Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Kelly: This summer, I did the minority executive training program at Yale. You guys, I'm, like, really smart now. You don't even know. You could ask me, "Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?" And I'd be like, "blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah," giving you the exact right answer.

Michael Scott: Would have been nice to work with my family. It would have been nice if Luke had been able to stay here. But he couldn't. These things seldom work out. I don't know how Ringling Brothers do it. Night after night, town after town, all across America. You would think they'd be sick of each other by now. But, clearly, they make it work. And my hat's off to them.

Creed: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean.
Jim: You follow him on Twitter?
[aside to camera:]
Creed: Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid that's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.

Luke: Coffee Monkey's arrived.
Oscar: The coffee's supposed to be here at 9.
Luke: Here you go, Big O. Tiny. [hands Kevin his coffee] Darryl Hannah.
Darryl: It says decaf. You get me decaf?
Luke: Ooh, yeah. Must've been some sort of mix-up there. You could just drink it, or I could drive all the way back?
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: My summer, I, um, blew out my knee playing softball. Ended up watching CNN most of the time. I don't know how we're going to get out of Afghanistan. I hate the new assistant. He's only been here for a week, and I hate him.

Andy: New guy sucks. Calls me the Nard-Man. I'm the Nard-Dog, okay? Nard-man is my father.

Pam: Hey. What are you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack.
Kevin: Well, what if you're cold?
Dwight K. Schrute: Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions, okay? I'm too busy.
Jim: Hey, Dwight, I don't know if you heard, but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks instead of cups, like regular people. Oh, you did hear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, you have one job to do. And you do it forgettably. Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer, bed-and-breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list.

Darryl: What's wrong with a level playing field?
Michael Scott: Do you think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.
Jim: Oh, man, so many points being made.

Creed: I couldn't care less about nepotism. But I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front-row seat.

Michael Scott: Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me, because his mother, who also happens to be my half-sister, kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years a- 14. The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of 'Ace Ventura II' and that was '95, so yes, 15 years on the dot. Anyway, I lost him in a forest.