TV Quotes

Michael Scott: Why are you here?
Dwight K. Schrute: When Darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection.
Michael Scott: Not. I said, not that.
Darryl: We just have a lot of stuff down there that could be stolen.
Michael Scott: That's ironic.
Darryl: What?
Michael Scott: That you are afraid.
Darryl: Why? 'Cause I'm from the hood?
Michael Scott: Dinkin flicka.
Darryl: Dinkin flicka.

Darryl: I taught Mike some phrases to help with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin flicka." You know, things us Negroes say. Oh, yeah, I taught him a handshake, too.

Pam: [on the phone] Michael, Carole Stills for you.
Michael Scott: Who?
Pam: Carole Stills.
Michael Scott: Do I know a Carole Stills?
Pam: Your realtor.
Michael Scott: Oh, yeah, put her through. Hey, Carole, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good?
Pam: It's still me.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Sometimes I don't put Michael through until he's already said something. I look at it as a practice run for him. He usually does better on the second attempt.

Pam: [on the phone] About 10 minutes ago. No, I didn't know what to say. Yes, I know. I don't know, Mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am. [Jim walks in] Um, I have to go. I will. Listen, Jim...
[Jim kisses Pam. As he does so, she moves closer and holds her hands around his face.]

Jim: Excuse me. How long is the wait for a table for two?
Dwight K. Schrute: I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years.
Pam: It's a nice tux.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom.

Michael Scott: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We're gonna-
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's... You know, there's gambling and alcohol, and it's in our dangerous warehouse and it's a school night. And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know, is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael Scott: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

Kevin: We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often. We are all really hoping that Pam's wedding works out. This could be a turning point for the band.

Creed: Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. You should see how many supplies I've taken from this place. Honestly, I love stealing things.

Jim: Hey, how's it going?
Pam: Good, especially after I took all your money in poker.
Jim: Yeah. Hey, can I talk to you about something?
Pam: About when you want to give me more of your money?
Jim: No, I-
Pam: Did you wanna do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kind of good tonight.
Jim: I was just- I'm in love with you.
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just-
Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam: Well, I, um- I- I can't.
Jim: Yeah.

Pam: You have no idea-
Jim: Don't do that.
Pam: what your friendship means to me.
Jim: Come on. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be more than that.
Pam: I can't. I'm really sorry if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault.
Jim: Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.

Michael Scott: I try not to think of it as lagging behind. It's more of a David-and-Goliath thing.
Jan: [on the phone] Yeah, but Well, the fact of the matter is that your branch is currently number four of the five branches that I oversee.
Michael Scott: Top 80%!
Jan: Michael? Yeah? You know that I'm very serious here.
Michael Scott: Jan, listen, I promise that I will kick it up a notch. Bam!
Jan: What?
Michael Scott: Emeril. Oh, actually, while I have you, not that I have you or have ever had you, but we're having our Casino Night tonight and I think everyone would love to see their fearless leader here.
Jan: I thought that you were their fearless leader.
Michael Scott: I am, but you are the Eva Peron to my Cesar Chavez.

Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim: Oh, I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan.
Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Pam: Afghani.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: That's a dog.
Pam: No, that's Afghan.
Michael Scott: That's a shawl.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael Scott: No. Humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim: Guys, the Afghanistananies.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.

Michael Scott: What are you?... That's insane.
Toby: I have good cards.
Michael Scott: Well, Toby, I went all-in on the first hand, so doesn't that tell you that I might have good cards, too? So, don't be stupid. Just take it back.
Croupier: No, I'm sorry. He can't, sir. He's gone all-in.
Michael Scott: Okay, all right, whatever.
Croupier: Flip them.
Michael Scott: You really su... Screwed that up.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: I don't really play cards, but I'm not gonna lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael.

Angela: We are giving money that has been gambled. Why don't we just deal drugs or prostitute ourselves, and donate that money to charity?

Bob Vance: Excuse me. Big moment. The evening's chip leader and winner of this beautiful mini-refrigerator courtesy of Vance Refrigeration, Creed Bratton, Dunder Mifflin.
Creed: Thanks. I never owned a refrigerator.