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37Quotes from ‘Michael's Last Dundies’

The Office: Michael's Last Dundies

721. Michael's Last Dundies

Aired April 21, 2011

As Michael hosts his last ever Dundies, he brings on DeAngelo as a co-host and teaches him the ropes.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So that is how it ends. My last Dundies ever. I was hoping it'd be more like Godfather III. That rapped up the whole franchise in an extremely satisfying way. But instead it is like Godfather I! That was very confusing, had maybe three big laughs. Oh, well.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: The Dundies are my baby, and they need to go on. When Larry King died they didn't just cancel his show. They got Piers Morgan to come in, and do his show, and that way Larry lives on.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I mean, we actually all really wanna thank you, for everything.
Darryl: [starts playing the tune to Seasons of Love while Andy sits down]
Michael Scott: Oh my God, something's happening.
Andy: [singing] Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! We actually sat down, and did the math.
All: Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's how many minutes, that you've worked here.
Pam: In costumes!
Jim: And impressions!
Toby: In meetings.
Erin and Kelly: And cups of coffee.
Kevin: For birthdays!
Stanley: More meetings and-
Erin & Angela: E-mail forms you made us read.
All: Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's like watching Die Hard, eighty thousand times!
Meredith: You hit me with your car!
Ryan: You helped me get off drugs!
Creed: I watch you when you sleep.
Oscar: I forgive you for kissing me!
All: Remember to call.
Darryl: You've got to remember to call.
All: Remember to call.
Andy: Love is a gift from up above.
All: Remember to call.
Kelly and Erin: Text or call or e-mail or call.
DeAngelo: Measure... Measure your life in love!
All: Remember to call.
DeAngelo: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All: Remember to call.
DeAngelo: Yeah, yeah. You've got to remember to call.
All: Remember to call.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: [choked up] Yeah, okay. [pauses, then takes a deep breath] Well this is gonna hurt like a mother[bleep].

Quote from Jim

Jim: I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me. I just want regular fries.

Quote from Phyllis

Michael Scott: Stanley Hudson is a grump. Everybody knows that. But did you know, that Stanley Hudson is also the face of a debilitating disease known as diabetes? The Diabetes Award goes to Stanley Hudson! Come on up here, you sick bastard.
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: I have diabetes too. You don't see me making a big deal about it.

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: Congratulations!
Stanley: Have you lost your mind?! Get off my property before I call the police!

Quote from Meredith

Michael Scott: Did you know herpes affects one in five sexually active adults? Pippy Longstocking, Ronald McDonald's wife, Ron Howard, Ron Weasley. What do they all have in common? Red heads. Erin Hannon, come on up here to receive your Cutest Red Head in the Office Award!
Meredith: This is bull! [throws her Dundie]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, Toby! You suck! [throwing eggs at his house]
DeAngelo: Is this an employee of ours?
Michael Scott: [giggles] Go, go, go, go, go!

Quote from Meredith

Michael Scott: I've never seen this place in the daylight.
DeAngelo: This reminds me of Katrina.
Michael Scott: Here we go, alright got it? Are we set? Hello?
Meredith: I'm so busted! Walk of shame!
DeAngelo: Do you usually leave your door unlocked? And ajar?
Meredith: Oh, nice! I got a Dundie nomination!
Michael Scott: Yes, you did. That's right! Congratulations Meredith. Well, we should head out.
Meredith: No, no, no. You should stay. No, no, no. I have Vienna Sausages and I have napkins. Let me fix you breakfast!
DeAngelo: [whispers] I'm not going in there.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Anything can happen at the Dundies. They're like the Golden Globes but less mean. And I just want all of us to have a good time.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just a little announcement, folks. Remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair.
Michael Scott: Black tie optional.
Dwight K. Schrute: Every day is black tie optional.

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: FYI, tonight we will be hosting at Louie Volpies!
Kevin: Nice.
Phyllis: I love their bread sticks.
Pam: Oh, their bread sticks are like crack.
Ryan: I love when people say "like crack" when they've obviously never done crack.
Pam: Well, the bread sticks are like what then, Ryan? What can I use?
Ryan: I don't know. Something from your world. The breadsticks are like scrapbooking.
Pam: You're right, you're right. No, I'm a middle class fraud.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: So, as you know, the Dundies are my legacy. So I'm going to need to train a replacement. So this year, I have decided to have a co-host. And that person is... [Michael and DeAngelo drum roll] DeAngelo!
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Always the Padawan, never the Jedi.

