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‘Customer Loyalty’ Quotes

The Office: Customer Loyalty

912. Customer Loyalty

Aired January 24, 2013

Dwight fears the Dunder Mifflin employees aren't being loyal to their customers after Darryl announces he'll be moving to Athlead full-time. Meanwhile, Pam and Jim's relationship is tested as he works in Philadelphia, and Nellie puts Erin and Pete together on a task force.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: Gotta clear out this cabinet, people, a lot of these are dead accounts. "Scranton Mimeograph Corp?" I don't think we're doing business with them any time soon. That's odd. A letter from Robert Dunder. "A valuable artifact has come into my possession. I have hidden it until such time as a person of strong intellect may safely recover it. This golden chalice is of immeasurable historical and religious significance." The Holy Grail.
[later:]
Pam: [on phone]: Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail?
Jim: I think I'm a little too busy these days to s- [whispering] Oh ,my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail.
[later:]
Jim: The Dunder Code! I completely forgot about that prank. That had to be like six or seven years ago. Stayed late every night for a month. Had a lot more free time back then.

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Quote from Pam

Pam: Hey, Angela? Did you hear about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural?
Kevin: Ooh, I haven't heard it. So, what about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Potato?
Pam: Oh, no, Kevin, it's not a joke. Angela's husband put me up for a... Um, just never mind.
Angela: I have no information. But I'm sure as soon as they know, they'll call you.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Senator Lipton helped me submit my design for a new mural on a building downtown. Now I'm just waiting to hear from the selection committee. But, you know, let's be realistic. There are a ton of great artists in Scranton with way more experience. I mean, who are they gonna go with, some nobody like me or a big name like Tracy Fleeb?

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh God. Andy has just started to be nice to me, I just sent his girlfriend into the arms of a younger man. And I CC'd him on every incriminating memo. "Pete and Erin, don't hold back. Our social media presence should be hot, hot, hot. Go at it vigorously." I did everything but unzip their pants for them. Oh, God, Nellie.

Quote from Kevin

Dwight K. Schrute: Customer Loyalty. What is it? Can you hold it in your hand? Can you nudge it with your finger? Can you dump it on a woman? No. Why? Because it's an idea. But what does it mean?
Kevin: Oh, it's when you get a free sandwich after you've already eaten ten sandwiches.

Quote from Kevin

Pete: Come on, guys, where is this even coming from?
Kevin: Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart. And a little bit your penis.

Quote from Jim

Kevin: I don't get it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Aha! A lightbulb.
Kevin: A lightbul-
Dwight K. Schrute: A lightbulb. Okay. Okay. [holding note by lamp] Invisible ink.
Kevin: Whoa.
Dwight K. Schrute: "Higher than numbers go." The ceiling above accounting!
Angela: Dwight! Down, Dwight! Dwight!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: [on the phone]: Man, I wish I was there to see his face when he gets to the end and finds the... fake grail? No grail?
Pam: You don't remember?
Jim: I don't.
[meanwhile:]
Dwight K. Schrute: An "X."
Oscar: Annex. It must open something in the annex.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh.
Kevin: Whoa.
Dwight K. Schrute: "Sedes introiti." Seat of entrance.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

[Dwight cuts open a seat cushion, finds playing cards]
Pete: What?
Oscar: What?
Kevin: That's a flush.
[Dwight emerges with a toy forklift in a plastic baggy]
All: The warehouse.
[later, all the employees are searching the warehouse]
Pam: [on phone to Jim] There's nothing down here.
Jim: Oh, I expected more from young Halpert.
Dwight K. Schrute: Let's just forget it. Forget it.
[Meanwhile, a warehouse worker dips a donut into the golden chalice]

Quote from Erin

Nellie: So, how are we getting on with our grand social media initiative?
Erin: Well, we created a fake profile for a really cool guy named Derek McBlack.
Nellie: Wow.
Erin: It's just Pete in sunglasses.
Nellie: Oh.
Erin: And then we had him "Like" Dunder Mifflin.
Pete: Then we created a bunch of fake friends for Derek, and we had all of them like Derek's likes.
Erin: So far, we're only popular with imaginary people, but we think this is the start of something big.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Pete and I work well together. Not that there's anything special about Pete. It could be any guy or girl. Not that I'm into girls. Not that I'm into Pete. Ugh! What was the question?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Pfft, "Athlead"? Please. They're too lazy to call it Athletes Lead? Jim should just call it "Stumpany," for "Stupid Company."

