about $200 to make up. I have a print shop standing by, but- What do you think, Michael? That's over 25% of our funds.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh. It's a tough decision. I always imagined it with a giant check.
Jim: Yeah, I mean, I personally am definitely on board for the giant check.
Pam: Giant check it is.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. How's that going?
Pam: Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700. Or $500 if we go with the giant check.
Michael Scott: Which we are.
Pam: And also, there is no such thing as a rabies doctor.
Michael Scott: How about a rabies nurse?
Pam: I don't think so.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I don't know. On the other hand, it does leave less money for bat birth control.
Jim: Bat birth control.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait. This money's going to bat birth control, right? That's what you told me when I contributed.
Michael Scott: You didn't contribute very much.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe we should skip the ceremony and just set up a college fund for Meredith's son.
Michael Scott: Have you met that kid? He's not going to college.

Quote from Creed

Jan: Okay, name, please?
Creed: Creed Bratton, 75+ division.
Jan: You're over 75 years old?
Creed: 82 November 1st. How much is the prize money?
Jan: There's no prize money.
Creed: Well, is any of this real?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I would like you to accept this check for $340 made out to Science. Make sure that that gets into the right hands.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm fast. I'm very fast. I'm like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jan: Water, babe?
Michael Scott: No, no water for me. Not while rabies causes fear of water. Solidarity!
Jan: Michael, that's irrational!
Michael Scott: Rabies victims have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. So least I could do.

Quote from Toby

Michael Scott: That fettuccine is hitting my stomach like a rock.
Dwight K. Schrute: You got nothing to worry about. I put Imodium in Toby's coffee before the race.
Michael Scott: Excellent! Simpsons! Wait, Imodium or ex-lax?
[cut to:]
Toby: I'm making great time. Usually I have to take a bathroom break halfway through a race like this, but not today.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: You're feeling better?
Angela: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat.
Angela: The vet's removing Sprinkles' organs right now and sending them to the lab.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am a farmer, Angela.
Angela: What does that mean?
Dwight K. Schrute: When a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, that has no quality of life, that has no utility, a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do.
Angela: You did kill her! I-
Dwight K. Schrute: I sang her her favorite songs.
Angela: You put her in my freezer!
Dwight K. Schrute: It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep.
Angela: Then she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, I'm not responsible for that-
Angela: You!
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, oww.
Angela: t's nothing!
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm robbing her!
Andy: It's nothing!
Dwight K. Schrute: It's nothing! It's fine!

Quote from Toby

Toby: And the winner is Toby Flenderson!
Kelly: Have a seat. I'll write it down.
Toby: Where are we?
Kelly: I don't know. Like five kilometers from the office.
Toby: He couldn't have made it circle?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I am not going to finish. I can't beat rabies. Nobody can beat rabies. Rabies has been around for a thousand years. I was a fool to think that I could beat it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: What are you doing here? Did you come back for us or-
Michael Scott: I can't finish. I feel so weak. I just-
Jim: You're probably dehydrated.
Michael Scott: What do you want me to do, Jim?
Jim: A glass of water would be a start.
Michael Scott: No. There are people all over the world with all sorts of problems and afflictions and diseases. They're deformed and they're abnormal, and they're illiterate and ugly. Symphonies don't have any money. Public TV is bust. I can't do anything about it. I can't, you know- There's just one of me, and there's a thousand of them. And rabies wins.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Finishing that 5k was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I ate more Fettuccine Alfredo and drank less water than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. Today, I had a triumph of the human body. That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts and my heart. And while I eventually puked my guts out, I never puked my heart out. And I'm very, very proud of that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay. Well I did not get the job in New-York. But I got the real prize domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast this morning. Well, she bought the milk. It's soy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is why I do it. That's what I have to come home to. She probably won't be up for a few hours.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I broke up with Karen after the job interview. And, uh- It was a little awkward when she came back from the city. She told me very clearly that just because we were broken up doesn't mean that she was going anywhere, because she had worked really hard for her career. But the next day, her desk was empty. And as for me and my current romantic life I, uh I'm single now and looking. So if you know anybody...

Quote from Pam

Pam: Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. I talked him through his breakup.
It's really nice to be good friends again.

Quote from Michael Scott

Andy: Did you see who did it?
Dwight K. Schrute: No need. We can just check the security tapes.
Michael Scott: Yeah, kind of a good news/bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
Jim: Who was driving?
[Michael is silent]
Pam: Oh, Michael.

