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33Quotes from ‘Employee Transfer’

The Office: Employee Transfer

506. Employee Transfer

Aired October 30, 2008

Darryl drives Michael and Holly to New Hampshire, where she was transferred after Corporate found out about their relationship. Back in Scranton, Dwight tries to get under Andy's skin by applying to study at his alma mata, Cornell.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Andy: Let's see how well you know your big red history. Bring it. Who was Cornell's 8th president?
Dwight K. Schrute: Dale Raymond Corson.
Andy: I'm sorry, that's incorrect. Cornell's 7th president was, in fact, James A. Perkins. Comprehension skills sub-par.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm. Interviewing skills sub-par.
Andy: What are you writing? You can't even give Cornell your full attention.
Dwight K. Schrute: On the contrary, I'm helping Cornell by evaluating their interviewers.
Andy: Nobody wants that to happen.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, when they get my evaluation, we'll see if they're interested.
Andy: Applicant is attempting to blackmail interviewer, showing low moral character.
Dwight K. Schrute: Interviewer is threatening applicant with an arbitrary review process.
Andy: Applicant is wasting everyone's time with stupid and inane accusations.
Dwight K. Schrute: Interviewer has suspect motives.
Andy: Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid.
Dwight K. Schrute: Interviewer has turned off applicant's interest in Cornell, and they are going to go to the vastly superior Dartmouth. Ever heard of it? I think I have everything I need.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [whistling] Well, I thought I'd come in casual today. Man, I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?
Dwight K. Schrute: Where did you get those?
Andy: What, these? Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.
Dwight K. Schrute: I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you are going with this.
Andy: You will. As soon as you visit my new beet farm. [bites into a beet] Ah. You're supposed to cook these, aren't you?
Dwight K. Schrute: [chuckles] Cornell. [bites into a beet]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Halfway? You know what I want to do? I want to pull over and find a little bed and breakfast for when we meet in the middle. Emphasis on the bed. And the breakfast.

Quote from Kelly

Phyllis: Who are you?
Kelly: I'm Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.
Phyllis: I like your shoes.
Kelly: Thank you. Will you help walk me to the fax machine?
Phyllis: Sure.
Ryan: I got her, I got her, I can help you. You look amazing.
Kelly: Inappropriate. Thank you. Who are you, Larry King?
Ryan: Gordon Gekko.
Kelly: Oh, from the insurance commercials.
Ryan: Yeah.

Quote from Holly

Holly: It's been a weird week since we found out I had to transfer. Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton, I said "Well, why don't you quit and get some job in Nashua?" He said "I asked you first." And I said "first" at the same time he did. And then I said "jinx." And then we never talked about it again, and haven't been back to the conversation, so...

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

[Dwight arrives wearing a Cornell sweatshirt]
Dwight K. Schrute: Thought I'd go casual today. Good morning, everyone. Good morning. Hello. How are you, Phyllis?
Andy: That's funny. Take that sweatshirt off! Hey, buddy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Andy.
Andy: Remember when I jokingly yelled at you to take your sweatshirt off? Totally joking. But you should know those colors are sacred. Not that I care. But if you're not a Cornell man. You probably shouldn't wear them.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, I get it. I totally understand. And I just want to assure you that I mean no disrespect. You see, I'm applying.
Andy: Come on, you think you could get into Cornell?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, if someone who barely out-sells Phyllis can get in, I should be fine.
Phyllis: I'm sitting right here, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: I meant that as a compliment to you, Phyllis, as well as a slight to Andy.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Cornell is a good school. And I want to better myself through higher education. If it makes Andy angry, so be it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey there. So, how do you think we're gonna do against Penn this year? Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong.
Andy: Well, he's had a pretty good season so far- Stop saying "we." You did not go to Cornell. You're just doing this to screw with me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Not so. Cornell is an excellent school. Without its agricultural program, we probably wouldn't have cabbage. At least not modern cabbage.
Andy: I know it's an excellent school, Dwight. I went there. My blood runs big red.
Dwight K. Schrute: Someday we'll both get together in Comstock Hall and just laugh about all of this.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Listen to me. I like you so much.
Holly: I like you too.
Michael Scott: And I've dated almost 4 women last-
Holly: I've dated 4 guys last year too.
Michael Scott: No. In like, the last 10 years. I've dated almost 4 women. And you are so far above them it is stupid.
Holly: Michael, don't. Don't. Don't make it harder than it has to be.
Michael Scott: That's what she said.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Take that down.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me?
Andy: Take that down!
Meredith: You know, I once dated a couple of guys from Cornell. They were really nice, gave me a ride home.
Andy: I seriously doubt anyone from Cornell dated you.
Creed: It's pronounced "colonel." It's the highest rank in the military.
Andy: It's pronounced Cornell! It's the highest rank in the Ivy league.

Quote from Michael Scott

Holly: If you leave on Friday by 5:00, you'll be rolling in at midnight at best. And then sleep in Saturday. That only leaves us less than 24 hours before you have to go back again.
Michael Scott: Okay, okay. I will talk to you on the Bluetooth the entire trip. So we're talking constantly all the way. I'll tell you everything that I see. Everything that I pass by. Things that I witness on the road. Maybe I'll see an accident one weekend.

Quote from Andy

Dwight K. Schrute: Andy, I've been meaning to ask you, which a cappella group should I join? The Harmoniacs or the Do-Re-Migos?
Andy: Assuming you had the voice to be in any of them, it's irrelevant. Because I called admissions, and it looks like I will be conducting your university interview.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a conflict of interest.
Andy: Yeah. Big one. So should I not let you in now, or do you want to do the interview, and then I won't let you in?
Dwight K. Schrute: Interview.
Andy: Excellent. When the hourglass strikes 3:00, then in the room whence employees confer.
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Andy: The conference room.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay.

