Michael Scott: A boss' salary isn't just about money. It is about perks. It- For example, every year I get a $100 gas card. Can't put a price tag on that.

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Dwight K. Schrute: No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.

Michael Scott: Okay, I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise because I need to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you.
Jim: Where'd you get that?
Michael Scott: Wikipedia.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.

Stanley: Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way overpaid.

Toby: I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But if he did intend that- Wow. Genius.

Dwight K. Schrute: Pam, please call security.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Every day for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And every day, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?

Dwight K. Schrute: What's this?
Jim: What's what?
Dwight K. Schrute: "Certificate of Bravery from the Scranton Police Department recognizing outstanding citizenship from a very brave young man, Dwight K. Schrute."
Jim: Wow. I guess word got around. That's a nice honor.
Dwight K. Schrute: Please. They hand these out to little kids. Look, there's a teddy bear in a policeman's cap.
Jim: [mumbling] Didn't think you'd notice.

Jim: It was a little glass display case for his bobblehead. That would have made us even, I think. He saves my life, I get him a box for his desk toy. Even-Steven.

Darryl: You ready for me?
Michael Scott: Yes, yeah. Absolutely. Have a seat. You know what, actually, let's go into the conference room.
Darryl: Okay.
Michael Scott: No, you know what, let's stay here. Let's go. Yeah, let's go to the conference room.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws them off.