Quote from Kevin

Pam: Hey, guys. We're all gonna visit Meredith at lunch. And we're kicking in $5 for flowers.
Kevin: Who's we? You and Jim?
Pam: No, me and Stanley and Phyllis so far.
Kevin: I bet Jim goes too.
Pam: Yeah. I haven't asked him yet.
Kevin: I bet you ask him.
Pam: I was planning on it.
Kevin: I bet you were.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, I have an announcement.
Oscar: You pushed Darryl out the window?
Phyllis: You shot Dwight?
Michael Scott: No. No, that is not funny. I love my employees. Even though I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look, I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy and on to more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree.
Jim: Oh, good, so we don't have to work.
Pam: We're leaving for the hospital at 1:00.
Michael Scott: So, like, a freedom tree.
Pam: I can take 3 people.
Jim: I can also take 3 people.
Oscar: [to Kevin] Separate cars.
Michael Scott: Pam?
Pam: Alright, I will get a card at the hospital and we'll sign it outside her room.
Michael Scott: Pam.
Pam: Sales people can go later in the day. Hourly workers can go at lunch.
Michael Scott: Okay, good, good. So we'll just all go down there together at lunch. Excellent.
Pam: I was thinking-
Michael Scott: Good work, Pam.
Pam: But if you-
Michael Scott: Yaay, Pam!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Oh, she looks like an angel.
Kelly: She looks awful.
Michael Scott: No okay. She always looks like that, it was not my fault.
Jim: I think she's awake.
Michael Scott: No, she's in the coma.
Nurse: No.

Quote from Meredith

Michael Scott: Okay. Meredith. [hauntingly] Ooh! I brought all your friends from the office, dear.
Meredith: At the same time.
Michael Scott: Yep.
Stanley: Hello, Meredith.
Meredith: This is weird.

Quote from Michael Scott

Meredith: Well, it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. I'll see you guys at the office.
Michael Scott: Okay, wait up, wait up, guys. Guys, guys, hold on a sec. You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun? Is if you forgave me in front of everybody.
Meredith: Michael, I'm not gonna do that.
Michael Scott: 'Cause you know what they say in the bible about forgiveness? Forgiveness is next to godliness.
Angela: No, that's not-
Michael Scott: Ssh. Shh. Just-
Meredith: Michael, you cracked my pelvis.
Michael Scott: Look, I just- I don't understand what is preventing you from laughing this off and giving me a big hug.
Meredith: You're not forgiven.
Michael Scott: Come on.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right. I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs.
Toby: Oh, Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs.
Michael Scott: Satan is the master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite.
Toby: All right, well, then you can ask about religious beliefs.
Michael Scott: Thank you for the permission. Psych!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What are you?
Sadiq: Well, if you're gonna reduce my identity to my religion, then I'm Sikh. But I also like hip-hop and NPR. And I'm restoring a 1967 corvette in my spare time.
Michael Scott: Okay. So one Sikh, and...

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: So just to be safe, they are giving her the rabies vaccine.
Michael Scott: Oh, God. Rabies?
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh-huh.
Michael Scott: I was in the hospital room with her. How contagious is that? Is that like an STD?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. You gotta be bitten by something.
Michael Scott: This place is so cursed.
Dwight K. Schrute: Actually, the doctor said she was lucky, 'cause the only way to beat rabies is to start treatment before the symptoms set in. Lockjaw.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I know a lot of you are very upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her with my car. But it may make you feel a little bit better to know that before that happened Dwight endangered her life by putting a garbage bag over her head and it had a bat in it.
Jim: Six of one, really.
Michael Scott: Turns out, Meredith has been exposed to rabies. Which is, like, ten times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me, she went to the hospital, and that saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken, people! Oh, there is a God! And he has a plan for us after all. So go home, get some rest. Very, very good work today. Got a lot accomplished.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer memorial celebrity rabies awareness fun run race for the cure, this is Pam.
Michael Scott: Pro-am.
Pam: Pro-am race for the- They hung up.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: [on the phone] No, rabies. Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hi, Stankley, how many sponsors so far?
Stanley: Zero.
Michael Scott: Come on, man. You gotta step it up. It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.
Andy: And isn't that your money?
Michael Scott: That is for a good cause.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Psst. I'm having relationship problems. And since you're always having relationship problems, I thought you could give me some advice.
Pam: What's wrong?
Angela: I have this crazy thought that I know is crazy that maybe Dwight killed my cat.
Pam: Hmm.
Angela: When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer where Dwight said he left her. But all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds!
Pam: Ah.
Angela: Something's not right. The vet's doing an autopsy.
Pam: Angela, I'm sorry.
Angela: Did Roy ever killed one of your cats?
Pam: I'm... more of a dog person.

Quote from Jim

Jim: So what's your strategy for this race?
Pam: Well, I'm gonna start fast.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Pam: Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle.
Jim: What?
Pam: Then I'm gonna end fast.
Jim: Why won't more people do that?
Pam: 'Cause they're stupid.
Jim: [looking at the camera] What?

Quote from Jim

Pam: Yeah, I gave him a ride home because...
Jim: Right.
Pam: We're dating.
Jim: Wow. There it is.
Pam: Uh, yeah. We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. Right?
Jim: It is going really great.

