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31Quotes from ‘Valentine's Day’

The Office: Valentine's Day

216. Valentine's Day

Aired February 9, 2006

On Valentine's Day, Michael takes a trip to New York for a meeting at Corporate. Meanwhile, Pam is upset as she watches Phyllis receive an array of gifts, Dwight is surprised by Angela, and Kelly doesn't know what to do after hooking up with Ryan.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What's this? What is this?
Jim: I don't know. It's on your desk.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, but who put it here? And for what purpose?
Jim: It was there when I sat down.
Dwight K. Schrute: "Happy Valentine's Day." It's me. I'm the Bobble Head. Yes!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, here we go, on our way to New York. New York, New York. The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Here it is. The heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it. Most people, when they come to New York, they go straight to the Empire State Building. That's pretty touristy. I come here. Great places to eat. We have Bubba Gump shrimp, Red Lobster down there. You know, this is the heart of civilization, right here.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: Okay, Michael.
Michael Scott: [clears throat] What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure. But, as you know, David, and Jan, it is much more.
[Michael plays a video montage, "The Faces of Scranton", by Michael Scott set to U2's "With or Without You"]
Michael Scott: [on tape] Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And that's the way we like it. Because at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, we're not just in the paper business. We're in the people business. Let's meet some of the folks who make the Scranton branch so special. This is Stanley Hudson, one of our talented salesmen. An African-American father of two, Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmarks of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our basis on. And finally, Pam Beesly. Look at her. Look how cute. Not bad at all. As the receptionist, Pam is truly the gateway to our world. Well, I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes, or try on Phyllis' pants. Next time you're in town, give us a call. Stop on by. I'm sure you'll be greeted by a big smile, and a "How're you doing, pal?" Maybe even one of Angela's famous brownies. And you'll know that you're home.

Quote from Michael Scott

Oscar: The best present would be, you do a good job in front of the new CFO.
Michael Scott: Dude. I'm going to nail it. Me in New York? Oh, I own that city. "Fuggedaboutit!"

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: The meeting isn't till 3:00. But I always like to come to New York a little bit early, and hit some of my favorite haunts. Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm going to go get me a New York slice.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I would love to live in New York someday. It's a big dream of mine. Work at Corporate with Jan. That would be awesome. Go to Broadway shows, eat hot dogs. Scranton is great, but New York is like Scranton on acid. No, on speed. No, on steroids.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jan: I just I just don't know what to do anymore, Michael. I mean, I'm probably gonna get fired.
Michael Scott: No, you're not.
Jan: Yeah, I- Michael, the CFO thinks that we slept together. Don't you understand? People get fired for much less. And I just can't believe that you told everybody. And we didn't even sleep together.
Michael Scott: Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed. So...
Angela: Oh, God. Michael, it was months ago. It was once. It's over. Do you understand?
Michael Scott: Yes, I'm sorry. I'll fix it. I will talk to him. I'll talk to David.
Jan: Surely, you cannot be serious.
Michael Scott: I am serious. "And don't call me Shirley." Airplane!

Quote from Pam

Pam: I really like Valentine's Day in this office. It's kind of like grade school. Everybody gives out little presents and stuff. Like, last year, Jim gave me this card with Dwight's head on it. It was horrifying and funny and...

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is a business trip. I would have to be a raving lunatic to try to talk to Jan about what happened between us. Her words, not mine. She sent me an e-mail this morning. But it is Valentine's Day. It's New York. The City of Love.

Quote from Kelly

Jim: Hey, Kelly, what's up?
Kelly: Nothing. Oh! Except- Oh, my God, Jim. Last night, Ryan and I totally, finally hooked up. It was awesome.
Jim: That's great. I'm really happy for you.
Kelly: I know, and it was so funny. 'Cause we were at this bar with his friends, and I was sitting next to him the whole night, and he wasn't making a move. So in my head I was like, "Ryan, what's taking you so long?" And then he kissed me. And I didn't know what to say.
Jim: Wow.
Kelly: So I said," Ryan, what took you so long?" I mean, I just said it to him. Can you believe that?
Jim: Wow.
Kelly: Oh, my God, Jim, is that embarrassing? I'm embarrassed.
Jim: No. Don't be.
Kelly: Oh, thank God, because I was nervous, Jim.
Jim: No.
Kelly: All right. You will not believe I was so nervous.
Jim: I bet.
Kelly: But now- Now I have a boyfriend.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Everybody takes the subway in New York. It's fast. It's efficient. Gets you there on time. It's a way to- Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: This is the world-famous Rockefeller Center, founded, of course, by Theodore Rockefeller. This is the skating rink. And I think the Rangers practice there sometimes. And it's- That's Tina Fey. That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live. [clears throat] Hello. Hello. Hi. Oh, I'm I'm sorry. I thought you were- Okay. I thought that was She looked like She looked a lot like Tina Fey.
[The camera follows Conan O'Brien as he walks by.]
Hello, hello. I thought that was Tina Fey, but it wasn't. So-
[later:]
Michael Scott: Are you serious? He was here? When? When I was talking to the fake Tina Fey? Come on! Are you serious?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, um I think, that's either the Hudson or the East, so we're back- Should be back this way. There's a lot of pressure on me right now. It's like Michael Jordan in the NBA finals, or like Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf. And this presentation is Desert Storm. And as soon as it's over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore. Let's do it.

