Dwight K. Schrute: Voodoo Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the Dark Arts.
Angela: It's not my fault, I was exposed to Harry Potter.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know you did it!
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I know she didn't do it. It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore I know the killer to be Phyllis, a.k.a. Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect.

Michael Scott: [on cell phone] What? Oh my God! [everyone starts asking questions] There has been a murder. There's been a murder in Savannah.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Games have the power to distract people from stressful situations. Battleship got me through my parents' divorce. Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., my operation. I don't think I would have been able to endure my breakup with Holly had it not been for Toss Across.

Dwight K. Schrute: How can I pose this to you in a relatable way? You are all members of the Yakuza and you happen to be visiting the Lackawanna trolley museum and you are attacked by triads. How can you hold them off until your clan arrives? You cannot go wrong with a throat punch.
Jim: Okay, so there's no defense for that, good to know.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, there is a defense for that. Let me demonstrate. Someone attack me. Kevin, go!
Kevin: No way. Last time you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
Dwight K. Schrute: False. I did choke you with your shoelace. Now come at me!
Jim: Okay, with all due respect to everyone here, I think the most worthy opponent of you is you.
Dwight K. Schrute: That is correct. Unless there happened to be measles present.

Michael Scott: Well, well, well. What is this contraption, I do declare?
Oscar: It's my blackberry Michael, I am trying to get updates on the company.
Michael Scott: Who's, Michael? I'm Caleb Crawdad, I do declare.
Ryan: You don't have to keep saying "I do declare". Any time you say something it means you are declaring.
Michael Scott: That is the way Southern people talk.
Jim: And what Designing Woman are you basing that on?
Michael Scott: Delta Burke, I do declare.

Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize.

Jim: Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate. Because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change.

Jim: Today of all days?
Michael Scott: No, you shut up. They need this game, Jim. Let us have this stupid little game, all right?

Jim: I think today was a good day to have two managers. 'cause if you're a family stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, one parent might want to just keep rowing. But if the other parent wants to play a game, it's not because they're crazy. It's because they're doing it for the kids. And I get that now.
Michael Scott: [accent] There has been a lot of murder and a lot of intrigue. My little heart can barely take it no more. [normal voice] Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time.

Jim: [turning off Michael's music] We have to do something because people are losing it out there wondering what's going to happen.
Michael Scott: Okay, we need some sort of distraction for everybody. Anything new on YouTube? Doesn't even need to be good. Oh God, I can't think, need more Mullins.

[Creed pulls into the parking lot and heads to the office]
Creed: Sorry I'm late, boss. What's going on?
Michael Scott: [accent] Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect.
Creed: Okay. Hang on just a second. Let me just settle in and I'll be right back.
[Creed rushes out of the building, gets back in his car and drives away]