TV Quotes

Tom: I'll have the surf-and-turf-a-saurus, and a couple of bottles of wine. I'm gonna need a lot of wine, so keep it flowing.
Ann: I'm not gonna be drinking anything. Just wanted everybody to know that.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: I'm not a big fan of group dinners where everybody splits the bill no matter what they get. I ordered a Tyranna-Caesar salad, and that's all I'm paying for.

Ann: [aside to camera] I know what she's trying to do. She's trying to get me to break. And you know what? I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna be professional, and I'm gonna put on a happy face, and then I'm gonna go into a supply closet and snap a bunch of tongue depressors.

Ann: Now, I have to tell you, I don't actually work in the Parks Department. I'm a nurse.
Man: Seriously? That's great news. I have the weirdest thing on my arm. Can you see this?
Ann: [to camera] Every time.

Karen: Jim's nice enough. I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera, like this. What is that?

Jim: Now you stay here and have fun 'cause I'm going to go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace.
Karen: Okay. Don't mention that you and I are dating 'cause I think he might still have feelings for me.
Jim: Wallace? What the hell? Have you dated, like, every guy here? [Karen smiles at Jim] Wow. Okay. You got me.
Karen: I so got you.
Jim: So none of them?
Karen: Of course not. I mean you're, kind of, like, my first.
Jim: Really?
Karen: Oh, my God, it's so easy it's not even fun.

Karen: When I heard Jim and Pam had kissed, my reaction was to have lots of long talks with Jim about our feelings. Roy just attacked him. I'm not sure which one Jim hated more.