Bookstore employee: Well, if you read a lot, you should check out our e-readers. They're really neat.
Darryl: Whoa, I work at a paper company, those things terrify me. They could put us out of business, you know? I heard those machines hold, like, ten books at once.
Bookstore employee: Actually, it's ten thousand.
Darryl: Holy [bleep]. What? Let me see that. It's so light. Like a croissant.

Pam: Creed. I noticed you don't have a resolution on the board. What's yours?
Creed: I want to do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not make a big deal about it. But I know everybody saw it. Just one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.
Pam: How is it going?
Creed: I'm having a little trouble motivating.

Man: Next up, secretary Schrute will read the minutes from Sunday's meeting.
Dwight K. Schrute: Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. No, Jim, hey!
Jim: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: This meeting is for Knights of the Night only.
[later, to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers. We're often compared to the Guardian Angels, but we could not be more different from them. Seriously, we are nothing like the Guardian Angels. I mean, broad strokes purposes, sure. Think Guardian Angels. One of our many recent good deeds? We set out to capture the Scranton Strangler. Mission accomplished. Not by us.

Pam: Because it's not about being perfect, it's about trying. In fact, why don't we go around and confess some of the ways that we've fudged on some of our resolutions?
Kevin: Well, I said that I would eat more vegetables, and I haven't yet. But it's okay. I still have time, since last year I ate none.

Pam: Okay, well, my confession is that today I had a sip of coffee. But that's fine.
Michael Scott: Is it?
Pam: Yes! Because with all of your support, by this time next year maybe I'll be down to one glass of iced tea a week.
Michael Scott: Next year? Come- I mean, what is the point? What is the point of that? I made a resolution to floss, and I did it. 12:01, January first, bam! Blood everywhere.

Michael Scott: My resolution? I never want to make Holly cry again. Unless it's from laughing too hard. Or making love too beautifully.

Darryl: You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There's tons of cuties and it's easy to talk to them. 'Hey, what book is that? Cool, let's hang out tonight. sex already? Whoa...'
Andy: The bookstore?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's that easy?
Darryl: I'll come with you, show you how it's done.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, I'll drive.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl.

Darryl: Oh, no, no, no. Uh-uh.
Dwight K. Schrute: Come on, why not? I've never been in one before. I'm tired of being Mr. Perfect Role Model all the time.
Darryl: I'm telling you, don't do it. I've got nothing against strip clubs, but I do have something against them at noon on a Monday. The day shift at a strip club? You can't unsee that.

Michael Scott: Creed, you say you want to do a cartwheel? Nothing's stopping you. Come on, old man, do a cartwheel!
Creed: Well, I can't, I don't know how.
Michael Scott: You're just gonna somersault around for the rest of your life and you know what's going to be on your tombstone? Loser.
Creed: My tombstone's already made, thank you.

Michael Scott: I wanted to apologize. These resolutions should be about you, and I made it about me, and it was none of my beeswax.
Kevin: You were super mean.
Michael Scott: It was insensitive and I am sorry.
Kevin: It was traumatizing, Michael. I wouldn't be surprised if I never ate a vegetable again.