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‘Doomsday’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Office: Doomsday

806. Doomsday

Aired November 3, 2011

After Robert urges Andy to improve the branch's execution, Dwight installs an accountability device that will trigger a doomsday scenario if the employees make five mistakes in one day.

Quote from Stanley

Andy: You know what, fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, but if you don't want to sing, no traditions!
Stanley: [singing] Closing time, every new beginning...
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I've never heard that song before. And once I heard it, I did not care for it. But that song means it's time to go home. Now, it's my favorite song.


Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Last night I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice president had all the power. Athletes fought for silver medals. Women were considered the best gender. And stadiums of fans shouted "We're number two!' As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Andy: Where you going?
Dwight K. Schrute: In. I'm hungry.
Pam: Uh, could we come in too? Just for some water.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Take off your shoes. Except you Kevin, they stay on.
Pam: Oh, wow. I forgot how pretty your house is.
Dwight K. Schrute: This is the new addition, built by Erasmus Schrute in 1808. It doubled as a tuberculosis recovery room until 2009.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: I know how to save the company, everyone. Just write a petition, get everyone's signature, including our clients, march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt! [laughing]
Oscar: It's not that funny.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [turns lights on and off, in a Brooklyn accent:] Hey everybody, it's closing time. You don't got to go home but you can't stay here. [Plays Closing Time by Semisonic on the stereo]

Quote from Andy

Robert: Last week, an accounting mistake resulted in a client getting their order for free.
Andy: Umpf. That's not good. Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb out there.
Robert: Who are they?
Andy: They're both Kevin. Oscar is the Sex and the City gang and Angela, if you can picture...
Robert: Andrew, sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all.
Andy: I would agree with that.

Quote from Kevin

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, you can't just change the rules because you don't like the outcome. What about you, Kevin? What about you and your fake task? Can you tell me now where paper comes from?
Kevin: Uh, the man tree puts its penis-

Quote from Pam

Pam: Let's see. Andy has been manager for a hundred and five days. Which means I've heard 'Closing Time' a hundred and five times. Still don't know the words. Ah wah, dah wah... Home and home and home.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: They are making me out to be a Bond villain. I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist who will stop at nothing to remake the world. Like... [sighs] Not Doctor Moreau someone good. Doctor Frankenstein, Doctor Jekyll, not them. Doctor...

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: They're not my favorite people in the world. I wouldn't even call them friends. They come over here, eat my pie, dig the crappiest horse grave you've ever seen. God, I'm gonna have to work with them forever, aren't I?

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