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‘The Negotiation’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: The Negotiation

319. The Negotiation

Aired April 5, 2007

After Darryl demands a pay rise and learns how much Michael really makes, he coaches his boss to demand more money from Corporate. Meanwhile, Dwight is the hero of the office after he defends Jim from Roy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: A boss' salary isn't just about money. It is about perks. It- For example, every year I get a $100 gas card. Can't put a price tag on that.

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise because I need to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you.
Jim: Where'd you get that?
Michael Scott: Wikipedia.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way overpaid.

Quote from Toby

Toby: I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But if he did intend that- Wow. Genius.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Pam, please call security.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Every day for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And every day, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: What's this?
Jim: What's what?
Dwight K. Schrute: "Certificate of Bravery from the Scranton Police Department recognizing outstanding citizenship from a very brave young man, Dwight K. Schrute."
Jim: Wow. I guess word got around. That's a nice honor.
Dwight K. Schrute: Please. They hand these out to little kids. Look, there's a teddy bear in a policeman's cap.
Jim: [mumbling] Didn't think you'd notice.

Quote from Jim

Jim: It was a little glass display case for his bobblehead. That would have made us even, I think. He saves my life, I get him a box for his desk toy. Even-Steven.

Quote from Michael Scott

Darryl: You ready for me?
Michael Scott: Yes, yeah. Absolutely. Have a seat. You know what, actually, let's go into the conference room.
Darryl: Okay.
Michael Scott: No, you know what, let's stay here. Let's go. Yeah, let's go to the conference room.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws them off.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kevin: Who makes it?
Michael Scott: Umm. MISSterious. It is mysterious, because the buttons are on the wrong side. That's the mystery.
Phyllis: Look, it's got shoulder pads. And did you see that lining?
Michael Scott: Okay.
Phyllis: Did you see that?
Michael Scott: Would you stop it, please?
Jim: So none of that tipped you off?
Michael Scott: It's European, okay? It's a European cut.
Pam: Michael, the pants don't have any pockets.
Michael Scott: No, they don't, see? Italians don't wear pockets.

Quote from Karen

Karen: When I heard Jim and Pam had kissed, my reaction was to have lots of long talks with Jim about our feelings. Roy just attacked him. I'm not sure which one Jim hated more.

Quote from Toby

Toby: This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial.

Quote from Creed

Creed: I remember it was very late at night, like 11:00, 11:30. Big fella comes in screaming about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car, something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter-
Angela: You're useless.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want. Then I want you to slide it back across the desk to me.
Darryl: Why can't I just tell you?
Michael Scott: Because that is the way these things are done in films. Now slide it.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I graduated from anger management the same way I graduated from Cornell. On time. Now I'm back, got a second chance and I'm not going to blow it. So, look out, Dunder Mifflin. I mean "look out" in a fun way. You know, not like, "I'm going to hurt you."

Quote from Michael Scott

Jan: [on the phone] What is the situation, Toby?
Toby: Well, we fired Roy, obviously. And Jim won't press charges against Roy or the company.
Jan: Thank God.
Toby: Yeah. But now, apparently, Darryl has some issue with this-
Michael Scott: No, he has been wanting a raise for a couple of months, and he's just using this Roy thing as leverage.
Jan: Well, are you gonna take care of this?
Michael Scott: Yeppers.
Jan: What did I tell you about "yeppers"?
Michael Scott: I don't remember.
Jan: I told you not to say it. Do you remember that?
Michael Scott: Yesh.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I guess all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray, and not the nunchuks or the throwing stars.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Hey, man, I never got a chance to thank you for stopping Roy. Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: "Thank you" not necessary and thus not accepted. I saw someone breaking the law and I interceded.
Jim: Okay. Got you something.
Dwight K. Schrute: Don't want it.
Jim: You don't know what it is.
Dwight K. Schrute: Don't want it, won't open it, don't need it, won't take it. Citizens do not accept prizes for being citizens.

Quote from Angela

Kevin: Man, I cannot believe I missed the fight.
Oscar: It was crazy.
Angela: You saw it? Describe it, please.
Oscar: Well, I heard some shouting, and I look over and Roy's by reception, and you could just tell he's gonna punch somebody. Jim says something, Roy stomps over there, all of a sudden, bam, Roy goes down and Dwight's standing there like an action hero.
Angela: Oh.
Oscar: It was insane.
Angela: Well, good for Dwight.

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