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] Hey, Halpert, what's the big idea? First you jump ship. Now you're stealing Darryl too. When will it end?
Jim: Well, take your worst fear and multiply it by infinity.
Dwight K. Schrute: You won't stop until you've poached us all.
Jim: Yeah. Even you.
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let us lose me.
Jim: Bye, Dwight.

Quote from Pam

Jim: [on the phone, to Cece] You're gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy's gonna record it. So we'll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Pam?
Pam: Of course.
Jim: Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone?
Pam: Yes, Jim, I think I know how to point a rectangle at something.
Jim: Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you're not the best with the phone.
Pam: I know how to operate my phone, okay? Listen, we're getting close. We will talk to you later. Say, "Bye, Daddy."
Cece: Bye, Daddy.
Jim: Bye. ... Yep. See, you've still got to press end, Pam.
Cece: Press end.

Quote from Erin

Pete: Oh, check it out. This is our first real like.
Erin: Oh, my gosh!
Pete: Oh! All right, Alan Olson from North Dakota. He also likes Hammermill and Georgia Pacific.
Erin: Wow. That guy's really into paper.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, everybody. Uh, coffee order is going around. On me. Just sign your name below. You're welcome.
Phyllis: Wait. This says "Dunder Mifflin Loyalty Pledge"?
Dwight K. Schrute: This- Uh, what? Double mocha latte, please? You got it. Just sign your name below. Whatever you want.
Oscar: "Loyalty pledge"?
Darryl: Come on, Dwight, stop overreacting. I'm getting all my work done here. No customers have complained. Nobody even knows.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, we'll see about that.

Quote from Clark

Dwight K. Schrute: Bust out your complaint files. I need everything you've got on Darryl since he started working for Jim in the last few weeks. Break it down by keyword, okay? "Infuriating, irresponsible"...
Clark: They got us set up with Windows 95, so you're kind of dreaming here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, I'm gonna need you to print it out.
[Dot matrix printer begins to print very loudly and very slowly]

Quote from Darryl

Dwight K. Schrute: Not even close. Mr. Romanko has been a client for 20 years. He came in today in a rage. Why? Because of Darryl. Because Darryl was focusing on outside projects and needs to remember his first priority: the client.
Mr. Romanko: I wouldn't say a rage.
Darryl: Mr. Romanko, we were a day late on one of your deliveries, but two of our trucks were down for repairs. It's very unlikely it would happen again.
Mr. Romanko: Thank you. Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, you're not going anywhere, okay? You are angry, and we are gonna hear you out, all right? Because business is about relationships, and the key to relationships is what, Darryl? L..
Darryl: Loyalty.

Quote from Nellie

Dwight K. Schrute: Loyalty.
Nellie: Loyalty is exactly right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you.
Nellie: Yes. I mean, it is everything. Let's all ask ourselves, have we been faithful in our relationships?
Stanley: That's none of your damn business.
Nellie: Darryl is "dating" Dunder Mifflin.
Darryl: Darryl is dating Val. Still.
Nellie: But he's flirting with Jim's company on the side. And we all know what flirting can lead to.

Quote from Creed

Nellie: I'm having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. So let's- Let's use an example. Take Erin. Erin's boyfriend Andy, is away across the ocean.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah.
Nellie: So is it all right for her to flirt with Creed, for example?
Creed: Let's try it out.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Well, I think it would be immoral for Erin to cheat on Andy.
Erin: Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you cheat on Andy?
Angela: Yes. And he didn't like it.

