Andy: Let's see how well you know your big red history. Bring it. Who was Cornell's 8th president?
Dwight K. Schrute: Dale Raymond Corson.
Andy: I'm sorry, that's incorrect. Cornell's 7th president was, in fact, James A. Perkins. Comprehension skills sub-par.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm. Interviewing skills sub-par.
Andy: What are you writing? You can't even give Cornell your full attention.
Dwight K. Schrute: On the contrary, I'm helping Cornell by evaluating their interviewers.
Andy: Nobody wants that to happen.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, when they get my evaluation, we'll see if they're interested.
Andy: Applicant is attempting to blackmail interviewer, showing low moral character.
Dwight K. Schrute: Interviewer is threatening applicant with an arbitrary review process.
Andy: Applicant is wasting everyone's time with stupid and inane accusations.
Dwight K. Schrute: Interviewer has suspect motives.
Andy: Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid.
Dwight K. Schrute: Interviewer has turned off applicant's interest in Cornell, and they are going to go to the vastly superior Dartmouth. Ever heard of it? I think I have everything I need.

Andy: [whistling] Well, I thought I'd come in casual today. Man, I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?
Dwight K. Schrute: Where did you get those?
Andy: What, these? Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.
Dwight K. Schrute: I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you are going with this.
Andy: You will. As soon as you visit my new beet farm. [bites into a beet] Ah. You're supposed to cook these, aren't you?
Dwight K. Schrute: [chuckles] Cornell. [bites into a beet]

Michael Scott: Halfway? You know what I want to do? I want to pull over and find a little bed and breakfast for when we meet in the middle. Emphasis on the bed. And the breakfast.

Phyllis: Who are you?
Kelly: I'm Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.
Phyllis: I like your shoes.
Kelly: Thank you. Will you help walk me to the fax machine?
Phyllis: Sure.
Ryan: I got her, I got her, I can help you. You look amazing.
Kelly: Inappropriate. Thank you. Who are you, Larry King?
Ryan: Gordon Gekko.
Kelly: Oh, from the insurance commercials.
Ryan: Yeah.

Holly: It's been a weird week since we found out I had to transfer. Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton, I said "Well, why don't you quit and get some job in Nashua?" He said "I asked you first." And I said "first" at the same time he did. And then I said "jinx." And then we never talked about it again, and haven't been back to the conversation, so...

[Dwight arrives wearing a Cornell sweatshirt]
Dwight K. Schrute: Thought I'd go casual today. Good morning, everyone. Good morning. Hello. How are you, Phyllis?
Andy: That's funny. Take that sweatshirt off! Hey, buddy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Andy.
Andy: Remember when I jokingly yelled at you to take your sweatshirt off? Totally joking. But you should know those colors are sacred. Not that I care. But if you're not a Cornell man. You probably shouldn't wear them.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, I get it. I totally understand. And I just want to assure you that I mean no disrespect. You see, I'm applying.
Andy: Come on, you think you could get into Cornell?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, if someone who barely out-sells Phyllis can get in, I should be fine.
Phyllis: I'm sitting right here, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: I meant that as a compliment to you, Phyllis, as well as a slight to Andy.

Dwight K. Schrute: Cornell is a good school. And I want to better myself through higher education. If it makes Andy angry, so be it.

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey there. So, how do you think we're gonna do against Penn this year? Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong.
Andy: Well, he's had a pretty good season so far- Stop saying "we." You did not go to Cornell. You're just doing this to screw with me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Not so. Cornell is an excellent school. Without its agricultural program, we probably wouldn't have cabbage. At least not modern cabbage.
Andy: I know it's an excellent school, Dwight. I went there. My blood runs big red.
Dwight K. Schrute: Someday we'll both get together in Comstock Hall and just laugh about all of this.

Michael Scott: Listen to me. I like you so much.
Holly: I like you too.
Michael Scott: And I've dated almost 4 women last-
Holly: I've dated 4 guys last year too.
Michael Scott: No. In like, the last 10 years. I've dated almost 4 women. And you are so far above them it is stupid.
Holly: Michael, don't. Don't. Don't make it harder than it has to be.
Michael Scott: That's what she said.

Andy: Take that down.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me?
Andy: Take that down!
Meredith: You know, I once dated a couple of guys from Cornell. They were really nice, gave me a ride home.
Andy: I seriously doubt anyone from Cornell dated you.
Creed: It's pronounced "colonel." It's the highest rank in the military.
Andy: It's pronounced Cornell! It's the highest rank in the Ivy league.