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30Quotes from ‘The Dundies’

The Office: The Dundies

201. The Dundies

Aired September 20, 2005

Michael hosts the annual awards party, "The Dundies", for his co-workers at Dunder Mifflin.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is a little character I like to do. It is loosely based on Karnak, one of Carson's classic characters. Here we go. The PLO, the IRA, and the hotdog stand behind the warehouse. [opening an envelope] Name three businesses that have better healthcare plans than Dunder Mifflin.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: And mine are at home in a display case above my bed.
Michael Scott: Yuck! TMI. TMI, my friends. [to camera] TMI? Too Much Information. It's just easier to say TMI. I used to say, "Don't go there," but that's lame.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And now, to someone who goes quietly about their job, but always seems to land the biggest accounts. The Busiest Beaver Award goes to Phyllis Lapin! Yeah! Way to go, Phyllis. Nice work, per usual.
Phyllis: This says, "Bushiest Beaver."
Michael Scott: What? I told them "Busiest." Idiots.
Phyllis: It's fine.
Michael Scott: Well, we can fix it. We'll fix it up. You don't have to display that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I mean, come on, Jan. What, it's a- You're dropping an A-bomb on me here.
Jan: [on the phone] Really? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you?
Michael Scott: Well, yeah! I mean what is- What-
Jan: No, you can't. You already had a party on May 5th for no reason.
Michael Scott: No reason? It was the 05-05-05 party. It happens once every billion years.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee awards night here at Dunder Mifflin. And this is everybody's favorite day. Everybody looks forward to it, because, you know, a lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin. I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts? Plus, bonus, it's really, really funny. So- I You know, an employee will go home and he'll tell his neighbor, "Hey, did you get an award?" And the neighbor will say, "No, man. I mean, I slave all day. Nobody notices me." The next thing you know, the employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor's house. The neighbor's hanged himself due to lack of recognition.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jan: [on the phone] And a tsunami relief fundraiser which somehow lost a lot of money.
Michael Scott: Okay, no, that was a FUN raiser. I think I made that very clear in the fliers, fun, F-U-N.
Jan: Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami FUN raiser, Michael. I mean, that doesn't even make sense.
Michael Scott: Well, I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me, everyone. Can I have your attention, please? I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall.
Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies' room for a reason, and if you cannot behave like ladies, well, then you are not going to have a bathroom.
Pam: You're taking away our bathroom?
Dwight K. Schrute: We are going to have two men's rooms.
Phyllis: But where would we go?
Dwight K. Schrute: Be prepared to hold it, folks. From 9:00 a.m-

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Welcome to the Eighth Annual Dundies Awards. Before we get started, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short. I have wrap-it-up music and I am not afraid to use it, Devon.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: The Spicy Curry Award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor! Get on up here! There you go.
Kelly: "Spicy Curry." What's that mean?
Michael Scott: Not everything means something. It's just a joke.
Kelly: Yeah, but why'd you give it to me?
Michael Scott: I don't know. I just-
Kelly: This is a bowler.
Michael Scott: I know. It's- They didn't have any more businessmen.
Kelly: Yeah, but everyone else-
Michael Scott: Just sit down, Kelly.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It's so freaking hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia. Man!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This last Dundie is for Kevin. This is the "Don't Go In There After Me" Award. It's for the time that I went to the bathroom after him and it was really, really smelly.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Well, last year I got Great Work, so I don't know what to think about this award. But at least I didn't get Smelliest Bowel Movement like Kevin.

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesly. I think we all know what award Pam is gonna be getting this year. It is the Whitest Sneakers Award, because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on. Get on down here! Pam Beesley, ladies and gentlemen! Oh, here we go.
Pam: I have so many people to thank for this award. Okay, first off, my Keds, because I couldn't have done it without them. Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for emceeing tonight, because this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight, too. So, finally, I want to thank God, because God gave me this Dundie and I feel God in this Chili's tonight. Whoo!

Quote from Jim

Jim: What a great year for the Dundies. We got to see Ping and we learned Michael's true feelings for Ryan, which was touching. And we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs, which, for me, has ruined them for life.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: This woman is having a seizure. Grab her tongue! Grab her tongue! It's okay, I'm a Sheriff's Deputy.
Jim: Well, he's a volunteer.
Dwight K. Schrute: Don't get into that now. We need something to cushion her head. Throw pillow, a cushion... Okay, I'm gonna use my shirt.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Was this year's Dundies a success? Well, let me see. I made Pam laugh so hard that she fell out of her chair and she almost broke her neck. So I killed, almost.

Quote from Pam

Pam: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you wanna look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey! It's Fat Halpert.
Jim: What?
Michael Scott: Fat Halpert. Jim Halpert. So, why don't I take you on a tour of past Dundie winners? We got Fat Jim Halpert here. Jim, why don't you show off your Dundies to the camera?
Jim: Oh, I can't, because I keep them hidden. I don't wanna look at them and get cocky.
Michael Scott: Oh, that's a good idea.

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: And here we have Stanley the Manly. Now, Stanley is a Dundie All-Star. Aren't you, Stan? Why don't you show them some of your bling?
Stanley: I don't know where they are. I think I threw them out.
Michael Scott: No, you didn't.
Stanley: I think I did.
Michael Scott: Why did-
Stanley: Say, we gotta order some more appeteasers this time. We ran out last year, remember?

Quote from Pam

Pam: Michael has taped every Dundies Awards, and now he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights.
Michael Scott: [on tape] Hit it, Dwight. (flute plays) A little bit of Pam all night long A little bit of Angela on the thing A little bit of Meredith everywhere
Pam: This is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on tape] The Dundie Award for Longest Engagement goes to Pam Beesly. Pam, everybody! When is that girl gonna get married? That's what I have to say. Ah, Roy's accepting. Thank you, Roy. Are there any words you'd like to say on Pam's behalf?
Roy: Uh, we'll see you next year.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [singing] "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it. You never had to work so hard and feel that no one notices you. You're just a name and number and no one even says hello."

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party. And you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there, but the kid's having a really good time, so you... You're kind of there. That's- That's kind of what it's like.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, all right. Joke landed. So, we are here. Thank you all for coming to the 2005 Dundie Awards. I am your host, Michael Scott, and I just wanna tell you, please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: You said we could bring our families.
Michael Scott: I did, and why didn't you, Stanley?
Stanley: I did. My wife's name is Teri.
Michael Scott: Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Teri.
Stanley: It's this person whose hand I'm holding, Michael.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Speaking of relationships, of all ways, shapes, and forms, I was out on a very, very hot date last night with a girl from HR, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? We don't have any girls from HR.
Michael Scott: No, that- For the sake of this story. And things were getting hot and heavy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah?
Michael Scott: And I was about to take her bra off, when she had me fill out six hours' worth of paperwork.
Dwight K. Schrute: Like an AIDS test?
Michael Scott: No. God.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This next award goes to somebody who really lights up the office. Somebody who I think a lot of us cannot keep from checking out. The Hottest in the Office Award goes to Ryan, the temp! Yeah! You sexy thing Sexy thing, you. Here you go. Hanging and a humming and a huh... Come from baby? There you go. There you go. Whoo.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: What am I gonna do with the award? Nothing. I don't know what I'm gonna do. That's the least of my concerns right now.

Quote from Angela

Michael Scott: And the Tight Ass Award goes to Angela. Not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has a great caboose. So, come on down.
Angela: No.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall.
Jim: No, you don't.


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