Quote from Pam

Pete: Yeah, but She doesn't think she's gonna be, like, a career musician, right?
Jim: Here we go again. What's your deal today?
Pete: Just saying, how many famous trumpeters can you name, besides Louis Armstrong?
Pam: Miles Davis.
Jim: One.
Pam: Chet something.
Jim: Half.
Pete: The point is that there are jobs-
Pam: Dizzy Gillespie.
Jim: Also good.

Quote from Phyllis

Kelly: Wow. You guys look amazing. Stanley, I thought you hated Halloween.
Phyllis: Ssh. He wears it so he can sleep at his desk.

Quote from Kevin

[Creed enters dressed as the Joker]
Creed: Let's put a smile on that face.
Kevin: Damn it, Creed! I've been up since 4:00!

Quote from Andy

Andy: Sweet'stume, dude. Who are you supposed to be?
Jim: [pointing to a name badge] Dave.
Andy: Cool.
Jim: You are ... [Andy hisses] ... a cat.
Andy: Ah. We were looking for kitten.

Quote from Pam

Pam: [as Charlie Chaplin] My costume's getting a lot of attention. So apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I had known that before I used grease paint for my moustache. And I can't even take off my hat because then I'm Hitler.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [as the Joker] Wanna see a magic trick? I'm gonna make a pencil disa- [elevator doors close] Disappear.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, I think we are set. We have puzzles, string for cat's cradles. Burned this last night. A little road trip CD.
Holly: Oh.
Michael Scott: Puppets. Look at all this stuff. It's only 7 hours.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: When corporate found out that we were dating, they decided they were gonna transfer Holly back to her old branch in Nashua, New Hampshire.
Holly: Michael's taking a personal day to move me up.
Michael Scott: Road trip! Right? Breaker one-nine, copy. Copy that, breaker. Those Duke boys are at it again.
Darryl: Hey! Do not touch my radio.
Holly: Kidding.
Michael Scott: We're not doing anything.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I am off to New York. My brother Pete from Boston and my brother Tom from New Jersey are taking Pam and I out for lunch to celebrate the engagement. Or maybe to beat me up. I can never tell with those two.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael, Holly and Darryl: [singing] Life is a highway I wanna ride it all night long If you're going my way I wanna drive you all night long If you're going my way

Quote from Pam

Pam: I asked Tom and Pete to come early so we could play a prank on Jim at lunch. Pretty awesome, right? I think they're into the idea. They're probably thinking, "That Pam Beesly, she's the coolest sister-in-law on the planet. She's the best. The absolute best."

Quote from Pam

Pam: Okay, so, here's what I'm thinking. I'm gonna say that before ceramics class I took off my ring. And then when I changed back out of my smock, it wasn't in my pocket anymore, and I lost it.
Pete: That's perfect. You know what'd be even more hilarious? Remember that thing we did when Jim was in high school with his girlfriend?
Tim: Right? That would be hilarious. We should totally dog her about being an artist, never making any money.
Pete: That is awesome.
Tim: Like she basically has a hobby for a job.
Pam: So, not the ring, then? Not doing the ring, then.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [singing, alone] Life's like a road where you just One thing here and the next day back Sometimes you deal with it then you don't Sometimes you do what you want It's out there- Hey. Are you crying?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: Allergies?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: Did Darryl touch you?
Darryl: What!
Holly: No, Darryl did not touch me. Can we just keep going, please?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Holly thinks that this relationship is over. Well, you know what, I am not gonna give up that easy. I'm going to make this way harder than it needs to be.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Here's my wish. I want you to meet a great guy, and I want you to be happy.
Holly: Thank you.
Michael Scott: My wish has come true, incidentally. Because you've met me and you are happy.
Darryl: Clever, Mike.

Quote from Jim

Tom: So Pam, how much money does an artist make after they leave art school?
Pete: Yeah. Not a lot of money in the arts, right?
Jim: That's not really true. There's a lot of things you can do with an art degree, actually.
Tom: Maybe Pam should pay the check by drawing a picture on this napkin.
Jim: Wow. That's a little rude. What's your deal?
Pete: Just having fun, Jimmy. Right, Pam?
Pam: Right.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: [on cellphone] Hey. What's up? I just thought I'd try you. I'm thinking about that story where you ran into the girl you used to babysit. Please call me back. Please.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm not gonna be OK.
Holly: You will.
Michael Scott: No, I won't. I'm not strong. I'll go back to Jan, and I hate Jan. Oh, God!

Quote from Pam

Pam: I don't know if I'm going to make any money with art. I mean, it's a very competitive field. But I've a professor who says that I've a lot of promise. And if I don't try now, I never will, so...
Jim: Guys, what is going on?
[Tom and Pete start laughing]
Tom: We pranked you.
Pete: It was Pam's idea. Pam was the mastermind.
Pam: Got you.
Pete: That was killer. I was so close to blowing it.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: There's another dolly in the truck, Mike. You could take more than a lamp.

Quote from Pam

Pam: For the record, I wanted to go another direction. Which was way better.
Jim: Well, I'll be the judge of that. What do you got?
Pam: Okay. I lost my engagement ring in ceramics class. Left it in my smock. I had this whole thing where I go back to class, wrongly accuse another girl. Look, I even used makeup to put a ring around my finger. You can hardly see, it's very subtle.
Jim: That is good.
Pam: Thank you.
Jim: Truthfully, anything would have been better than that prank. Text message from my brother. "Pam cool. Welcome to the family."
Pam: Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we prank Tom about being bald?


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