TV Quotes

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm gonna say 30.
Rolph: Ah, 40. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good point, but, thought of that already. Combination SPF/repellent.
Rolph: Woah. Homemade?
Dwight K. Schrute: Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET?
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Rolph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks.

Stanley: I usually don't enjoy the theater, but this is delightful.

Erin: [answering phones, whispering] Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. He's not available right now. Uh huh, yes, sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up- Gets back.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Michael had chicken potpie for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch, and- Let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire family-sized chicken potpie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep, so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5:00 pm, which, actually, should be in about [changing the clock] ten minutes.

Michael Scott: Well, in his infinite wisdom, David Wallace has authorized us to put on a little presentation about the history of Dunder Mifflin.
Holly: Yep, the old comedy team is back together again.
Michael Scott: That's right.
Holly: [in a New York accent] Have ya hoid the news? Extry! Extry! Read all about it!
Michael Scott: Newspapers for sale!

Jim: [whispering] Okay, I'm gonna go in there and change the computer. Are you sure you can change his watch?
Pam: [whispering] I can do it.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispering] What do you need from me?
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. [laughs] No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.

Michael Scott: I didn't find a perfect moment, because I think that today was just about just having today. And I think that we are one of those couples with a long story, when people ask how they found each other. I will see her every now and then, and... Maybe one year she'll be with somebody, and the next year, I'll be with somebody. And it's gonna take a long time... And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.

Michael Scott: I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. Number one: "Holly, you and I are soup snakes." The- And the reason is- Because... in terms of the soup, we like to- that doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates.

Dwight K. Schrute: Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. Right?
Jim: Well, I could've died, so... I looked it up online afterwards.

Andy: [yelling at Erin] Are you blind?! Are you blind?! [turns to a man playing on Erin's team] Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? I'm concerned you might be in danger.
Man: These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass.
Andy: Okay, I was just looking out for you. [to Erin] You're doing great, by the way.

Kevin: I got it. [Kevin misses]
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh! Oh, Kevin! Come on!
Andy: Are you blind?!
Dwight K. Schrute: I could've gotten that, idiot!
Andy: Can you see things with your eyeballs?!
Dwight K. Schrute: It's not a sledgehammer!