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39Quotes from ‘Sabre’

The Office: Sabre

615. Sabre

Aired February 4, 2010

Michael is uncomfortable with all the changes at the office when Dunder Mifflin is taken over Sabre.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I miss the old Dunder Mifflin. Too much change is not a good thing. Ask the climate.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: There is a small part of me that is actually very excited about this new company. But 70 percent of me is water, and the other part - the real part - the part that has feelings and emotions and thoughts and makes decisions and, if I can be crass, makes babies, that part thinks that all of these changes suck ba-

Quote from Jim

Christian Slater: So you've just been bought by Sabre. You've probably got a lot of questions. Hi. I'm Christian Slater. What's it like to work for Sabre? Let's find out together. Working at Sabre means taking on the challenge of the road that rises to meet you. Sabre is respecting the past, but opening a window to the future. Have you ever tasted a rainbow? At Sabre, you will.
Jo: You'll find it easy to embrace the Sabre spirit. Welcome. We're very excited to go on this journey with you.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: [Christian Slater impression] So you've been shown a nonsensical video. You're probably wondering, "What's going on?" Well, you're not alone.

Quote from David

David: Hey, you know, if you want, I'm sure I can get Arnie on board if you wanted to join us for Suck It. Work together again.
Michael Scott: The what?
David: Suck It. That's what it's called.
Michael Scott: Oh, okay.
David: Huh? Catchy. Kids'll love it.
Michael Scott: Like it.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: There are very few things that would make me not want to team up with David Wallace. And Suck It is one of 'em.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Dunder Mifflin was recently bought by an electronics company named Sabre. ["sob-ray"] They stepped in at the 11th hour, and they saved our asses. Although David Wallace said that we were the one branch that was actually working right, so we probably could have saved our own asses. We didn't need them touching our asses.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Erin: Guys, um, who's Gabe? This note says to put the box aside for Gabe Lewis, who's coming tomorrow?
[later:]
Michael Scott: Okay, everybody, listen up. I have some bad news. Due to circumstances beyond my control-
Dwight K. Schrute: Impulsivity and inattention to detail.
Michael Scott: Hey, hey. I have opened a box, which should not have been opened...
Dwight K. Schrute: Terrible mistake.
Michael Scott: And distributed things which should not have been distributed.
Dwight K. Schrute: Undistributable.
Pam: Well, maybe we can put the box back together.
Dwight K. Schrute: Impossible. He opened it like an ape.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Gabe seems tall. Hope we get along. Had a very good thing going with David Wallace. He was a good guy. He was somebody I could trust. Here he is. [holding up photo of him and Wallace] You can really see that he is okay taking a picture with me. Even though I was there for disciplinary reasons.

Quote from Andy

Andy & Erin: [singing, Andy playing guitar to the tune of Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA"] Hopped off the train in Scranton, PA, another cloudy gray afternoon. Jumped in the cab, here you are for the first time, look to the right see the "Electric City" sign. This is gonna be good day, for Dunder Mifflin and Sob-ray. Sab- [guitar stops]
Michael Scott: Saber.
Andy: Saber. [sings] Dunder Mifflin and Saber. So yeah, yeah, yay, yay.
Andy & Erin: Dunder Mifflin is a part of Sob-ray. So yeah, yeah, yay, yay. Dunder Mifflin is a part of Sabre. [music stops]
Andy: You sure it's saber?

Quote from Jim

Pam: We found a great local daycare. It's rated really high by all the local parenting websites. But that means it's also really hard to get into.
Jim: Turns out, a lot of parents want the very best for their children. That's weird.
Pam: We're hoping our interview seals the deal.
Jim: But if not, there's always the army. The infantry.
Pam: Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Quote from Michael Scott

Gabe: Most of our business comes from selling printers. So don't think of yourselves as paper salesmen anymore, but as printer salesmen who also sell paper.
Michael Scott: Perfect.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: No. Don't like that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Meredith: Hey, who the hell's going through our stuff?
Gabe: Actually, that's Nick. He's your new IT guy. Uh, he's setting up a site blocker. Mostly blocking the inappropriate sites. And then there are the time-wasting sites like Twitter, YouTube. We are blocking those as well.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Mm, nope. Don't like that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Gabe: Okay, did everyone get one? With these bottles, we eliminate the need for plastic water bottles, which are the scourge of the environment.
Michael Scott: We'll still get to use the little cups, though, right?
Gabe: Little cups? Like paper or plastic or... ?
Michael Scott: I don't know what they're made of.
Dwight K. Schrute: They're 2 ounce paper cups dipped in plastic. He goes through 20 a day.
Gabe: Okay, well, I bet you can fit 20 little cups of water in your aluminum bottle.
Michael Scott: You know what can't fit in a bottle, are the 20 little trips I take to the cooler, and the 20 little scans I do of everybody to make sure everything's running smoothly. And the 20 little conversations that I have with Stanley.
Stanley: That's okay.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I don't want to appear ungrateful for everything Sabre's doing for us.
Gabe: Oh, I don't get that sense at all from you, so...
Michael Scott: Well, you should have a little. But it's great that you don't, because I am trying to embrace all of these changes, but I'm- I'll be honest, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a couple of 'em.
Gabe: Which ones?
Michael Scott: Ah. All of them.