Quote from Michael Scott

[on a pre-taped video:]
Erin: DeAngelo, Jo's on the phone for you.
DeAngelo: Hello?
Michael Scott: [Michael dressed as Jo, talking in a Southern accent] DeAngelo, we're in serious horse manure here! The Dundies are tonight! And we ain't got no host!
DeAngelo: Oh no!
Michael Scott: Luckily I have someone for you!
DeAngelo: Billy Crystal?
Michael Scott: Better.
DeAngelo: Neil Patrick Harris?
Michael Scott: He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway. No, we need Michael Scott! The best darn Dundies host both sides of the Mississippi!

Quote from Michael Scott

DeAngelo: Ugh, I gotta find Michael Scott. And then I gotta, get him to the Dundies! [to Angela] Hey, can you help me find Michael Scott Angela?
Michael Scott: [as Angela] My boyfriend can, he's a state senator.
DeAngelo: Mmhmm.
Michael Scott: Oh wait, he can't help because that title has no meaning!
Oscar: Try Jim, DeAngelo, he'll be able to help.
DeAngelo: Jim. Do you know where I can find Michael Scott?
Michael Scott: [as Jim] I totally don't know where Michael is, dude. Hey you wanna listen to some records?
DeAngelo: No one is listening to me. I'm running out of time.
Michael Scott: [as Phyllis] Well, what are you talking about? [cracking noise] Oh! Oh! [falls onto the ground] I've fallen and I can't get up!
DeAngelo: Maybe I just need to look into my heart. [in the bathroom in front of the mirror] DeAngelo, where is Michael Scott? [his reflection in the mirror turns around, revealing him to be Michael]
Michael Scott: I'm here. In a good way! I've been here the whole time.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Which moves us to, Best Mom Dundie. I guess we all kinda consider her a mom around the office, Meredith Palmer!
Meredith: [jogs up and kisses Michael] Tell ya one thing, I'm not gonna be a good mom tonight. Whoo!

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: Year after year, I catch a lot of flak on this particular award, because year after year I present this award to a guy instead of a girl. Hottest in the office goes to, [Ryan stands up] Danny Cordray! [Ryan quickly sits] Danny couldn't be here tonight...
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: How do I feel about not winning Hottest in the Office this year? Um, I'm very relieved. How do you- How do you judge something like that? What is the criteria even? It's- It's so subjective.

Quote from Toby

DeAngelo: Every day, millions of Americans suffer from extreme repulsiveness. Someone in our midst, is bringing that problem to light. Toby Flenderson, please come up here and accept the Extreme Repulsiveness Award. Oh, that's so mean!
Michael Scott: No, it's not.
Oscar: It's his last Dundies.
Jim: You gotta play along, man.
Oscar: Come on, Toby.
Michael Scott: Here he comes. Alright, you deserve it!
Toby: I really disagree with this. I think it's kind of hateful. Though I am a little happy right now to have a platform to talk about the outcome of a case that I was recently a juror on: The Scranton Strangler. A man's being put to death. I was part of the verdict, and I'm not so sure he's guilty any more.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It is six a.m. [DeAngelo yawns] and DeAngelo and I are about to go house-to-house to give everyone their Dundie Nomination Certificates. Just like the Oscars!
DeAngelo: Yes, and this happens every...?
Michael Scott: Every year! This happens, you have a lot to learn my friend.
DeAngelo: Well, you know, why don't we try it, and if it goes good it'll be part of my tradition.
Michael Scott: Why have you been saying that? You're gonna love it.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: Surprise!
DeAngelo: Congratulations!
Jim: Yep, okay...
Michael Scott: You and Pam have both been nominated for Dundie Awards!
Jim: Okay.
Michael Scott: Here we go. Have Pam come down.
Jim: No, no. She's not here.
Pam: [o.s.] What's going on?
Jim: Stay in bed!

Quote from Erin

Michael Scott: Good morning, Erin.
Erin: Oh, hey, didn't see you.
Michael Scott: You have big plans for tonight?
Erin: I don't know. Maybe volunteer at the shelter, or go to bed, or... I don't know. Maybe I'm going to the Dundies! Whoo!
Michael Scott: You are getting so funny. Very good.

