715. The Search
Aired February 3, 2011
After Jim leaves Michael at a gas station, Dwight, Erin and Holly go out searching for him. Holly's ability to get inside Michael's mind freaks everyone out, no one more so than Holly.
Quote from Erin
Erin: Holly is ruining Michael's life. He thinks she is so special. And she's so not. Her personality is like a 3. Her sense of humor is a 2. Her ears are like a 7 and a 4. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect 40. It's nuts.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: Problem solved everyone. Space Orphan and Princess Nincompoop are off to rescue Michael. Unbelievable. I'm going. You drive, I got a car full of fox meat.
Quote from Holly
Dwight K. Schrute: Male. Caucasian. Forties. Black hair. Facial type: marsupial.
Erin: He answers to Michael. Michael G. Scott. Michael J. Fox. Mr. Fox. The Incredible Mr. Fox.
Attendant: Yeah, he just left.
Holly: Which way did he go?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, hey, hey. Let me answer this. Stupid question. He went back to the office, obviously, which is that way.
Holly: Oh, really? You don't think he walked by the bakery just for the smell of it?
Attendant: She's right. He went that way.
Dwight K. Schrute: Alright. Don't get a swelled head. You're no tracker. [Dwight and Erin low-five] Let's ride.
Quote from Gabe
Gabe: "Darn it Bob. I told you not to buy a Sabre brand lifeboat." [laughter]
Gabe: No, not nice. Terrible. Doesn't even include the fact that they're dogs.
Andy: Do the next one.
Gabe: "Wake up, Fred. The power cord on your Sabre printer shocked you into a coma, and you're dreaming you're a dog on a desert island."
Darryl: Dreaming he's a dog on a island.
Gabe: Uh, excuse me, excuse me. How does the speaker know what the guy in the coma is dreaming?
Phyllis: Well, if you think it's so easy, Gabe, why don't you try it?
Gabe: Umm... "You don't have to sniff my rear end anymore, Bob, I'm the only one here." Ha.
Oscar: That's tasteless, Gabe.
Gabe: More tasteless than this..."is that a palm tree or did Gabe get skinnier? Either way, let's pee on it." [laughter]
Pam: Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: How long do we have to wait?
Holly: For what?
Michael Scott: You broke up with AJ weeks ago.
Holly: Don't you have a sales call to go on?
Michael Scott: I don't understand. I really don't. I mean, we know we are going to start dating. Why not now?
Holly: We don't know that.
Michael Scott: Sure we do.
Holly: Why is it such a certainty that we are supposed to be together?
Michael Scott: Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.
Quote from Oscar
Pam: Very funny, everyone. Who wrote captions under my doodle? I'm not even kidding. They're pretty good.
Oscar: Which one in particular?
Andy: Yeah, which one?
Pam: Well the first one has a surprise factor. "I'm a suck suck-suckity Sabre!"
Andy: Boo-yeah! [office laughs]
Gabe: No, no. No, no, no.
Pam: But, ah, I suppose the second one is the better written line.
Oscar: You suppose?
Darryl: What's it say?
Oscar: "I'm supposed to be wearing red gloves but my color cartridge portal got jammed again."
Quote from Darryl
Pam: You guys, if I knew you wanted to do a caption contest, I would have drawn something more challenging.
Darryl: And I will take you all down.
Darryl: I've been reading the comics to my daughter since she was three years old. Not once I have used the real captions to Family Circus. That crazy family is hilarious to her for one reason: me.
Quote from Andy
Andy: Oh, it is on like Genghis Khan wearing Sean John in Bhutan.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: [to puppies] Hey, you guys, listen to me. Don't get hung up on just one girl because there are a whole lot of other girls out there. Look over there. See? They look cute. [at parrots] Hello! You guys are so beautiful. You're so colorful. I wish I could understand you. That's a metaphor I guess. [at snake] You are disgusting. You'll never find love. Yuck. [holding puppy] Do you think she needs more time or is it never going to happen? [puppy licks his nose] I'm being serious. Seriously.
Quote from Gabe
Darryl: Gabe, tell us your stupid rules so we can start the game.
Gabe: Number one, and this should be obvious, no captions that insult the company we work for.
Oscar: Irony is such a critical...
Gabe: Number two, no pop culture references.
Gabe: I think we can all agree that they tend to alienate those who don't get the reference, making them feel like the other.
Darryl: Wrap it up, Gabe.
Gabe: Okay, final thing, and this is a fun one: Instead of writing the caption directly under the picture, let's all try using Sticky Quips. All right? New, from Dunder Mifflin Sabre.
[aside to camera:]
Gabe: Sticky Quips are fun. They are safe. They are handy. I like to use Sticky Quips as regular Post-It notes when I am in a fun mood. [laughs] Not every day.