Michael Scott: And I'd like to start today by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? [A student hands Michael his text book] Thank you. What have we here? Ooh, economics. Very, very interesting. [rips pages out of the textbook] You cannot learn from books. [still ripping] Replace these pages with life lessons, and then you will have a book that is worth its weight in gold. I know, those are expensive, but the lesson is priceless. Good. All right, I think you're inspired. Shall we proceed? There are four kinds of business, tourism, food service, railroads and sales. And hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel.

Michael Scott: Yeah, sure. You know business. Sitting up here in your ivory tower and your ebony tower. Well, you know what? I tell you one thing, Dunder Mifflin is here to stay!
Student: But how can you compete against a company with the resources of a nationwide chain?
Michael Scott: David will always beat Goliath!
Student #2: But there's five Goliaths. There's Staples, OfficeMax-
Michael Scott: Yeah, yeah. You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, sex predators... mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Is that what we're learning in business school?

Michael Scott: A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students, and then, like, 12 other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. Really ruined eighth grade for us.

Michael Scott: What is the most inspiring thing I ever said to you?
Dwight K. Schrute: "Don't be an idiot." Changed my life.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.

Dwight K. Schrute: If a vampire bat was in the U.S. It would make sense for it to come to a "Sylvania," like Pennsylvania. Now, that doesn't mean that Jim is gonna become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ.

Dwight K. Schrute: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.

Jim: Animal Control will be here at 6:00.
Dwight K. Schrute: At 6:00? No, that is unacceptable. Okay, Jim. You are the number two in this office. You need to step up and show some leadership!
Jim: I'm sorry, what'd you say? So weird.
Dwight K. Schrute: What? What's so weird?
Jim: The bat I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look, there's no mark. I feel so tingly, so strangely powerful. Oh, well.

Michael Scott: So, you want to start a business. How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. And secondly, you need supply, you need something to sell. Now, this could be anything. It could be a thingamajig or a who's- he-what's- he or a Whatchamacallit. [throws a candy bar of the same name] Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay. [and again] And if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 GRAND. [and again] Satisfied? [holds up a Snickers bar]

Michael Scott: Pamcasso! Sorry I'm late. I had to race across town.
Pam: Oh, Michael.
Michael Scott: Wow! You did these? Freehand?
Pam: Yep.
Michael Scott: My God, these could be tracings. Oh, look at this one. Wow! You nailed it. How much?
Pam: What do you mean?
Michael Scott: I don't see a price.
Pam: Um. You want to buy it?
Michael Scott: Well, yeah. Yeah, we have to have it for the office. I mean, there's my window. And there's my car! Is that your car?
Pam: Uh-huh.
Michael Scott: That is our building. And we sell paper. I am really proud of you.
[Pam hugs Michael]
Pam: Thank you.

Michael Scott: Well, we can do questions. Okay, very good. First hand up.
Student: Sir, as a company that primarily distributes paper, how have you adapted your business model to function in an increasingly paperless world?
Michael Scott: We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny e-mails, but real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down. [the students all start typing on their computers]