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‘Halloween’ Quotes

The Office: Halloween

205. Halloween

Aired October 18, 2005

On Halloween, Michael can not put off the decision on who to fire any longer.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.

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Quote from Jim

Pam: [answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Yeah. Just one second. I will transfer you to our manager, Michael Scott.
Jim: [answering the phone] Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. Hmm-hmm. Dwight Schrute is amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. Hmm-hmm. You know what? I'm gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute and he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well, then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott personally and financially responsible. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Honestly, I don't think Michael has the slightest clue of who he's gonna fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone's gonna volunteer, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's gonna happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma.

Quote from Phyllis

Dwight K. Schrute: What about me?
Phyllis: What are What are you? A monk?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm a Sith lord. Oh, big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt. This cost me $129.
Phyllis: Ass.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, you know what? Go buy some more. I'll approve the overages. Sound good?
Angela: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Good. Oh, yeah, also, about budget stuff... Um, I'm gonna need you to find, like, a full employee salary plus benefits. Like 50 grand. I'm gonna need you to find 50 grand in the numbers.
Angela: But we don't keep two sets of books.
Michael Scott: Well, that's not what I'm saying. Just, you know, find it. Pretend that your jobs depend on it.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I'm guessing Angela's the one in the neighborhood who gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes, pennies, walnuts...

Quote from Stanley

Dwight K. Schrute: Stanley, could you come with me, please?
Stanley: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: As Assistant Regional Manager-
Stanley: To the.
Dwight K. Schrute: Look, I've got some bad news. You're fired. You need to pack up your things and go. I'm serious, Stanley. It's over. I'm sorry.
Stanley: "You're fired." Get your fingers off my phone.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Cumberland Mills? And how did you get my resume? Oh, no, no. I'm very flattered. Don't get me wrong. I'm just not sure that it's my official resume or if it's something that maybe a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under martial arts training? Oh, okay, I'm gonna have to supplement that. Could I have your fax number?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: So you got the fax. So why didn't you add it to the resume? What do you mean? Of course, martial arts training is relevant. Oh, excuse me, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence! Well, you know what? You can go to hell, too, and I will see you there burning. Fine. Oh, wait, so you'll let me know when you've made a decision?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Devon, wait. Please.
Devon: What?
Michael Scott: Look, look. In addition to severance and everything, I want to give you this gift certificate to Chili's from me. Okay? No hard feelings.

Quote from Jim

Pam: I'm sorry for pushing you toward Cumberland. Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out. Come on.
Jim: [to camera] That's just a figure of speech, you know. Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends. And who else is she gonna talk to if I'm gone? Right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland because it's double the pay and soft-shell crab just happens to be my favorite food.

Quote from Jim

Pam: Okay, greatest strength.
Jim: Okay, okay.
Pam: A dog-like obedience to authority.
Jim: Nice.
Pam: But that doesn't sound good.
Jim: Okay, okay. How about the ultimate team player?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Dwight is special. But I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Preferably Alaska or India.


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