Todd Packer Quotes Page 1 of 4

Quote from Pilot

Michael Scott: Todd Packer, terrific rep. Do you mind if I take it?
Jan: Go ahead.
Michael Scott: Packman.
Todd: [on the phone] Hey, you big queen.
Michael Scott: Oh. That's not appropriate.
Todd: Is old Godzillary coming in today?
Michael Scott: I, uh- I don't know what you mean.
Todd: I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes?
Michael Scott: Oh, my God! Oh! That's horrifying. Horrible. Horrible person.

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Quote from Sexual Harassment

Ryan: You a big William Hung fan?
Todd: Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that?

Quote from The Farm

Todd: Hi, all.
Phyllis: Why are you here, Todd?
Todd: Okay. Let's get right to it. I guess. My name is Todd Packer and I am in recovery. I'm working the steps. I'm on step eight of Alcoholics Anonymous and step nine of Narcotics Anonymous. I'm here to make amends. I've been hard to deal with over the past years. Kind of a jerk. I know it. I don't need you to accept my apology, but I'd love it if you did.
Kevin: Packer, we accept.
Todd: Actually, they have a specific way I need to do this. And, I have to go through examples of stuff. OK. Uh, where to begin. Hey. Pam-pam and her pam-pams. Wow. I have said some crude things about those. But, they are beautiful. And, I guess that's why I acted out. Pam, I'm sorry I objectified you. And, personified your breasts. Sorry, guys. [to Phyllis] Oh boy. I have not been nice to you. Philly, I'm sorry for the things I said about your size. To your face, behind your back, and in the form of drawings. Actually, that goes to all you double XLs. Stanley, Kevin, [points to Clark] this kid in a few years.

Quote from The Farm

Pam: Todd, you're just saying insults in the form of an apology.
Todd: Why can't I just be nice? Truth is, I really like you guys. I really do. Okay. The apology's just half of it. The big thing is making amends. And, that's why I brought these. I went out to the Steamtown Mall and I got you all cupcakes. From that place Nipples.
Pam: I think it's called Nibbles.
Todd: Huh. The mind sees what it wants to, huh?

Quote from The Farm

Todd: I am going through a twelve-step program. I'm currently on step zero. Which is have a [bleep] of fun. I spent six hours carefully removing the frosting and then layering in a variety of drugs, some legal, some not, some laxative, some constipating. You don't fire the Pac-Man and expect to get away with it.

Quote from Sexual Harassment

Todd: What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? This guy!

Quote from Ben Franklin

Michael Scott: I can't get a stripper here. Sexual harassment.
Todd: Get one for the girls, too. That evens it out. Like, you know, separate but equal.
Michael Scott: So that's what that means.

Quote from Whistleblower

Michael Scott: [answering phone] Michael Scott, as seen on TV.
Todd Packer: [high-pitched voice] I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener... [normal voice] It's Packer!
Michael Scott: Oh, Pack Man, I thought you were a girl!

Quote from Todd Packer

Todd: I really thought I was becoming too much of a womanizer. I realized I had shirts in five different women's houses.
Michael Scott: Still not seeing the problem here.
Todd: All right, truth is I gotta couple love bumps on my ding-dong so, it's like, oh, game-over!

Quote from Todd Packer

Michael Scott: Hi.
Holly: You must be Todd.
Todd: Whoa, I'm sorry, Michael. I thought we were meeting Holly today, not Jennifer Aniston!

Quote from Todd Packer

Michael Scott: Yes! The Pack is back! Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction, probably because most of you have done it with him. Just kidding he wouldn't be interested in any of you. In all seriousness, Todd Packer, is a permanent salesman at this branch. And I would like to invite you to welcome him with open arms.
Kevin: Yes!
Jim: What!?
Todd: It's great to be among friends, and until then, you suckers will do!
Kevin: Nice. We got burned.

Quote from Todd Packer

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, Packer, I made you some hot chocolate.
Todd: Why?
Dwight K. Schrute: 'Cause I wanna let bygones be bygones. Show you I'm cool. You're the new guy. It's cold out. I made too much. I got this awesome hot chocolate recipe from my wife.
Jim: That's a lot of reasons!
Dwight K. Schrute: Drink it!
Todd: I think I'll pass. The only hot chocolate I'm into is Vivica A. Fox.

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