Quote from Kevin

Phyllis: Does Mr. X know that Erin has a boyfriend, or did Erin keep that from Mr. X?
Kevin: Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete because that's the guy that Erin's flirting with?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Darryl: Dwight, look, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, okay? Athlead is my future. No disrespect to Dunder Mifflin, but if I can have fun at work, I want that.
Dwight K. Schrute: It can't be more fun than selling paper and paper products.
Darryl: It can.
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you pretending to be crazy, huh?

Quote from Erin

Phyllis: Well, Andy's cute, but he's too vanilla, whereas Pete, he's just one sick dude. I mean, you know this guy likes to get weird.
Erin: I'm just gonna say this one more time. Pete and I haven't done anything.
Pete: It's true.
Meredith: Yeah, right. With slammin' bods like that, they ain't playing checkers.
Oscar: People, it's 2013. Erin is a strong, independent woman. Who says she has to end up with any man? [applauds]
Erin: Okay, can everyone please stop speaking for me? Andy is my boyfriend. Pete and I are just friends. And that's the end of it. Right, Pete?
Pete: That is correct.

Quote from Nellie

Erin: Nellie, you have to shut down the task force. I'm not sure if you need to start a new task force to do that, but please just shut down the task force.
Nellie: I suppose that will- That will be all right, yeah.
[aside to camera:]
Nellie: Most relationships eventually die on their own, but sometimes they just need a little pillow over the face. You're welcome, Andy. And you're welcome, my own ass.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun!

Quote from Nellie

Toby: I'm just curious though, what do you have against Pete and Erin?
Nellie: Well, Andy wrote me a really nice recommendation letter for the adoption agency, and I- I just sort of felt I owed him one.
Toby: Pete's a pretty cool guy, though, and Andy was a terrible lover to Erin. He basically ignored her and left on a boat.
Nellie: I didn't really think about it like that.
Toby: Yeah, well... Not everybody has what we have.
Nellie: "What we have"?
Toby: Mm-hmm.
[aside to camera:]
Nellie: I just remembered... I kissed that man. ... Oh, no. Oh, no.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Fast food. I'll take a burger over a gross Philly cheese-steak any day.
Darryl: They have fast food in Philly.
Dwight K. Schrute: Not like this.
Darryl: Exactly like this.
Fast Food Worker: And your milkshake.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you.
Darryl: It's 30 degrees out. You drinkin' a milkshake?
Dwight K. Schrute: Nope. [throws milkshake at employee] Fire in the hole! [laughs] Oh, yeah! Now that's what working at a paper company's all about!
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, what you doing? No, I need the k-- We have to go.
Darryl: You just threw a milkshake in a restaurant where they make minimum wage.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a YouTube thing! Let's go. Let's go. Come on, they're coming.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I haven't told anyone here about the mural yet. I want Jim to be the first to know. Whenever I tell him good news, he's always like, "Beesly!" I love that. Only thing better than getting the job. "Beesly!" [chuckles]

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [cleaning up milkshake in restaurant] It barely even feels like a prank anymore.
Darryl: You missed a spot.
Drive Thru Customer: Fire in the hole! [throws milkshake] Go! Go! Go! Go!
Dwight K. Schrute: Ha ha! Yeah, joke's on you buddy! They make you come back and clean it up!

Quote from Pam

[As Pam cries at her desk after a phone call with Jim]
Brian: Hey, you okay?
Pam: What am I doing wrong, Brian?
Brian: Nothing. You're doing the best you can.
Cameraman: Brian.
Brian: Give her a minute. Give her a minute. Hey, it's just a tough situation, all right?
Pam: It's getting tougher. I just didn't know that it was gonna be this hard.
Brian: Yeah. Let's turn the cameras off. Seriously, guys. Enough. Enough.
Pam: Thank you.

Quote from Darryl

[watching the video of Dwight being hit by a milkshake:]
Darryl: [sighs] I'm gonna miss the paper business.


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