Quote from Kevin

Michael Scott: Guys, I want you to help us work on some banter.
Kevin: Yes! I love banter. But I hate witty banter.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Here we go. So, DeAngelo, you and I have a lot in common. You lost two hundred pounds, and I lose my car keys every morning.
DeAngelo: That is true. We do share some similarities. I know how you can fix one of those problems, for me it was portion control. For you, you need a key chain. Maybe one with a-
Michael Scott: Okay, okay. You know what, I didn't actually lose my keys...
DeAngelo: This did not happen.
Michael Scott: Mmm-kay. There needs to be what you call a rat-a-tat. And right now it's all rat and no tat.

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: Ryan, come on up here. Tap DeAngelo out. Just watch this. Okay. Ryan, how are you today?
Ryan: Why don't you ask my therapist, my mom certainly pays her enough.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood.
DeAngelo: When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them.
Michael Scott: Too personal. I don't wanna hear about it.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I think I'm gonna go.
Pam: What?
Jim: I think you got this. Kay? [Erin nods] Alright. Feel better!
Erin: Thank you, Jim.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I'm sorry. That just wasn't interesting to me.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [as Kevin walks in] Appalling. [Meredith walks in] Eyesore. [Jim and Pam come in] Surprisingly adequate.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: DeAngelo, what are you doing? There's a live audience out there!
DeAngelo: Just go do it by yourself or get Ryan.
Michael Scott: No, Ryan would never do it. It's too on the radar.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Listen to me, you're not doing this for me, you're not doing this for you, you're not even doing this for them.
DeAngelo: Who am I doing this for?
Michael Scott: [slaps him] You're doing this for all those kids out there, eating off the Louie Volpies kid's menu, wondering: Does it get better? What I want you to do is I want you to say, "It's showtime." Get out there.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Sorry about the delay, everybody. But we were at the DMV waiting in line. [everyone laughs]
DeAngelo: Fall asleep right after sex. Huh, guys?
Jim: Nope, go back to the script.
Michael Scott: There are a lot of great salesmen in this office, but one of our great salesmen is also a great dad. And a close personal friend of mine, Jim Halpert! Best Dad Dundie!
Jim: Wow! I do not parent for an award but I gotta tell you, it feels pretty good. Uh, Cece, if you're watching this at home it's way past your bedtime. By the way how'd this get televised? Thank you.
Michael Scott: Well done.
Jim: I don't know. Maybe being a good dad is just all in your own compass. I don't know. I don't know. Thank you!
Michael : Alright. [Jim leaves the stage to applause]
Pam: You didn't think to mention me, huh?
Jim: Didn't I?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me, can I get a photo of the Best Mom and the Best Dad please?
Jim: I gotta go do this.
Pam: [annoyed] Why?
Dwight K. Schrute: Let's go. Big smiles folks. There they are.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

DeAngelo: They say he's going to be my right hand man, ad lib masturbation joke. ... No, I hate this, I hate it so much. Dwight Schrute! Please accept this promising Assistant Manager Dundie.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you, thank you so much. I would like to thank something that we, uh, take for granted in our daily lives. And that is the humble trashcan. This is for you trashcan! [throws the Dundie into the trashcan as he walks off stage]

Quote from Kevin

Manager: Who gave you those crayons?
Kevin: I brought them from home! Do you have a red?
Manager: This is a cloth tablecloth! You can't color on it!
Kevin: Oh, really?

Quote from Erin

Erin: Thank you. Thank you. This is the first award I've ever won in my entire life. People are right about the Dundies, they are magical. But I don't feel it. And I think that's because I'm not with the right person. Gabe... we should break up.
Gabe: What?
Erin: I'm not attracted to you. I just- I cringe when you talk. I have to be honest. Right- Right, Pam? Thank you for hearing me.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: Well, this is embarrassing. Um, I'm obviously really angry at Erin. It's that quarter life crisis everyone's talking about. Alright, I'm gonna go. [Dwight plays cricket noises]

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: [to Erin] Damn that was cold.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Let's grab some ice cream, go back to the office, and finish what we started.
Michael Scott: So what you're saying is you kinda like it? [as Phyllis] I've fallen and I can't get up! That Phyllis bit, that was pretty good.
Jim: I don't know that we need to dissect it all now, but-
Michael Scott: That got a big laugh.
Jim: That did. Pretty huge laugh.
Michael Scott: [to Stanley] You were laughing right?
Stanley: I was.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: You know, despite a couple hiccups, I think that went very well.
Dwight K. Schrute: I thought it was the worst Dundies I've ever been to.
Michael Scott: Man, maybe you should have won the Kind of a Bitch Award.
Dwight K. Schrute: Gladly. I'd accept that award, because a bitch is a female dog!


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