Toby: [excitedly] Oh, I should get the accident report binder. I've never used the gun violence forms before.

Dwight K. Schrute: I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life. Because I am manager of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin. Acting Manager.

Jim: If I had thought that there was a real chance that Dwight would be permanent manager, I would have pre-quit. And you might be saying to yourself, "Well that's pretty premature to think," but I always say, it's better to be pre-pre-preprepared.

Kelly: Dwight, I would like tomorrow off so that I can go on my American Idol audition.
Dwight K. Schrute: American Idol? What? No.
Kelly: Okay. I guess I can just not go. Do you guys wanna hear my solo?
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Kelly: [singing] Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree?
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, fine. You can go on your singing audition.

Jim: So as it turns out, unless you're a young child or a prison inmate, you don't need anyone supervising you. People just come in and do their work on their schedule. Imagine that, people like us allowed to sell paper. Unsupervised. And yet, somehow it works. It must be because the stakes are so high.

Jim: Dwight has been acting manager for three months now. No. A week. Just feels like three months. Let's see, we all have to punch in to a time clock, which is very old, very strong, and has a slot about the size of a finger. We were all given new business cards big enough to set us apart from the competition, which is how I learned that our titles are all now Junior Employee. Our lunch breaks are staggered to prevent wasting time. Mine's at 10:30, and I find that the first hour of the day goes by a lot quicker than the second seven hours.

Dwight K. Schrute: So I expect you to be on your best behavior, which means none of you will be insubordinate, nor will you foment insurrection.
Jim: Question, if we already fomented insurrection, may we be grandfathered in?
Dwight K. Schrute: Define foment.
Jim: You define foment.

Jim: Wow, you've really embraced the whole Bond villain aesthetic.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah, Jim, Jim, Jim. The gun is a Beaumont-Adams. Jo collects them. I thought we could have some nice small talk about it. And the piranha's a rescue.
Jim: And the desk?
Dwight K. Schrute: The desk is a replica of Uday Hussein's desk. I saw a picture in Newsweek.

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, hey, hey, hey. What do you think you're doing? What's this? What's the Fist?
Jim: Oh, it's just a social club. You know, like the French Revolution, or the Black Panthers, or communism. It's just a club. Guys talking, you know.
Dwight K. Schrute: You expect me to believe that you're starting a rebellion?
Jim: Nope. Social club. God, I hate when everybody calls us a rebellion. [Darryl enters and raises his fist, Jim copies]
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, you know what? I would love to join The Fist.
Jim: And we would love to have you. But not today. Unfortunately, it's a bad day. What with Operation Overthrow and everything. But I have noted it.

Toby: I am supposed to collect eyewitness accounts. Who saw Dwight do this? [all raise their hands]
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, really?
Toby: Would you consider this a terrorist incident?
Ryan: I felt terrorized.
Dwight K. Schrute: Come on.
Toby: Oh, there's a whole 'nother terrorism booklet for that.