Quote from Jo

Jo: [on video chat] Hey, Buddy. Is it something I said?
Michael Scott: Hello. No. My name's Michael Scott. Hello.
Jo: Oh, hello, Mr. Scott. Pleased to meet you.
Michael Scott: Nice to meet you. We are very excited about the merger with Sabre. I think you have a great accent.
Jo: Aw, thank you. I've been working on it since I was a little girl. To, um, to what do I owe the pleasure of this video chat?
Michael Scott: Well, I am little concerned with all of these changes, to be quite frank. I think we have done things a certain way here at Dunder Mifflin for quite some time, and-
Jo: Pardon. Pardon me, Mr. Scott, but the last time I saw a company as mismanaged as Dunder Mifflin, it was my grandson's snowball company, so you'll excuse me if I prefer that you all adapt to the way that we do things.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay. I feel very strongly that you can't just come in here and change everything that people have been doing forever. Is Christian Slater back there? Because... he knows. He'd know what to do.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I have come here today to talk to Mr. David Wallace about this whole thing going on with Sabre. He will know exactly what to do. He is not a big fan of me dropping by announced. But then again, who is?

Quote from David

Michael Scott: Wow. Oh, yummy. You have got the life, my friend.
David: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Can I just stay here and never go back?
David: Things not going so well there?
Michael Scott: Oh, man. How much time do you have?
David: I have a doctor's appointment next Thursday.

Quote from David

David: I want to tell you about a business idea I have.
Michael Scott: Okay.
David: Okay? You know how kids leave their toys everywhere? Okay. So this is a vacuum. It's like a shop-vac type of thing. [vacuum noise] Teaches kids how to pick up their own toys. Right? Baseball gloves, hackysacks, drumsticks. [sucking noise] Picks it up!
Michael Scott: So the kid's making the noise to pick it up?
David: No. No, no, no. That's the- That's the vacuum noise.
Michael Scott: Oh, okay.
David: You- You don't like it?
Michael Scott: No, I think it is-
David: No, it's okay. Another guy from Dunder Mifflin, Arnie from Research, he's gonna draw up the prototype. And, uh... It's like shop-vac. [sucking noise] Did I say that?
Michael Scott: Yep.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, that's not the David Wallace that I remember. [as Michael reverses out of the driveway, Wallace follows him waving] That is some sort of weird creature that lives in David Wallace's house. Oh, my God. All right. Just get me out of here.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know when people say getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to them? I feel sorry for those people. That's the best thing? Really? G-uh.

Quote from Oscar

Michael Scott: Oh, yeah. [singing] I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you?
Erin: I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you?
Oscar: I think you don't know what you're saying.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Wow. Awesome. For accounting, a brand new printer. And for the sales staff, a new fax machine. This cord has Creed written all over it. And whoever would like a brand new scanner can come visit it in my office. Thank you.

Quote from Creed

Oscar: Did we try printer first, shredder at an angle?
Pam: Yep.
Oscar: Fax, cable, then the scanner upside down?
Pam: Yes.
Creed: Have you tried making everything smaller?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Wow. Really nice job. This group of people, when they put their minds together, they can do something great. And I think that you should all be proud of yourselves. [a cell phone can be heard ringing from the box]
Pam: Oh, Michael.
Michael Scott: Alright, relax. We can do it. We just did it. So we can do this again. Erin, scissor me please.
Pam: No, don't!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Welcome. Scranton hot dog from Scranton?
Michael Scott: You know what, Dwight? Let's give him a minute to settle in, shall we?

Quote from Michael Scott

Gabe: Um, hi, uh, my name is Gabe Lewis. I am coordinating director for merging regions.
Michael Scott: Hello, Gabe. I am Michael Scott, co-manager. This is my protege, Jim Halpert.
Jim: Co-manager, actually.
Michael Scott: In training.
Jim: Trained. Loving it. Good at it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: We have a little song prepared for you.
Gabe: Um, actually, if you don't mind, I would love to put this on the Sabre website. [pronounced "say-ber"]
Michael Scott: Sabre. Say-ber. Sabre.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh. Of course.
Michael Scott: Yes, say-ber. Good. Take it away guys.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Thank you. Hey, we should be fine if we leave around 11:20.
Pam: Oh, you mapquested it. It's four blocks away.
Jim: Well, now we won't get lost. Or we could drive. And that takes one minute.

Quote from Meredith

Gabe: At Sabre, we really encourage honest communication. You should always feel free to express your thoughts, your-
Meredith: Talk about vacation days!
Gabe: We have a policy here at Sabre where we are, uh, allowed to take two weeks.
Oscar: But I banked six weeks.
Angela: I already booked a Great Lakes cruise.

Quote from Pam

Jim: Okay, this is officially the cutest thing I've ever seen. Cubbies. I totally forgot about cubbies.
Pam: There's a finger-painting station and a curly slide. Am I too old to go here?

