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‘Classy Christmas’ Quotes

The Office: Classy Christmas

711. Classy Christmas

Aired December 9, 2010

Michael scraps the planned Christmas party in favor of a Classy Christmas when he learns that Holly Flax is returning to Scranton. Michael's hopes are dashed when Holly arrives in and is still seeing someone. Meanwhile, Jim lives to regret throwing the first snowball at Dwight.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: So do they bring in food, or do you get to go out?
Toby: No, they bring it in.
Stanley: You lucky son of a bitch.
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch is paid for... That is the life.

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Quote from Kelly

Holly: Okay, listen, I'm gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose by the end of this year, we're over.
Pam: Wow, an ultimatum.
Holly: Yeah.
Pam: It doesn't really seem like you.
Kelly: That is a great idea. Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.

Quote from Holly

Holly: [as Clint Eastwood] Well, well, well, if it isn't Michael Scott. You old bastard.
Michael Scott: [imitating her] Well, I never thought I'd see your face around these parts, you old bastard.
Holly: Well I did show my face around these parts, you old bastard.
Michael Scott: [as Curly] Why, you're some sorta wise guy, huh?
Holly: [as Curly] I most certainly am.
Michael Scott: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
Holly: Ungh!
Michael Scott: [as Homer] D'oh!
Holly: [as Marge] Oh, Homey.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: I feel good today. My little girl, Jada, it's my turn to have her for Christmas this year. Two years ago, I had her and we had the best time. I Tivo'd her favorite shows, some things I've never heard of. iCarly... You know who's funny on that show? The friend with the video camera. He's got a nice way of talking.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I have no feeling in my fingers or penis. But I think it was worth it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when your gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Man, I worked hard. I worked so hard for this! I was after corporate constantly. I emailed Jo. I wrote letters. And, know who I end up owing this to is the Scranton strangler. Thank you. Thank you, Scranton strangler. I love you! You just took one more person's breath away.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Oh, and you have a Woody. Bah! [the both chuckle] Oh, I love toy...
Holly: AJ gave me that.
Michael Scott: Well, that's understandable. Still raw. Woody your favorite character?
Holly: Mm-hmm.
Michael Scott: You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy's mom.
Holly: Why?
Michael Scott: Because without Andy's mom, there's no plot. And without any plot, there is no movie.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey there, Jada. Nice to see you again. I'm Santa Claus. Welcome.
Darryl: Are you serious?
Michael Scott: It's a sophisticated take.
Jada: He doesn't look like Santa Claus.
Darryl: No, he doesn't. [to Michael] I told her Santa would be here.
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, I was told that Holly would be here, single and ready to date. And we all got misled.
Pam: Who told you that?
Michael Scott: Nora Ephron, in every romantic comedy ever made.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I've been working forever on Jim's present. He always gives me the best Christmas gifts. He'll take a memory or a private joke, and he'll create something totally unique. I love them. So this year I made him something. A comic book. It stars Jimmy Halpert, a mild-mannered paper salesman who, while riding his bike through the forest, is bitten by a radioactive bear, becomes 'bear man'. Wreaks havoc on the office. It's really good.

Quote from Toby

Toby: I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But, they talk to me for a while, and maybe people realize I have something to say. And then one day, we're just talking.

Quote from Meredith

Angela: I don't know if you guys have had a chance to use the new parking meters that accept credit cards, but Robert was instrumental in that legislation.
Kevin: Wow, that's awesome!
Oscar: A real David and Goliath story.
Robert: I'm just so touched that she's so interested in my work.
Angela: I am.
Meredith: The real problem is the teachers' union.
Angela: Zip it, Meredith.
Meredith: No. You tell me why my kid is 17 and still can't read.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I'm the office administrator now, which means I'm basically being paid to be head of the party planning committee. The first thing I did as head, I shut it down. At its worst, it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best, it planned parties.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [as Santa] Oh, ho, ho, ho! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, little children!
All: Merry Christmas.
Michael Scott: How's everybody doing today?
Erin: Good.
Michael Scott: How's the party coming along?
Pam: Great.
Michael Scott: Are we over budget?
Pam: Nope.
Michael Scott: No? Good. Did anyone get drunk already?
Meredith: Not yet!
Michael Scott: Good for you. Angela, lay it on me. What's the problem?
Angela: Nothing. Should be fun.
Michael Scott: So, Stanley, how big is the bug up your butt today?
Stanley: [upbeat] Pam got those sugar-free cookies I like. I'm doing fine.
Michael Scott: Alright. Well, I will be in my office making toys for the good children. Andy?
Andy: Yeah?
Michael Scott: Whatcha got?
Andy: All good, Santa.
Michael Scott: Well, that's a relief. Santa's gonna take some much-needed free time. Alright. Good!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: My kids are growing up. As a boss, I look at that and say great. It is exactly what a boss would hope would happen because that's what I want. That's what every boss wants is a, is a wonderful Christmas with no drama.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: It's present time, you guys. Happy Holidays from your friends at Sabre.
Gabe: We just want to say how grateful we are.
[aside to camera:]
Kelly: Sabre is actively looking for ways to involve me as minority executive trainee. So I suggested choosing the annual Christmas gift to the employees. And they said, "Oh, yes. Perfect. Thank you, Kelly. Finally, something for you to do."

