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40Quotes from ‘Cafe Disco’

The Office: Cafe Disco

527. Cafe Disco

Aired May 7, 2009

To improve his employees' morale, Michael turns his old office space into a cafe disco.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Guys, I believe that I have figured out what is up your butts. There's no reason to be scared. The bad man is gone. Charles is gone.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster's. People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don't know. It's like... Dave died or something.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Now I know what the founders of Philip Morris felt like. You just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I still have the lease on the Michael Scott Paper Company, so occasionally I will sneak down here for a little coffee and dancing. I actually dance all the time. Tip-toeing around corporate, it is a ballet. When I am breaking all the rules, I am break dancing. And "expresso".

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Phyllis, we're going to put you in here. Dwight's going to take care of you.
Phyllis: What? No. I thought we were going to the hospital.
Dwight K. Schrute: You want to get sick you go to the hospital.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. And it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. They were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It's just, we need to get her out of here because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman writhing around on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. But most importantly we need to get her some medical attention. ASAP. Stat.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Look, I hate to be "that" person but I just don't like the general spirit of music.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I know. I know, Angela. A lot of people doubted Cafe Disco at first, but it is a magical place. You have to give it a chance. If these walls could talk they would say, " This is a magical place. You are safe here. We are talking walls. We're not going to eat you."

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: At Dunder-Mifflin there is a very strict no lunch with the boss policy. And I don't know who instituted it. I think it started right after my predecessor stepped down. But at the Michael Scott Paper Company, I really enjoyed having lunch with Pam and Ryan everyday. So, rules be damned, I wanna have lunch with these people.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay. Anyone? Anyone? At all? Accounting? I am accounting on you to go to lunch with me.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Erin: Hi, guys. How you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us.
Erin: Right. I'm sorry.
Dwight K. Schrute: [sighs] Now, how can I help you?
Erin: Did somebody here leave a map in the printer to Youngstown, Ohio?
Dwight K. Schrute: Attention, office. Who here is planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio? I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something. This location is the Superior Court...
Pam: So someone is going to a court. Big deal.
Dwight K. Schrute: It is a big deal. Cause there's only a handful of reasons why someone would ever go to a courthouse in Ohio and not be charged with a crime. To claim an inheritance from a deceased relative. To obtain a learner's permit at age 14 and a half instead of 15. Erin, let me see your birth certificate.
Erin: Sure.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Daddy's here and daddy is going to take care of you.
Oscar: Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy.
Michael Scott: I am your Big Daddy and I am gonna kiss da boo boo.
Andy: Wittle Andy is afwaid.
Michael Scott: Andy's afwaid?
Andy: Yes.
Michael Scott: Are you all afwaid?
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Michael Scott: Daddy's here for you. My wittle angels.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Oh, no, no, no. This is no good.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries.
Michael Scott: I don't need a history lesson, okay?
Dwight K. Schrute: What do you think history is?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.

Quote from Creed

Creed: Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
Michael Scott: Hey, thank you, Creed. You're really getting this place.
Creed: No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now.

Quote from Angela

Michael Scott: Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up!
Angela: You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Phyllis: Wanna dance, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: Ordinarily, I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic.
Bob Vance: Mind if I steal my wife?
Dwight K. Schrute: You can't steal what is legally your property.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Erin: Oh my God! I can't believe it! I jut won an art contest! [screams, Dwight gets up and hands Erin money] Thanks. I still don't understand why you wanted me to say that.
Dwight K. Schrute: Shut up.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: [laughs] I got her!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Guys, I'm scared. I'm really scared. I think I'm growing into a giant. Because look at this normal sized coffee cup. Looks so tiny in my giant hand now.

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: Ryan?
Ryan: I don't do lunch. I'm eating five small meals a day now.
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: Now that I'm back to doing the job of a temp, again, I find that food is one thing I can control.

Quote from Michael Scott

Phyllis: Michael, we have a lot of work to do.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Work.
Michael Scott: Ugh! God! What happened to you people? [robotic voice] We are just office drones. We are office drones. All we do is work... Is work.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: If you don't take out his battery, he just keeps going all day.
[back:]
Pam: Oh, no. Your battery fell out.
Michael Scott: [robotic voice, trailing off] I... was just learning... to... love.

