Michael Scott: [addressing Creed, Gabe and Meredith] Whether you're scared of dying or dying alone or dying drunk in a ditch, don't be. It's going to be okay.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Yeah, I was tripling up. There's not enough time in the day to have a special moment with everybody.

Michael Scott: Well, got almost everybody, so... Holly's my family now. She's my family. And the babies that I make with her will be my children. The people that you work with are just, when you get down to it, your very best friends. They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office, but I will. Got to be a lot better than a deathbed. I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that?

Kelly: I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.

Michael Scott: Okay, Oscar, you are very smart, and you have a gigantic education, and I think of you as my scarecrow, because you gave me a brain. So that's why I made you this.
Oscar: Thank you, Michael. It's beautiful.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: [laughing hysterically] It looks like- It looks like it was made by a two-year-old monkey on a farm. And he just- He just accepted it, that I- That I put all this work into it. Oh, man. He- He has the lowest opinion of me of anybody.

Michael Scott: Attention, everyone. Before I leave tomorrow, I would like to reveal a secret that I have kept for over 20 years. Secret about Phyllis.
Phyllis: Please, Michael.
Michael Scott: When Phyllis was in high school, she was so cute. And she still is.
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: I thought he knew about the baby I gave away.

Erin: Gabe!
Gabe: I need to talk to you.
Erin: You can't be in here. This is a ladies' bathroom.
Gabe: No, Erin, I respect your privacy, but I will follow you in here every time you go if that's what it takes.
Erin: Hey, Creed.
Creed: Not cool, man.

Michael Scott: I bought this [holds up World's Best Boss mug] for myself. And yesterday, they gave me this. [throws mug in trash] I still need something to drink out of, though.

Phyllis: Mmm, let's hear her out. I would, uh, like to hear more about these cakes.
Meredith: I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop.
Angela: Good God.
Meredith: They make these cakes that are wild. I mean, they show everything.
Pam: I don't- I don't think we want a-
Meredith: No, I know what you're thinking, but it's not just black. They do it all. And the women on these cakes, they're not just guys' fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing.
Pam: Okay, don't turn this into some feminist issue.
Phyllis: As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it just feels good to be represented on one.

Toby: [on video chat] Here's the thing, Rory. I think you guys would hit it off in an odd way.
Rory: I could bring him a welcome basket. I'll surprise him.
Toby: Okay, well, you should give him a little time to settle in, but...
Rory: Does he like jams? My shelves are overflowing with preserves.
Toby: Well, no, he hates jams.

Michael Scott: Darryl.
Darryl: Hey.
Michael Scott: I would like to give you the only copy of "Somehow I Manage", unfinished. If there's anybody here who can finish it, it's you.
Darryl: [chuckling] That's sweet, Mike. Let's see here. Here's a chapter called "Gum".
Michael Scott: Mmm.
Darryl: With one sentence. "Everybody likes the guy who offers them a stick of gum."
Michael Scott: Mm-hmm. It's true.