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: [to camera] Yes, Erin and I are still dating. Why do you ask me so often if we're still dating?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Hey, it's snowing.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, my God! It's the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate, and cuddle up with Papa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams, hmm? It's not even a real snow. Look, it's a dusting. Pitiful.

Quote from Michael Scott

Toby: Uh, I just wanted to let you know that, uh, I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
Michael Scott: Uh, because you've been on the lam? Because the 'boring police' have been after you, and they finally caught up with you?
Toby: Uh, no, the opposite. I was actually selected to be a juror on a very high-profile case.
Michael Scott: Yes, the case of the horrible red-headed sad sack. And the verdict, it was Toby. And the sentence, death. Death to Toby!
Dwight K. Schrute: Death to Toby!
Toby: Okay, that's hurtful talk. We've talked about that. You know, I don't interrupt your announcements.
Michael Scott: You know what you- You- You leave these huge pauses in your sentences. What do you expect me to do?

Quote from Toby

Phyllis: What's the case, Toby?
Toby: Well, I really can't talk about it, but it's a very high profile case.
Andy: Is it criminal?
Toby: Yes.
Andy: Have we heard of it?
Toby: I don't know.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a sex slave?
Toby: Come on.
Meredith: Was it the post office guy who rubbed his penis all over the mail?
Toby: Guys, it's a really big deal.
Ryan: He's rubbing his neck. He's rubbing his neck!
Kelly: He's rubbing his neck.
Ryan: He's rubbing his neck.
Andy: Oh, Scranton Strangler!
Toby: I can neither confirm nor deny this. Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.

Quote from Creed

Creed: [about Holly Flax] She's one sassy black lady.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: What does the strangler look like? Is he gorgeous? He looks gorgeous in the drawings.
Kevin: Yeah.
Meredith: That scowl.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Um, I was laying on the ground, defenseless, and uh, he just kept throwing 'em until he exhausted himself. And, uh, [cell phone chimes] then... [reading text message] "How 'bout icing it? LOL. Dwight."

Quote from Ryan

Pam: So, cool right?
Ryan: There's no connection between the origin story and the quest.
Pam: Okay.
Ryan: We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise, it's the bear's quest.
Pam: Okay, well, I just sorta meant, like, cute, right?
Ryan: Well, did you come here for help, or did you come here for me to tell you how great it is?
Pam: I mean, help, if it's something simple, like add page numbers or laminate it or...
Ryan: Well, it sounds like you know what you want. [as Pam walks away] It's also a little derivative of a serial called 'Bear Man'. Did you look that up?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All this arguing reminds me of a very funny story. You see this on my desk? [he holds up a toy taxi cab] Know who gave me this? My girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York City.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, what girlfriend?
Michael Scott: I haven't told you about her.
Dwight K. Schrute: I find that unlikely. You email me when you get a new zit.
Michael Scott: I'm a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that's pretty interesting. But you know what? I am not on trial here. The Scranton strangler is. So, anyway, we have this great weekend, and she drives me to the airport, and we get to JFK, but I am flying out of LaGuardia. So we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around slo-mo, drinking latte. And at the end of the day, she gives me this, and she says, "Michael, maybe next time, you should take a cab."
Holly: I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
Michael Scott: I do. She is.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Did you see her face? Well it seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex that still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain't Tara.

Quote from Kevin

Holly: You guys, it wasn't my fault.
Kevin: Oh, nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: [finds a present on his desk] "Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately. Love, Swiss Cheese." [opens the box and a snowball is catapulted at his face] Damn it, Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all.

Quote from Oscar

Angela: Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend, Senator Robert Lipton.
Robert: Hi.
Oscar: Senator, it's an honor. I'm Angela's friend Oscar.
Robert: Oscar. A pleasure.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: Robert seems great. He's very handsome, firm handshake, he's gay, good sense of humor.

Quote from Creed

Darryl: What do you want, baby? We got some granola, got some cupcakes, chips, apples, pies...
Jada: You have a whole room of vending machines?
Creed: [chuckles] I know. Isn't it something?

Quote from Jim

Pam: Oh, um, it's just, I didn't, I didn't have a lot of time, so that's just a place holder.
Jim: Right. Of course. "The Adventures of Jimmy Halpert." Oh, my God. This is awesome! That's my bike. That's my desk. And that is my daughter.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I mean... [speechless]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Don't run. You're going to slip.
Pam: That's good advice.
Michael Scott: I read this story about a woman who slipped on some black ice, and she hit her head and went into a coma forever. And then every day, her husband went and visited her in the hospital until she died.
Pam: That's a sad story.
Michael Scott: [voice breaking] Yeah, well, at least he was married.

Quote from Kelly

Michael Scott: I was in the mall, and I saw that, and I thought it had your name written all over it.
Kelly: Michael, this is the gift that corporate gave us that I picked out. You're re-gifting this to me.
Michael Scott: No, that's not- No, I went to the mall and I picked that out especially for you.
Kelly: Oh, yeah? Well, show me the receipt.
Michael Scott: [hands Kelly a receipt from his wallet] From the mall. That...
Kelly: This is a fast food receipt from April.
Michael Scott: Well, that...
Kelly: God, how many number nines did you order?


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