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42Quotes from ‘Frame Toby’

The Office: Frame Toby

509. Frame Toby

Aired November 20, 2008

When Toby returns to the office after his trip to Costa Rica, Michael goes to extreme lengths to get rid of his nemesis. Meanwhile, Jim gets ready to surprise Pam with the house he's bought.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No.
I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come, and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. I have a son, he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Today's a big day. Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. Without telling her. But it's my parents' house, the house I grew up in. And yeah, I bought it kind of impulsively. I mean, the price was good and I was helping out my mom. It's got shag carpets. I mean, you can't blame my parents, it was the '70s. And why would you wanna buy ugly wood from trees when you can have paneling and a painting of some creepy clowns that is apparently crucial to the integrity of the building? She's gonna love it. Right?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy, and then the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. Learned a lot of lessons from that movie. This is just one of them.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I learned a while back, that if I don't text 911, people'll not return my calls. But now people always return my calls, because they think that something horrible has happened.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I thought you were gonna parcel those out through the day?
Michael Scott: Would you stop it? You haven't done anything helpful all day.
Dwight K. Schrute: There's still one thing we can do to get Toby fired.
Michael Scott: What's that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Frame him for using drugs.
Michael Scott: Frame him?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, it's illegal. But everything they do on The Shield is illegal.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: I've never framed a man before. Have you?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.

Quote from Jim

Jim: So, if you can believe it, I did it without a realtor. Saving on closing costs is good. And, uh, we can put all of the money to de-shag the carpet. Which I think will help the color situation. Yeah, I am really sorry about this.
I tried to move it, but he is really nailed in there. Worried about art theft, I guess. A lot of art thieves in this neighborhood. This is the master bedroom. But I'm actually not allowed in here, so. I'm still in the process of converting the garage. It's got great light in here. And I was thinking it could be perfect for an art studio.

Quote from Michael Scott

Ryan: You taking two?
Kelly: Yeah, but one of them is for Toby.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica?
Kelly: I'm just gonna hand it to him right now.
Michael Scott: Okay, weirdo.
Jim: Why- Why's that weird?
Michael Scott: She said she was gonna give it to him right now.
Jim: She's probably going to, cause they sit next to each other.
Michael Scott: Yeah, they used to.
Jim: Toby works here again.
Michael Scott: Oh, can you imagine?
Jim: Oh, no. You don't know.
Michael Scott: I don't know. What?
Jim: You should probably just meander back there, take a look, see if he's- See if he's back.
Michael Scott: Dare I? You know what? I'm going to. For old time's sake. [walking to the annex] Great practical joke, Jim. Got me to go to the annex. [turns around to see Toby]
Toby: Hi, Mich-
Michael Scott: No! God! No, God, please no! No! No! No!

Quote from Michael Scott

David: [on the phone] Michael, is everyone okay?
Michael Scott: I'm afraid not. Toby Flenderson of H.R. has made a sudden reappearance.
David: I don't understand. Is anyone hurt?
Michael Scott: Not on the surface, no. But I can tell people are disturbed, David.
David: Michael, you texted me "911. CALL ME!" All in caps. Do you know what 911 means?

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: So, Jim you're gonna live in the same house that you used to pee the bed in?
Jim: Yeah. I guess technically, Kev, you're right.

Quote from Andy

Jim: Would you guys do me a favor and not talk about this until I tell Pam? That'd be great.
Andy: Whoa. You haven't told the missus about the castle? You're in for a spanking, my friend. Myself and my lady no secrets.

Quote from Creed

Phyllis: Where's your place?
Jim: Oh, it's on Linden Ave., by the quarry.
Phyllis: Oh.
Creed: Cool beans, man. I live by the quarry. We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there.
Jim: Definitely, we should.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: "To whoever made the microwave mess. The microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. By not cleaning it up, you are telling whoever follows "that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, disappointed."
Andy: That is just obnoxious.
Oscar: No kidding.
Pam: Wait, what? The mess or the note?
Oscar: The note. So holier than thou.
Angela: Hmm. I liked it.

