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‘Dream Team’ Quotes

The Office: Dream Team

522. Dream Team

Aired April 9, 2009

As Michael and Pam attempt to get the "Michael Scott Paper Company" up and running, Michael tries to assemble his dream team. Meanwhile, the employees at Dunder Mufflin pretend to like soccer to impress their temporary boss, Charles Miner.

Quote from Pam

Vikram: He seems really confident.
Pam: He can be.
Vikram: Confidence. It's the food of the wise man but the liquor of the fool.
Pam: Hmm. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better, Vikram.

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, I'm sure that you must all have very, very busy schedules, so I appreciate you meeting with us here today. What this is is a business that I have worked toward my entire life. Hey! [snaps fingers to wake up old man] I have assembled what I believe to be the most exciting, sought-after talent in the industry today. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the dream team. From our very own Scranton, Pennsylvania, Pam Beesly. Pretty Pam is always reaching for the stars and someday, she may just surprise us all and grab one. Meet Vikram. From his humble beginnings as a - stay standing - from his humble beginnings as a prominent surgeon, he risked it all to become the most successful telemarketer in the lipophedrene industry. And do not call it a comeback. The youngest vice president in the history of Dunder Mifflin, and recent bowling alley employee, Ryan Howard is about to make a splash in paper.
Nana: So let's hear it.
Michael Scott: Okay. I have spent the last 15 years learning the ins and outs of the paper industry. With a lean, mean fighting crew and low overhead, I think I can perform the same business at a much, much higher rate of profit.
Nana: How do you expect to turn a profit in this economy?
Michael Scott: By wanting it more. By working hard-
Nana: What's your mission statement?
Michael Scott: My mission is stated as follows: I will not be beat. I will never give up. I am on a mission. That is the Michael Scott guarantee.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And I offer same day, free delivery.
Nana: Michael, I don't know about this.
Michael Scott: Nana, I really think that Papa would want you to do this.
Nana: I'm not so sure.
Michael Scott: Well, what is it exactly? I mean, what, what specifically? We don't - it doesn't have to be paper. We could sell medicine and other...
Nana: See, this is what concerns me.
Old Woman: We could just give him a chance. It's not much money.
Michael Scott: Well, this might not be the right time, but I need more than I originally asked for.
Nana: This isn't a handout club. It's an investment club!
Michael Scott: Okay.
Nana: I love you, Michael. I do.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Nana: But no. I mean it. No.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Today is my first day at my new job at Michael Scott Paper Company Incorporated. You know, Apple Computers started in a garage. And we're starting in a condo. So we already have a leg up on Apple.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I want you to listen to me. Because I want to tell you the situation that we are both in right now, 'kay? You quit your job. I quit my job. We both quit. Those are the facts. That's what happened. Now, what are our choices right now? Because you know, kiddo, you quit.
Pam: Yeah.
Michael Scott: So what are our options? Well, we can start this paper company. We can try. Or... that's it. That's our only option. Because we quit. Pam, I do my best work when people don't believe in me. I remember in high school, my math teacher told me I was gonna flunk out. And know what I did? The very next day I went out and I scored more goals than anyone else in the history of the hockey team. See what I mean? I thrive on this. I thrive on it. So I'm gonna go inside. I'm going to make some calls, I'm gonna get us an office space, and I'm going to show you why you joined this company. All right?

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: So, what do you say we get started?
Michael Scott: After breakfast.
Pam: I'm full.
Michael Scott: So how you feeling about the new company?
Pam: I feel good. [sees a huge pile of French toast] Wow.
Michael Scott: You excited? About the new company?
Pam: Yeah. I'm excited to start the company.
Michael Scott: After breakfast.
Pam: We did that. So, what's next? Michael, just stop for a second. [reaches out to take the whisk] Michael. Stop for a second.
Michael Scott: No, I'm whipping them.
Pam: No, I know you are.
Michael Scott: Just let go.
Pam: Just let me have... Oh.
Michael Scott: Let go, please. Just gimmee -
Pam: Fine! [egg batter splatters all over his robe] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Michael Scott: I can't do this! This is pathetic, isn't it? I am such an idiot. I gave up the only job I ever loved to do this? I have egg in my Crocs.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I've never been a kiss up. I- It's just not how I operate. I mean, I've always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work. Half-heartedly.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Please hold. Andy! Phone call.
Jim: No. [Andy gets up from his desk] Stay there. Kev, thought we nailed the whole transfer thing earlier.
Kevin: Yeah, I wrote it on my hand... but then I washed it.
Jim: It is transfer, extension, and then transfer again.
Kevin: Okay. Andy, get ready. Transfer. Extension. Transfer.
Jim: Here we go. [Meredith's phone rings. Jim and Andy groan.]
Kevin: Oh, man!
Andy: It is 1-3-4, Kev! [Kevin runs to the phone]
Jim: Kev, c'mon.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hustle!
Kevin: Hold it.
Andy: You are murdering the Nard-dog!
Kevin: [on the phone] This is Kevin. Please hold and I will transfer you. [Phyllis's phone rings]
Angela: You're bad at this, too!
Kevin: Just... don't answer that call!
Stanley: Just transfer the damn call.
Kevin: Your call is very important to us. Ple-[Andy's phone rings]
Andy: Hey-o! [applauding and cheering]
Dwight K. Schrute: Way to go.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: My maid died.

