Stanley: So do they bring in food, or do you get to go out?
Toby: No, they bring it in.
Stanley: You lucky son of a bitch.
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch is paid for... That is the life.

Dwight K. Schrute: In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.

Holly: Okay, listen, I'm gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose by the end of this year, we're over.
Pam: Wow, an ultimatum.
Holly: Yeah.
Pam: It doesn't really seem like you.
Kelly: That is a great idea. Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.

Holly: [as Clint Eastwood] Well, well, well, if it isn't Michael Scott. You old bastard.
Michael Scott: [imitating her] Well, I never thought I'd see your face around these parts, you old bastard.
Holly: Well I did show my face around these parts, you old bastard.
Michael Scott: [as Curly] Why, you're some sorta wise guy, huh?
Holly: [as Curly] I most certainly am.
Michael Scott: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
Holly: Ungh!
Michael Scott: [as Homer] D'oh!
Holly: [as Marge] Oh, Homey.

Darryl: I feel good today. My little girl, Jada, it's my turn to have her for Christmas this year. Two years ago, I had her and we had the best time. I Tivo'd her favorite shows, some things I've never heard of. iCarly... You know who's funny on that show? The friend with the video camera. He's got a nice way of talking.

Dwight K. Schrute: I have no feeling in my fingers or penis. But I think it was worth it.

Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when your gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.

Michael Scott: Man, I worked hard. I worked so hard for this! I was after corporate constantly. I emailed Jo. I wrote letters. And, know who I end up owing this to is the Scranton Strangler. Thank you. Thank you, Scranton Strangler. I love you! You just took one more person's breath away.

Michael Scott: Oh, and you have a Woody. Bah! [the both chuckle] Oh, I love toy...
Holly: AJ gave me that.
Michael Scott: Well, that's understandable. Still raw. Woody your favorite character?
Holly: Mm-hmm.
Michael Scott: You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy's mom.
Holly: Why?
Michael Scott: Because without Andy's mom, there's no plot. And without any plot, there is no movie.

Phyllis: What's the case, Toby?
Toby: Well, I really can't talk about it, but it's a very high profile case.
Andy: Is it criminal?
Toby: Yes.
Andy: Have we heard of it?
Toby: I don't know.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a sex slave?
Toby: Come on.
Meredith: Was it the post office guy who rubbed his penis all over the mail?
Toby: Guys, it's a really big deal.
Ryan: He's rubbing his neck. He's rubbing his neck!
Kelly: He's rubbing his neck.
Ryan: He's rubbing his neck.
Andy: Oh, Scranton Strangler!
Toby: I can neither confirm nor deny this. Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.