Quote from Kevin

Delivery Guy: Phyllis Lapin?
Pam: Oh, holy God.
Delivery Guy: It's from Bob.
Kevin: Man, that thing's bigger than I am.
Delivery Guy: No, it's not.
Kevin: Oh, zip it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Pam: You need to get something for your girlfriend?
Dwight K. Schrute: Girlfriend, yes. And the reason I didn't get anything for this particular person, who shall remain nameless, is that she's not really the kind of person you'd think would be into Valentine's Day. She's kind of-
Pam: Tightly wound?
Dwight K. Schrute: Exactly.

Quote from Jan

Jan: Nervous? No, I'm not nervous. Well, I mean, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. The new CFO is judging me on this, too. And, well, it is Michael, so... Yeah. I am very nervous.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. Was thinking about entering it in some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about, but...

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

Quote from Phyllis

Meredith: "Happy Valentine's Day, darling. Love, Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration."
Phyllis: Isn't he sweet?
Meredith: Oh, yeah. Wow.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, Dwight, as you know I'm heading to New York today, doing a presentation on the branch to the new CFO.
Dwight K. Schrute: And you want me to come with you.
Michael Scott: No. The opposite of that.
Dwight K. Schrute: I will stay here and run things on this end.
Michael Scott: Very good.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, Pam. You heart NY, right? You want me to pick you up anything?
Pam: That's okay.

Quote from Jim

Jim: So, I broke up with Katy and I haven't been dating anybody else. So, this year I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day. It's going to be good. I invited a couple of friends over. We're gonna play some cards and I'll end up winning a lot of money, because they're idiots. It's gonna be great.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: [anguished] I hooked up with her on February 13th.

Quote from Angela

Dwight K. Schrute: Hello, Angela, did you hear? Somebody totally rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten.
Angela: Really? I wouldn't know anything about that. But I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, I did. I did.
Angela: I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, I bet you will, before the day is over.
Angela: Really? Well, I hope I do.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Pam. Hi, how're you doing? Good. Listen, may I speak with you, privately?
Pam: You can't fire me, Dwight, just 'cause Michael's not here.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Pam, just I'm- Just. Please.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Pam: Okay. Well, sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like, what it means instead of what it is.
Dwight K. Schrute: You mean, like a ham?
Pam: No, not like a ham. It's about doing something, so that the person knows that you really care about her, that you remember her.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, I get it. That's great. Okay, shut up. I know exactly what to do.

Quote from Michael Scott

Craig: You like Jan? How can you like Jan?
Michael Scott: Maybe because she's my girlfriend. Was. Or not my girlfriend. She- We hooked up and-
Josh: You hooked up with Jan?
Michael Scott: It's just, you know, it was months ago. Just- It was just once. It was, God, just stupid. Just- Just forget it.
Josh: Yeah, let's change the subject.
Michael Scott: Yeah, yeah.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: It's frustrating, 'cause we'd be so perfect together.
Jim: You know what? Here's the deal, Kelly. It would be really nice if he was into you, right? It'd be great. But he isn't. So-
Kelly: Yeah, but it would be so great if he was.
Jim: Well, he's not, though. So you just gotta suck it up. You just gotta move on, try to have some fun. Come to my poker game tonight.
Kelly: Okay, cool. Is it okay if I invite Ryan?

Quote from Michael Scott

David: You understand this is a very serious situation.
Michael Scott: No, no, no, no, no. Yes, I- Okay, well- All right, here's the deal. This is my fault, this is totally on me. Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys. We were all chatting and I made a joke, a really dumb joke, and Craig, the idiot, took it seriously.
David: You made a joke?
Michael Scott: I did. It was stupid. And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is a tool.
David: Well, I don't need to explain to you that even a joke about sexual relations with your boss-
Michael Scott: I know. It was borderline at best. And Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world and I'm really sorry, and that will never happen again.
Jan: That's fine. Let's just- Just forget it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [pointing to the marquee for a production of Fiddler on the Roof] Oy, vey. Schmear.


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