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Dream Team

‘Dream Team’

Season 5, Episode 22 -  Aired April 9, 2009

As Michael and Pam attempt to get the "Michael Scott Paper Company" up and running, Michael tries to assemble his dream team. Meanwhile, the employees at Dunder Mufflin pretend to like soccer to impress their temporary boss, Charles Miner.

Quote from Pam

Vikram: He seems really confident.
Pam: He can be.
Vikram: Confidence. It's the food of the wise man but the liquor of the fool.
Pam: Hmm. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better, Vikram.


Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, I'm sure that you must all have very, very busy schedules, so I appreciate you meeting with us here today. What this is is a business that I have worked toward my entire life. Hey! [snaps fingers to wake up old man] I have assembled what I believe to be the most exciting, sought-after talent in the industry today. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the dream team. From our very own Scranton, Pennsylvania, Pam Beesly. Pretty Pam is always reaching for the stars and someday, she may just surprise us all and grab one. Meet Vikram. From his humble beginnings as a - stay standing - from his humble beginnings as a prominent surgeon, he risked it all to become the most successful telemarketer in the lipophedrene industry. And do not call it a comeback. The youngest vice president in the history of Dunder Mifflin, and recent bowling alley employee, Ryan Howard is about to make a splash in paper.
Nana: So let's hear it.
Michael Scott: Okay. I have spent the last 15 years learning the ins and outs of the paper industry. With a lean, mean fighting crew and low overhead, I think I can perform the same business at a much, much higher rate of profit.
Nana: How do you expect to turn a profit in this economy?
Michael Scott: By wanting it more. By working hard-
Nana: What's your mission statement?
Michael Scott: My mission is stated as follows: I will not be beat. I will never give up. I am on a mission. That is the Michael Scott guarantee.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And I offer same day, free delivery.
Nana: Michael, I don't know about this.
Michael Scott: Nana, I really think that Papa would want you to do this.
Nana: I'm not so sure.
Michael Scott: Well, what is it exactly? I mean, what, what specifically? We don't - it doesn't have to be paper. We could sell medicine and other...
Nana: See, this is what concerns me.
Old Woman: We could just give him a chance. It's not much money.
Michael Scott: Well, this might not be the right time, but I need more than I originally asked for.
Nana: This isn't a handout club. It's an investment club!
Michael Scott: Okay.
Nana: I love you, Michael. I do.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Nana: But no. I mean it. No.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Today is my first day at my new job at Michael Scott Paper Company Incorporated. You know, Apple Computers started in a garage. And we're starting in a condo. So we already have a leg up on Apple.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I want you to listen to me. Because I want to tell you the situation that we are both in right now, 'kay? You quit your job. I quit my job. We both quit. Those are the facts. That's what happened. Now, what are our choices right now? Because you know, kiddo, you quit.
Pam: Yeah.
Michael Scott: So what are our options? Well, we can start this paper company. We can try. Or... that's it. That's our only option. Because we quit. Pam, I do my best work when people don't believe in me. I remember in high school, my math teacher told me I was gonna flunk out. And know what I did? The very next day I went out and I scored more goals than anyone else in the history of the hockey team. See what I mean? I thrive on this. I thrive on it. So I'm gonna go inside. I'm going to make some calls, I'm gonna get us an office space, and I'm going to show you why you joined this company. All right?

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: So, what do you say we get started?
Michael Scott: After breakfast.
Pam: I'm full.
Michael Scott: So how you feeling about the new company?
Pam: I feel good. [sees a huge pile of French toast] Wow.
Michael Scott: You excited? About the new company?
Pam: Yeah. I'm excited to start the company.
Michael Scott: After breakfast.
Pam: We did that. So, what's next? Michael, just stop for a second. [reaches out to take the whisk] Michael. Stop for a second.
Michael Scott: No, I'm whipping them.
Pam: No, I know you are.
Michael Scott: Just let go.
Pam: Just let me have... Oh.
Michael Scott: Let go, please. Just gimmee -
Pam: Fine! [egg batter splatters all over his robe] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Michael Scott: I can't do this! This is pathetic, isn't it? I am such an idiot. I gave up the only job I ever loved to do this? I have egg in my Crocs.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I've never been a kiss up. I- It's just not how I operate. I mean, I've always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work. Half-heartedly.

Quote from Creed

Phyllis: I never see him drink. I never see him eat.
Stanley: I don't think he even uses the bathroom.
Creed: Oh, he does. He does.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Please hold. Andy! Phone call.
Jim: No. [Andy gets up from his desk] Stay there. Kev, thought we nailed the whole transfer thing earlier.
Kevin: Yeah, I wrote it on my hand... but then I washed it.
Jim: It is transfer, extension, and then transfer again.
Kevin: Okay. Andy, get ready. Transfer. Extension. Transfer.
Jim: Here we go. [Meredith's phone rings. Jim and Andy groan.]
Kevin: Oh, man!
Andy: It is 1-3-4, Kev! [Kevin runs to the phone]
Jim: Kev, c'mon.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hustle!
Kevin: Hold it.
Andy: You are murdering the Nard-dog!
Kevin: [on the phone] This is Kevin. Please hold and I will transfer you. [Phyllis's phone rings]
Angela: You're bad at this, too!
Kevin: Just... don't answer that call!
Stanley: Just transfer the damn call.
Kevin: Your call is very important to us. Ple-[Andy's phone rings]
Andy: Hey-o! [applauding and cheering]
Dwight K. Schrute: Way to go.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: My maid died.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [doing sit-ups] I feel weak today. Felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse.

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