Quote from Andy

Andy: I am telling you, there are no strawberries in here.
Erin: Well, I saw them in there.
Andy: Well, maybe they ran away, because the pizza was like, [Italian accent] "Hey, get out of here, you stupid strawberries."
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I think when Andy finally asks me out he's going to try to top what he did with the drum line. I can't wait to see what he comes up with.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: The ball's totally in Erin's court. After the whole drum line thing.

Quote from Jo

Gabe: [on video chat] First let me say that I told them everything you wanted me to say, in just the way you wanted me to say it, so...
Jo: Gabe, honey, I love this. I love the sound of your voice. But I really need some new information now.
Gabe: Okay, um, I told the story of your uncle, and I have a feeling that you would have [Michael gesturing behind computer] really been proud of the way... Okay, um...
Jo: Wait a minute, who is it? Who's there? Is there somebody in the room with you? [Michael gesturing "no"] I want to see who it is. Turn me around.
Gabe: I don't- it's just...
Jo: Turn me around. Now.

Quote from Jim

Jerry: Good to see you. Come on in. My office is right back here. This is the play room.
Jim: This is great. Got to confess, we came a little early, so we got a quick look around, but, uh -
Jerry: Oh, so you saw it already?
Jim: No, no, no, no. Yes. We saw this, yes. No, it wasn't like a look around. We really just had a peek. Quick peek. Didn't focus on anything in particular.

Quote from David

Mrs. Wallace: Hey, honey. How's your day going? Did you do anything cool?
David: Uh, no, sweetie. I just hung out.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, 'cause I saw you had shoes on, so I didn't know if you did anything.
David: No. Just hanging out, honey. You remember Michael.

Quote from Jim

Jim: There was one thing we were curious about, uh, your flexibility on things like Easter or Memorial Day, because we might want to change our days around a little bit.
Jerry: That seems a bit premature, don't you think? I don't even know if I have a space for you yet, and you're already lining up your holiday plans.
Jim: Oh, no, sorry. Just, um, we're kind of planners. But we're also flexible too, so you know what? Maybe we can just discuss it when the time comes.
Jerry: Yeah, if the time comes, we can discuss it.
Pam: Is this because Jim walked in on you going to the bathroom?
Jim: What?
Jerry: Seriously? You told her?
Jim: Did it? It- It might have come up while we were waiting for you.
Jerry: And you- You thought that might have something to do with how the meeting is going?
Jim: No.
Pam: Maybe, because it doesn't seem to be going super well.
Jerry: Well, you didn't consider the fact that it might not be going super well just because it might not be going super well?
Pam: Nope. 'Cause we're really nice people but you don't seem to like us.
Jerry: I'm being perfectly pleasant. Did you ever consider that you might not be as charming as you think you are?
Jim: Oh, this coming from the guy who still uses a children's toilet? Why didn't you just lock the door, man?
Jerry: It doesn't lock for the children's safety.
Jim: Anybody could have walked in.
Jerry: It was story time.

Quote from David

Michael Scott: Sabre is changing everything. Site blockers. They don't let us use cups. So I started thinking, who could handle this? Who would know what to do? David Wallace would know what to do. What should I do, David Wallace?
David: I don't know. I mean, what can you do?
Michael Scott: Exactly. What are you thinking?
David: I- I- It's a tough one.
Michael Scott: It is a tough one.
David: I don't have any ideas for you there.
Michael Scott: Yeah. But one would be good.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Hey, any fun weekend plans?
Erin: No, you?
Andy: Uh, no, actually. So nothing? No movies, or parties, or anything you might want to invite someone to?
Erin: Nothing. It's wide open.
Andy: Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: That's as hard as I can hint.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, I'm not really one for making speeches.
Oscar: Yes.
Angela: Yes, you are.
Kevin: You make a lot.
Michael Scott: But I feel pretty good right now. I really do. A lot better than I did earlier. Let me tell you.
Angela: That's your toast?
Michael Scott: No. This is my toast. I think this whole thing with Sabre is going to work out. I have a very good feeling about it.
Phyllis: Michael, this isn't a toast. You're just thinking out loud.
Michael Scott: Here's my toast. Orange juice is in here. And, like Saber, it is from Florida, and it is good.
Kevin: Just 'cause you have liquid that doesn't make it a toast.
Michael Scott: Here's the toast! I'm gonna do it now. Raise your container to us and to Sabre.
All: To us and to Sabre.
Michael Scott: Mm. Wow. That is metallicy. Ugh. That's like drinking a battery. Ah, really gets you in the fillings, doesn't it? Okay, anyway, welcome.

Quote from David

David: [singing and playing keyboard as his son, Teddy, plays the drums] Well, it's a mess, what a mess. What you gonna do? You're going to take out your Suck It and you suck it. Suck it. Yeah, take out your Suck It and you suck it.
Teddy: Suck it!
David: Yeah!
Teddy: Suck it!
David: Yeah!
Teddy: Suck it!
David: Yeah! Take out the Suck It and we'll...
Teddy: Suck it!
David: Yeah!
Teddy: Suck it!
David: Yeah!
Both: Take out my Suck It and we'll suck it.
David: Yeah! Teddy!
Teddy: Yeah.


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