Quote from Jim

Jim: There are other reasons to go to Ohio.
Pam: We're getting married today.
Jim: So, it turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a 3 day waiting period.
Pam: Tell 'em how it happened.
Jim: Okay. So, we're going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated.
Pam: And very expensive.
Jim: Very expensive. Cause you say you want a small wedding and that's great but then you have to invite-
Pam: You can't leave anyone out.
Jim: No one.
Pam: Okay, just get to the good part.
Jim: Okay. Right. Oh, so this morning we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, " You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you."
Pam: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: Okay. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk.
Pam: What?
Michael Scott: Funk is the problem and the solution.
Jim: That makes sense.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I have taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see.
Oscar: Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
Michael Scott: Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it.
Dwight K. Schrute: [As Jack Nicholson:] All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Meredith: This is like a haunted coffeehouse thing?
Michael Scott: No. Dwight is confusing you. That- It's- It's more of a disco.
Andy: It's like a haunted disco.
Michael Scott: ... with coffee but without the haunted.
Phyllis: It's a combo dance house coffee bar.
Michael Scott: It is a daytime disco on the ground floor of an industrial office building.
Erin: It's a cafe disco.
Michael Scott: Exactly.
Kevin: So, like, a disco cafe?
Michael Scott: Wha- No. No. Not even close. I can't force you to go down but I can entice you. I'm gonna be down there. Erin will be down there from time to time... and all-you-can-eat espresso.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, Kevin, I guess it is just me and you.
Kevin: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Holding down the fort.
Kevin: Yeah. This place is great.
Michael Scott: Thank you.
Angela: Oh, my God, Kevin. I am still on hold. You were supposed to get the answer from Michael and come back up.
Kevin: I'm sorry.
Michael Scott: This is a no work zone. Please respect the lei.
Kevin: Yeah. Respect the lei.

Quote from Kevin

Angela: Come.
Michael Scott: Kevin, stay.
Angela: Kevin, come.
Michael Scott: Kevin, stay.
Angela: Kevin, come.
Michael Scott: Stay, stay.
Angela: Come on, right now.
Michael Scott: Cookie. Kevin, cookie.
Angela: Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin.
Kevin: [to Michael] Is there a cookie?
Michael Scott: Mmm-hmm.
Angela: Wha-
Michael Scott: Come on.
Angela: Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There's no cookie. There's no cookie. Come on. Come.
Kevin: I wanted a cookie.
Angela: Completely unacceptable.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in?
Jessica: Oh, he's on a call.
Phyllis: Oh, I'll just duck my head in.
Jessica: It's pretty important. He wouldn't want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off?
Phyllis: Tell him I'm going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there.
Jessica: I'll let him know.
Phyllis: Mmm-hmm.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! I got your text. Who's Philip?
Michael Scott: No. No. No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who tipped you over? Was it Philip?
Phyllis: It's my back.

Quote from Angela

Oscar: What happened to Phyllis?
Michael Scott: Oh, you know. Nothing. She's- We were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she's a tough, old bird. So...
Angela: Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations wherein we hurt ourselves?

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Cafe Disco? More like Crappe Disco.
Erin: You're bad.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Come on. Relax. The shirt wasn't doing you any favors. If my assessment in correct, you grind your teeth?
Phyllis: I do.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: No kidding! She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. Grr, grr. It's like children singing Christmas carols.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: You invited someone?
Erin: Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that?
Oscar: I've been here eight years and I've never... [Erin walks away] Rude.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a dance off.

Quote from Creed

Michael Scott: Cafe Disco is dead but I can still hear the music in my head.
Creed: I hear it, too, Boss.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now, I need you to lie still for an hour.

Quote from Phyllis

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm gonna go with the python.
Phyllis: But the rattler's so scary.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep.
Phyllis: I think Bob is gonna cheat on me with his new secretary. [Dwight stops massaging Phyllis, she starts to giggle]
Dwight K. Schrute: What's so funny?
Phyllis: When I say it out loud it's so silly.

Quote from Pam

Pam: This is so cheesy.
Jim: Yes.
Pam: I like cheesy.
Jim: Me, too.
Pam: Yeah. I think maybe I want a "wedding" wedding.
Jim: Me, too.
Pam: Really?
Jim: Yeah.

Quote from Andy

Kelly: Stop squirming.
Andy: Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing.
Kelly: You wanted to do this. Just be brave.
Andy: I- I- But you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional.
Kelly: I'm doing it. No, I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up.
Andy: Are you sure that's not the "gay" ear?
Kelly: Gay ear? What are you 12 years old?


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