Quote from Meredith

Pam: Wait. Don't you think the person who left the mess is the obnoxious one?
Andy: No, the note is way more obnoxious than the mess.
Meredith: "Sincerely, disappointed." Get off your high horse, Richy.
Pam: Just because someone likes things clean doesn't mean they're rich.
Meredith: Nah, they're rich.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So, Costa Rica that was- Did you have fun? That must have been fun.
Toby: Well, it was amazing. Really was. Thanks for asking. Beaches were pristine.
Michael Scott: Nice peaches? Pristine beaches?
Toby: The whole thing was incredibly cathartic.
Michael Scott: Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay?
Toby: Well, it's actually kind of hard to meet people out there.
Michael Scott: I bet. For you.
Toby: Plus, it was hot.
Michael Scott: Oh. Sh- Why didn't you get an air conditioner? Should have gotten an air conditioner for yourself.
Toby: Are you all right, Michael?
Michael Scott: Yeah, I am. I am.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Okay, just summarize.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Fireable offenses include workplace violence and sexual harassment.
Michael Scott: That's it? That's it? That's it, perfect. We'll get him to hit on somebody, and then we'll catch him in the act.
Dwight K. Schrute: I love catching people in the act.
Michael Scott: Mmm.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's why I always whip open doors.
Michael Scott: Me too.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What are you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: I am the bait.
Michael Scott: For what?
Dwight K. Schrute: Men find me desirable.
Michael Scott: No, no, no.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a good day too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt.
Michael Scott: You're the bait for Toby? For one thing, he's not gay. And if somebody were to be bait, it would be Jim or Ryan. Or me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Men find me desirable.
Michael Scott: Yes. Sure they do, Dwight.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: What do you need, Michael.
Michael Scott: Okay, what I would like you to do is take this folded note, and deliver it to Toby Flenderson. I want you to just react to whatever this note elicits. Do not read it beforehand. Can you do that for me?
Pam: Sure.
Michael Scott: Good. No, no, no. Don't-
Pam: "Please hug and kiss me, no matter how hard I struggle.I'm too shy to tell you that I love you."
Michael Scott: Damn it, Pam. You gave me your word.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Hey, Pam, I just wanna let you know, I'm totally on your side with the whole microwave situation.
Pam: Thank you.
Ryan: I was just back there to make some cup of soup, the thing is still a huge mess.
Pam: I know. Can you believe it?
Ryan: It's crazy. But I guess the thing is at some point, notes or no notes, someone's gonna have to just get in there and clean it up.
Pam: I guess that's why we have a temp, huh?
Ryan: [laughs] Oh, no, trust me. I would just make it worse.
Pam: How would wiping it with a paper towel make it worse?
Ryan: I would find a way.
Pam: You've seen things clean before though, right?
Ryan: Pam, I am hopeless to that stuff.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] Yes, I repeat: a drug dealer is on the premises of Dunder Mifflin. His name is Toby Flenderson, and he recently returned from a mysterious vacation in Central America. I have risked a great deal to tell you this information. My name is Andy Bernard. Andrew Bernard, that's my name. See you soon.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Toby: Don't search my stuff. I have a reasonable right to privacy.
Police Officer: Sir.
Dwight K. Schrute: Save your whining for the jury there, Flenderson.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: That's mine.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Michael!
Michael Scott: It's mine.
Police Officer #1: Some basil. And salad dressing, I think.
Police Officer #2: Salad dressing?
Police Officer #1: Yeah, it's Caprese Salad. There's a little bit of mozzarella right there.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me? That's my salad.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You must feel pretty good about yourself right now.
Toby: I didn't put Caprese Salad in my drawer, Michael. Did you?
Michael Scott: Since when is it illegal to put Caprese Salad anywhere?
Toby: You know, but the police could have been out there, catching real criminals, instead of here, searching my stuff.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me? That's what you're worried about? You're worried about the cop's time. You think I framed you, and you're worried about the taxpayer? God! Welcome back, jerky jerk-face.

Quote from Jim

Pam: Um. Do we have to sleep in your parents' bedroom?
Jim: No. No, we'll just board that up. It'll be that weird spare room that people ask us about.
Pam: And the clown?
Jim: I can't- I really can't move him.

Quote from Michael Scott

Angela: Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue?
Kevin: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: Brownies, is it? Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No, thanks. I'll stick with my jerky.
Jim: So why did you come in here?
Dwight K. Schrute: To socialize. And inform.
Michael Scott: Ooh, brownies. I'm taking two so I can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on.
Much healthier.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Look at him. With his stupid face. Stupid tan.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. He looks great. Well-rested.
Michael Scott: He looks worse.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: [on the phone] Now, what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire week without knowing a member of your staff was there.
Michael Scott: I did not want to go back to the annex because that's where Holly worked, whom I loved.
Dwight K. Schrute: Also it's icky back there.
Michael Scott: That's true. People say it's icky.
David: Okay. I have to go.
Michael Scott: David, wait.
David: No.
Michael Scott: Is there no way we can get rid of him?
David: Not without cause, Michael.
Michael Scott: I have cause. It is because I hate him.
David: You have to get along with Toby.
Michael Scott: No. I don't.
David: Yep. - Goodbye, Michael.

