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‘Trivia’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Office: Trivia

811. Trivia

Aired January 12, 2012

Andy and his employees gatecrash the trivia night Oscar is attending at a gay bar in Philadelphia. Meanwhile, Dwight travels to Florida for a job interview with Robert at the Sabre headquarters.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Animals, machines, vast virtual armies. All of these things I have successfully managed. The only thing I haven't managed is people. I saw an ad on the Sabre website for an open manager position in their printers division. I spoke to Robert California about it and he said for me to come by and see him sometime. So, like a Spanish conquistador, I have come to Florida to claim what is rightfully mine.


Quote from Gabe

Gabe: Corporate says to me, "Gabe, we need you in Scranton." Scranton says, "Gabe, go back down to Florida. You're needed there." So, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm up there. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I'm down here. I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying.

Quote from Robert

Dwight K. Schrute: Riddle number two: Who is going-
Robert: Ah-ah-ah- Your drive, your ambition. It would be wasted on a manager's job. And Florida, you don't want to live here. Even I don't want to live here. That's why I'm always at my place in Scranton. Florida is America's basement: It's wet, it's filled with mold, strange insects, alligators. Alligators are dinosaurs, Dwight. You know that, right?

Quote from Andy

Oscar: Andy, please! Please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper-
Andy: [gasps] Shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper? [scattered applause]
Jim: Very nice. Very nice sales pitch for our clients that don't know what paper is.
Andy: I'm talking about you guys! Who in this room, right now, wants to buy some paper? Let's get high on our own supply!
Angela: Andy, you want us to buy our own paper?
Andy: Yes!
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Robert said that we needed to double our sales growth to eight percent by the end of the quarter. That's today. And we're eight hundred and thirty dollars short. And I can't afford to keep buying paper from us. So today, we need to sell eight hundred and thirty dollars of paper and the next quarter I need to sell the twenty-two hundred dollars of paper that's in my garage.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: [on the phone] You can reduce your prices by ten percent or we're going to be finding a new source for our morning bagels. All right. [hangs up]
Dwight K. Schrute: Gabe, I always wondered what it is you did around here. Now I found out. You're the bagel guy.
Gabe: Yeah. But not just bagels. All unwanted problems. Question: What's the most important appliance in your house?
Dwight K. Schrute: Meat grinder.
Gabe: [makes buzzer sound] Too slow. It's the toilet. And I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean. And, just like a toilet, I am essential.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know, Gabe, you could have gone with garbage disposal, incinerator or eraser, and instead you chose toilet. God bless you. You're an American classic.

Quote from Kevin

Host: Final round. Last two teams squaring off. I hope you're ready to play doctor. Our question is about health and the human body.
Andy: Oh, come on!
Host: The standard American analog scale has a maximum capacity of what weight? [bell rings]
Kevin: Three hundred pounds!
Host: Point for the Einsteins. [applause] Here's your final question. Cinephiles, put on your memory berets: This 2001 masterpiece from Gilles Paquet-Brenner explores the intricate dynamics of a family in disarray.
Oscar: [rings bell, answers in French] Le titre du film est Le Scaphandre et le Papillon.
Oscar's friend: Yes!
Host: I'm sorry, no. Over to the Einsteins.
Kevin: [rings bell] Les Jolies Choses.
Meredith: Are you sure?
Kevin: Marion Cotillard exposes herself a number of times in that film.
Host: The Einsteins win it!
Oscar: No! Come on!
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: Look, I know it's easy to say tonight was just a fluke, and maybe it was, but here's a piece of trivia: a fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea. So if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are, you just might catch one.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Let me tell you why I should be the next manager with a riddle: A manager, a salesman, a leader and a warrior walk into a restaurant. The hostess says, "Table for one?" How is this possible?
Robert: You were dining alone? All those people are you?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, exactly.

Quote from Kevin

Stonewall Host: Welcome to the Stonewall Alliance Trivia Championships! First prize is forty-five hundred dollars!
Kevin: Let's just do our thing, collect our hardware and get the hell home.
Stonewall Host: Riboflavin.
Kevin: [holds up "Robitussin"] Riboflavin?
Stonewall Host: Michigan. [Kevin holds up "a mitten"] The President of the United States is "P.O.T.U.S." [Kevin holds up "P.O.T.A.T.O."] John Steinbeck wrote The Grapes of Wrath. [Kevin holds up "The California Raisins"]

Quote from Andy

Andy: [to Jim and Darryl] You're my sports guys! You're ESPN, you're ESPN Classic. Ryan is MSNBC. I'm E!, TLC and Oxygen.

Quote from Jim

[The office's record silent streak is broken:]
Kevin: Oh, yeah!
All: Aw!
Dwight K. Schrute: Knew it! I knew it! Soon as I heard that wrapper.
Oscar: You really have to say "Oh, yeah" every time you eat a candy bar?
Kevin: I can't help it, Oscar. It's just really good. Oh, yeah!
Oscar: My hands are tied.
Jim: All right, not bad at all. I think we can beat 20 minutes, though so let's try again. Get it all out now if you have to.
Andy: It was a raccoon! Eating a hamburger like a person!
Dwight K. Schrute: You need to stop banging your pen on your desk or it's going to drive me insane.
Jim: Okay, got it.
Erin: [shows bloody hand] Does anyone have a first aid kit?
Darryl: Check out this song I wrote: I'ma love you downstairs tonight... [overlapping chatter]
Jim: All right, here we go! Everybody get ready in three, two - good luck - one!

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