Todd Packer Quotes Page 1 of 3

Quote from Sexual Harassment

Ryan: You a big William Hung fan?
Todd: Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that?

Quote from Pilot

Michael Scott: Todd Packer, terrific rep. Do you mind if I take it?
Jan: Go ahead.
Michael Scott: Packman.
Todd: [on the phone] Hey, you big queen.
Michael Scott: Oh. That's not appropriate.
Todd: Is old Godzillary coming in today?
Michael Scott: I, uh- I don't know what you mean.
Todd: I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes?
Michael Scott: Oh, my God! Oh! That's horrifying. Horrible. Horrible person.

Quote from The Farm

Todd: Hi, all.
Phyllis: Why are you here, Todd?
Todd: Okay. Let's get right to it. I guess. My name is Todd Packer and I am in recovery. I'm working the steps. I'm on step eight of Alcoholics Anonymous and step nine of Narcotics Anonymous. I'm here to make amends. I've been hard to deal with over the past years. Kind of a jerk. I know it. I don't need you to accept my apology, but I'd love it if you did.
Kevin: Packer, we accept.
Todd: Actually, they have a specific way I need to do this. And, I have to go through examples of stuff. OK. Uh, where to begin. Hey. Pam-pam and her pam-pams. Wow. I have said some crude things about those. But, they are beautiful. And, I guess that's why I acted out. Pam, I'm sorry I objectified you. And, personified your breasts. Sorry, guys. [to Phyllis] Oh boy. I have not been nice to you. Philly, I'm sorry for the things I said about your size. To your face, behind your back, and in the form of drawings. Actually, that goes to all you double XLs. Stanley, Kevin, [points to Clark] this kid in a few years.

Quote from The Farm

Pam: Todd, you're just saying insults in the form of an apology.
Todd: Why can't I just be nice? Truth is, I really like you guys. I really do. Okay. The apology's just half of it. The big thing is making amends. And, that's why I brought these. I went out to the Steamtown Mall and I got you all cupcakes. From that place Nipples.
Pam: I think it's called Nibbles.
Todd: Huh. The mind sees what it wants to, huh?

Quote from The Farm

Todd: I am going through a twelve-step program. I'm currently on step zero. Which is have a [bleep] of fun. I spent six hours carefully removing the frosting and then layering in a variety of drugs, some legal, some not, some laxative, some constipating. You don't fire the Pac-Man and expect to get away with it.

Quote from Todd Packer

Todd: [to Hank] And a '76 that's good to boot, I like that.
Michael Scott: And you made Hank smile, that doesn't happen often. You're very charming. That is something you should take upstairs, and use on people that really matter.
Todd: Why?
Michael Scott: I don't know. Holly mentioned that there were some complaints. And that you had said some things about Kevin.
Todd: Holly said that?
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Holy: She was laughing hysterically that whole time!
Michael Scott: I guess you said something weird about your daughter?
Todd: She asked me, Michael. It would've been rude not to answer.
Michael Scott: You've been on the road a long time. And you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.
Todd: Michael, can I open the kimono with you. I've been on the road too long. But, I wanna connect with my daughter. And it's not right to call her a bitch in front of strangers.
Michael Scott: No, it isn't.
Todd: You're right. I gotta watch my behavior.
Michael Scott: Yeah, a little bit.
Todd: Don't give up on me.
Michael Scott: I won't.

Quote from Todd Packer

Todd: Apparently, as soon as corporate found out I wanted to come in off the road, Jo offered me a cushy new job in Tallahassee. And here's the best part, I'm a huge alligator nerd. I can name you every genus, every sub species. Also I'm a huge boob nerd.

Quote from Last Day in Florida

Todd: Nice. Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy?
Dwight K. Schrute: [to Packer] Silence.
Todd: Aw, I'm just trying to-
Dwight K. Schrute: I know what you're trying to do, I don't want it. [to Jim] But your face does look like the guy from Operation.
Todd: That's- That's the same guy. It's the joke I made.
Dwight K. Schrute: Different guy.

Quote from Last Day in Florida

Todd: Well, looks like Shnoot's a no-show. Guess he wasn't vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I'm your man.
Nellie: Right, let's begin then. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mr. Todd Packer.
Todd: 'sup.

Quote from Whistleblower

Michael Scott: [answering phone] Michael Scott, as seen on TV.
Todd Packer: [high-pitched voice] I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener... [normal voice] It's Packer!
Michael Scott: Oh, Pack Man, I thought you were a girl!

Quote from Sexual Harassment

Todd: What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? This guy!

Quote from Ben Franklin

Michael Scott: I can't get a stripper here. Sexual harassment.
Todd: Get one for the girls, too. That evens it out. Like, you know, separate but equal.
Michael Scott: So that's what that means.

Quote from The Farm

Todd: [to Erin] Hey, Moonface. Nice to see those shiny, little Chinese eyes of yours.
Clark: [to Pam] Who's this guy?
Pam: Bad.

Quote from The Farm

Clark: Hey, man. I don't think we've met. I'm Clark.
Todd: Oh. I'm Todd. Oh, sorry for calling you a fat, little runt earlier.
Clark: You didn't actually say that.
Todd: No? Wow. I'm in this mode now where I'm apologizing for thoughts that are in my head. Hey, I have a crazy feeling [gives Clark a cupcake] that you are really gonna like this.

Quote from Tallahassee

Dwight K. Schrute: I'll be on top. It's the most important position.
Ryan: Dude, I think you have appendicitis.
Dwight K. Schrute: [tries to climb human pyramid] Ahh!
Ryan: Dwight?
Jim: Dwight, why don't we just hold off with the human pyramids for a while?
Dwight K. Schrute: Everyone stop moving! Everyone stop wiggling! Oh, I feel like I'm gonna vomit!
Todd: Dude, don't you yak on me. This shirt is Van Heusen.