Quote from Andy

Andy: So, Tunes you still gonna buy your old man's place?
Jim: Yeah, I am. Wait. How do you know? I didn't tell you that.
Andy: Uh, no. I was just walking by your desk. I saw some emails. I got peepers of an eagle.
Jim: That's really not cool.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You wanna see some real high-caliber acting? Well, Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served.
[Michael walks over to Toby in the annex]
Michael Scott: Hey, Toby. Great to have you back, man. Seriously. Just a real pleasure to see you again.
Toby: Well thanks, Michael.
Michael Scott: You're welcome. Missed you. Missed you as part of our family.
Toby: Well, that's sweet. I missed you guys, too.

Quote from Jim

Pam: When it comes down to it, it's a health issue. I should've written that.
Jim: Uh-huh. Yeah.
Pam: Why aren't you as interested in this as me?
Jim: Totally! Sorry, are we talking about the microwave still?
Pam: Are you inching away from me?
Jim: No.
Pam: Reach your arms out.
Jim: I'm always this close.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [singing[ Pamtown lady sing this song- Hello, Pam. Jim, may I have a moment with Pam, please?
Jim: [cellphone ringing] Yes, I just have to take this call anyway, so...
Michael Scott: Ooh, his mistress! No, I'm kidding. Nobody'd ever cheat on you. You are the complete package, Pam.

Quote from Ryan

Toby: I'm not gonna punch you, Michael.
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you really not gonna punch him?
Toby: No, why would I punch you?
Michael Scott: Son of a bitch.
Ryan: Shoulda hit him, man. Guy was asking for it. Once in a lifetime, man.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm not wearing a wire, so...
Vance Refrigeration Guy: Why would you even say that?

Quote from Michael Scott

Vance Refrigeration Guy: It's gonna be $500.
Michael Scott: How much?
Vance Refrigeration Guy: $500. It's a good price. It's a steal.
Michael Scott: How many pounds is that?
Vance Refrigeration Guy: It's 2 pounds. I'm losing money on this, man, just give me the money. Walk away. Walk away. Walk away.

Quote from Creed

Creed: Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey I got this, okay? Hello, officers, Dwight Schrute, former volunteer Sheriff's Deputy. Listen, I may have inside information that someone is hiding drugs in this very office.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Officers, are you sure you don't want to interrogate him?
Police Officer: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: You have laws that protect you in any kind of interrogation. Why don't you use them?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You said you were leaving, and you made liars out of all of us.
Toby: I did leave.
Michael Scott: Yes, you did. And then you came back. Which makes you the biggest liar of the history.
Toby: I don't see it that way.
Michael Scott: You wanna hear a lie?
Toby: What?
Michael Scott: I think you're great. You're my best friend.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: I can't do this.
Kelly: Can't do what?
Ryan: It's not fair to you. And it's really not fair to me.
Kelly: Wait. What are you saying? I broke up with Darryl so I could be with you.
Ryan: That was your choice. Don't put that on me. I'm just going on a little trip.
Kelly: Oh, can I come?
Ryan: It's not that kind of trip. I'm going to Thailand with friends from high school. Well, a high school. And if I don't do it now, I'll never get to go. And I'll always resent you for it. You don't want me to resent you do you?
Kelly: So you're dumping me?
Ryan: Let's be adults about this. Let's have sex one more time, and if you have any extra cash, that would be amazing.

Quote from Jim

Pam: What are we doing at your parents' house?
Jim: I have a surprise for you. All right, ready? Close your eyes. And now... Open your eyes. Ta-da!
Pam: I don't get it.
Jim: I bought it. It's ours. Let's go inside. I'll show you inside.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Look I know, I bought this without asking you. And it doesn't look great. I know that. And if you really hate it, I totally understand. It's just-
Pam: I love it.
Jim: You do?
Pam: Yeah, I love it.
Jim: Really?
Pam: I mean, you bought me a house.
Jim: Oh, my God.
Pam: You bought me a house!
Jim: Yeah, I did.


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