Quote from Creed

Phyllis: I never see him drink. I never see him eat.
Stanley: I don't think he even uses the bathroom.
Creed: Oh, he does. He does.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [doing sit-ups] I feel weak today. Felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: I think you should get dressed.
Michael Scott: I'm not getting dressed. I'm not getting dressed. I have too many things to do before I get dressed. I need to find a hundred clients.
Pam: Michael, that seems impossible.
Michael Scott: It's totally impossible!
Pam: We need to come up with one realistic thing that we could do today.
Michael Scott: Assemble a sales team. A dream team.
Pam: Great.
Michael Scott: Okay, Ryan.
Pam: No. What? Why?
Michael Scott: He's everything I'm not and everything I am. He's the whole package.

Quote from Andy

Charles: You a soccer fan?
Andy: Oh. Oh, yeah. I'm so embarrassed. You weren't supposed to see this. This is like my secret obsession.
Charles: Well, that makes two of us.
Andy: No way!
Charles: Yeah.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I hate soccer. But guess who doesn't hate soccer? Charles Miner.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Whoa! And he just goes, "Boom". [kicking motion] Score!
Charles: Yep. Yep. That's Pele.
Andy: You know your soccer, man.
Charles: I know. Yes, I do.
Stanley: I prefer [looks down at palms] Maradona. Uhhh... Diego Maradona.
Charles: Oh, yeah?
Stanley: From Argentina.
Charles: I didn't know we had so many, uh, soccer fans in the office.
Andy: I mean, to be fair, I was the first one to talk about it, but...

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Charles: What about you, Jim? You a fan of the game?
Jim: Oh, no. Nope. Not really.
Charles: Well, it's not for everybody I suppose. [Andy laughs]
Jim: That's 'cause I'm more of a player.
Charles: Yeah?
Jim: You bet.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really, Jim? I had no idea you played soccer. 'cause you never, ever talk about it.
Jim: Well, I do.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wow.
Jim: I play.
Dwight K. Schrute: You can be so modest sometimes.
Jim: Well, maybe you should get back to work.
Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe you and Charles should kick the soccer ball around.
Jim: Maybe we will someday.
Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe you will tonight after work. What do you say?
Charles: That's a great idea, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Great ideas are just part of what I bring to the table.
Jim: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't try and be anything that I'm not.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey. I would like a pair of size nine, please. It's Michael.
Ryan: I'm swamped, Michael. [over the PA] Happy birthday to Sally in lane 27.
Michael Scott: Okay, imagine a company that has no memory of your past misconduct because they have no files.

Quote from Pam

Vikram: He's taking a long time. Is it possible he's bowling? I mean, you know him better than I do.
Pam: Yes. Yes, it's possible.

Quote from Ryan

Pam: When did you add this to the list?
Michael Scott: Pam, everyone deserves a second second chance. Ryan, just out of curiosity, how much do you get paid here?
Ryan: Sixty thousand dollars a year.
Pam: You get paid by the year at the bowling alley?
Ryan: What do you make, secretary?

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Do you guys want to hear about Thailand?
Michael Scott: Oh, yeah.
Pam: Sure.
Ryan: It was indescribable.
Michael Scott: Sounds awesome.
Pam: Beat.

Quote from Kevin

Charles: Come on, Oscar. What positions do people play?
Dwight K. Schrute: Wing.
Kevin: Leg.

Quote from Jim

Jim: My strategy is to touch the ball as little as possible. Chalk it up to teamwork.

Quote from Michael Scott

Vikram: I thought Nana raised some good questions. What kind of a name is Nana?
Pam: It means grandmother.
Vikram: Oh, sweet Jesus. Look, I'm sorry to do this, but can you drop me back at the telemarketing building?
[later:]
Vikram: You know, Michael? You want to succeed? You got to apply the same- [Michael slams car door]

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: Yeah, I know. Two not-so-great things in a row. Ehhhh, well. Stuff happens, right? At least we got Ryan. The Rye-guy. We should call him Rye bread. We don't have to call him that. Unless you like it. We could call him that.
Pam: I can't do this.
Michael Scott: What's that?
Pam: I can't do this. I had a real job. I sat ten feet away from my fiance. I had health benefits. I was just feeling impulsive. I should have gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle.
Michael Scott: Bleugh.
Pam: I just keep getting bored. And I let things build up and build up and then I - I, I do something too big, like this. Who does this?

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: Well, you know what? My mom always used to say that average people are the most special people in the world. And that's why God made so many.
Pam: We don't have any money. We don't have an office. We don't have anything.
Michael Scott: Well, we should make a list. Lists are good. Lists are good. Lists are good. First on the list, let's get you out of the car. All right. [Pam tosses list out car window] Okay...
Pam: How come out of everyone in the office, I'm the only one that went with you? Is it because I'm that stupid? I mean, your own grandmother doesn't even believe in you!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] You gotta have some extra space. Billy, work with me here. There's gotta be some sort of secret office that you have... lurkin' around... some awesome, free, keep it off the books... Oh, no. Not there. That would be humiliating.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: I did what I had to do. I stepped in. I took charge. That's what being a man is. And earlier today, I was freaking out. Pam stepped up. She was the man. Don't think a woman can be a man? Well, then that's your stereotype, not mine.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know what they say, keep your friends close. [points to office park sign where "Dunder Mifflin" is listed just above "Michael Scott Pap"]

Quote from Michael Scott

Charles: Michael, you're back.
Michael Scott: Yes, I am, Charles. Except this time, you have no legal right to kick me out, because I have started my very own paper company right here in the building. If I were you, Charles Miner, I would watch your step. Because the Michael Scott Paper Company is about to open a big ol' can of whoopass on Dunder Mifflin. Actually a six pack. We're gonna open a six pack of whoopass. He looks scared.


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