Quote from Angela

Dwight K. Schrute: Ow! You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger.
Angela: Oh, really?
Dwight K. Schrute: You'll feel better after the 5k. Exercise is good for depression.
Angela: I am not depressed. I'm in grief!

Quote from Jim

Jim: You know what, though? I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour. For parties and bachelor events.
Michael Scott: That's possible. Look into that.
Jim: Great, it's gonna cost a couple hundred bucks and, oh, actually more with tips.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Michael, 5k means 5,000 kilometers, not 5,000 miles.

Quote from Michael Scott

[Michael knocks on the door]
Pam: Come in.
Michael Scott: May I enter the room?
Pam: Yes. Or "come in."
Michael Scott: See how I did that? That's the way you should enter a room. You knock and wait for the all clear.
Jim: You couldn't have taken all your clothes off in the men's room?
Michael Scott: Yes. But I have an office, so why would I do that?
Pam: On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office? Just ballpark.
Michael Scott: European offices are always naked.
Pam: They're so not.
Michael Scott: Besides, my shirt tail covered most of it so...
Pam: I didn't see where it started, but I saw where it ended.
Jim: Gross.
Michael Scott: That's not gross! It's the human body. What is your problem? Pam, you're an artist, right? Think of me as one of your models.

Quote from Pam

Pam: They say if you're nervous around someone, you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on. Or a funny coat.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Oh, I'm sorry, is this a working office and not a French beach?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Check that out. Look at me, I'm Toby! I'm stretching. I know what I'm doing. Why is he even here?

Quote from Jan

Jan: So I heard that you were peeping on Michael.
Pam: What? No, it was not-
Jan: Look, I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, okay? So hands off.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And it is something that- Darryl! hat're you doing?
Darryl: I give him a peanut.
Michael Scott: No, don't give him- Just- Did you hear anything I said?
Darryl: Look how happy he is.
Michael Scott: He's happy because he's insane. That's a perfect example of the kind of awareness we need to generate.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here.
Elizabeth: Hello, Michael.
Michael Scott: Oh, hey, I know you. Elizabeth, right?
Elizabeth: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Very cool you went back and got your degree.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You got it?
Dwight K. Schrute: Mm-hmm.
Michael Scott: Okay. Fettuccine Alfredo. Time to carbo load.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I've walked 2 marathons. Pretty sure I can handle a 5k. The key is drafting to eliminate wind resistance.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Oh, we're in last place.
Jim: Oh, would you look at that?
Pam: Darn it.
[Pam and Jim hold hands]

Quote from Andy

Andy: Oh, God. My nipples! It's starting.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Can we get another round?
Waitress: Okay.
Stanley: Thanks. So we've got what? Another 20 minutes?
Oscar: More or less.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Ooh, an estate sale. Want to go in?
Pam: I don't know. I'm really committed to winning.
Jim: Okay, but what if I told you that all the money you spend here goes to preventing a disease already cured.
Pam: Yes.
Jim: That's what I thought.

Quote from Pam

[As Ryan phones the Scranton branch from Corporate:]
Pam: [answering machine message] You have reached the offices of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Currently the entire staff is out doing the Michael scott D.M.S.M.P.M.C. Rabies awarness pro-am fun run race
Michael Scott: For the cure.
Pam: Leave a message.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: How could you do that without telling me?
Dwight K. Schrute: I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. I took care of that cat the best way I knew how.
Angela: Cat heaven is a beautiful place, but you don't get there if you're euthanized.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. Well, he's not great, but he's pretty good.
Angela: You don't understand.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Hey, Michael, look at this lamp. $8.
Michael Scott: That's a good deal.
Pam: And Michael, you don't have rabies. And chances are you're not gonna get it anytime soon. So you don't really have to think about it too much.
Michael Scott: Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done.
Pam: Yeah, but there's other better people out there who are helping.
Michael Scott: You just don't think I am capable of making a difference.
Pam: I know you, Michael. I saw you naked.
Michael Scott: You don't- You don't know me. You've just seen my penis. I can make a difference. Remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off by hitting Meredith with my car. And I owe it to her to finish this G.D. 5k.

Quote from Michael Scott

Meredith: Hey, Michael.
Michael Scott: Hey, Mer. How you doing?
Meredith: Better.
Michael Scott: It's ironic, isn't it? I mean, I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water. And you're in it for a disease that causes a fear of water.
Meredith: I'm in because you hit me with your car. But I want to say... I heard you were trying really hard, so I'm not mad at you anymore.
Michael Scott: Thanks. I'm not mad at you anymore. Want to share? [pulls a lollipop out of his mouth, hands it over]
Meredith: Sure.
Michael Scott: I'm not really sick. [Meredith offers the lollipop back] I'm good.


 Episode 324 Episode 403