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‘Moving On’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: Moving On

916. Moving On

Aired February 14, 2013

Andy tries to break up Erin and Pete. When Pam goes for a job interview in Philadelphia, her prospective boss reminds her of Michael Scott. Meanwhile, Angela helps Dwight care for his elderly aunt.

Quote from Pam

Mark: Hi, I'm Mark.
Pam: Hi, Pam, hello.
Mark: I'm the horrible boss around here, but please don't hire Jamie Foxx to kill me. D'Jango! I don't agree with the use of the "N" word in that movie. It's, it's too soon.
Pam: I'm Pam Halpert.
Mark: Oh, hi. They call me Marky Mark around here, because here at Simon Realty, we are one funky bunch! Come on you guys, raise the roof when I say that! I- What are you all temps again today? Let's go, Gangnam style. [laughs] He's heard Gangnam style, he knows it. Right? That's cause he's American. This is Carl. Uh, he's from here. He's from our neck of the woods. But Gangnam style is great, isn't it?
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Oh my god. He's Michael Scott!


Quote from Pam

Pam: Jim set up a job interview for me today in Philly. It's, um, with a real estate company, which is a great fit for me because I live in a house and I know what a bathroom is. [laughs] I'm sorry, I am just very nervous because honestly this is all moving a lot faster than I expected. And, and because my resume can fit on a post-it note.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] No, don't just let her eat the grass, she'll puke it right up. Okay, just put out two bowls and see which feed she prefers. I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your precious time, Mose, but she's your aunt too. Fine. I'll see what I can do.

Quote from Pam

Mark: [showing Pam around the Simon Property office] This is not an office so much as it is a uh, rec room with a bunch of computers in it. Frankly, if I had my way, I'd toss the computers in the gar-bage. But unfortunately we use them for practically everything we do. So that ain't gonna happen. He's a temp, don't worry about him. Alice! Alright, stay awake, okay?

Quote from Pam

Mark: [to Pam] My aunt Joan. Oh, uh well, she uh, she worked here before I did, so there's no nepotism involved. In fact, to be honest with you I'm probably a little harder on her than I am on the rest of these people. Can you not work on this... Work on this month's, okay, Nana? Uh, when I say "chillax", people chillax. Watch this. Hey Roger, chillax! Must not have heard me.
Roger: No. I heard you.
Mark: Step this way for The Spanish Inquisition! [laughs] Kids in the Hall. Just, it's not high pressure. Just a little Coffee Talk. Ok? Like butta. Come on in here. Mike Myers.
Pam: [mouths] Oh my god!

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: Well, the good news is no more guilty conscience. At least you know he is the strangler. The proof is in the grip. Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? [Toby nods in his neck brace] One week? [Toby shakes head] Okay, two weeks? [Toby nods] Okay. You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice. Isn't that the expression? No. Well, anyway, it was, it was very brave. It really was quite brave.

Quote from Meredith

Andy: Thank you! Thanks. Thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. You guys are supposed to have my back, okay? Instead you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.
Meredith: Hey, boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks, I emailed him shots of my junk....
Andy: Ugh.
Meredith: Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.

Quote from Gabe

Alice: So you're dating a secretary now? Moving up in the world, Pete.
Pete: She's nice to me.
Alice: How's that P.E. degree coming? That's what he wanted to be. His dream in college was to be a gym teacher.
Erin: Well, guess what? He could still be a gym teacher. In fact, we could all still be gym teachers, so, let's-
Gabe: I technically cannot. I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle.
Pete: Oh, my God.

Quote from Gabe

Creed: Hey, Erin, look who's back. The bird man.
Gabe: Hello beautiful.
Kevin: Didn't you two used to do it?
Gabe: We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that.

Quote from Stanley

Pam: He sounds like a wounded animal.
Stanley: Should've put him out of his misery and just fired him.
Phyllis: I can't be around sad people, it makes me sad.
Stanley: I'm the same way with horny people.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Yes. Pete and I have started seeing each other and Andy still doesn't know. We thought that keeping it secret was more considerate to him. And hot for us. I mean, I saw Pete's butt. It's sick.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [jumps out from behind the vending machine] I need you.
Angela: Ah! Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: And you should take breaks more often, I've been waiting there for 45 minutes.
Angela: What? What is it?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's my aunt Shirley. She's on her last legs.
Angela: Dwight, that's awful.
Dwight K. Schrute: You have no idea. I mean her hair, clothes, it's all falling off in great big clumps. And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. We had a nurse, but she quit because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley.
Angela: What do you mean by poisoned?
Dwight K. Schrute: Probably nothing. Or strychnine. Or lemonade and strychnine. Which is actually what it was.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: Okay, well I'm very sorry about your aunt.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you.
Angela: But I don't see how this is my problem.
Dwight K. Schrute: Angela. You owe me one, remember? Now please, she's an old woman Angela. She needs a woman's touch. It's all hanging out-
Angela: Ugh.
Dwight K. Schrute: And there's parts of her I don't even recognize.
Angela: Gah.
Dwight K. Schrute: There's this one hanging part in particular, that's some sort of flap.
Angela: It's fine.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's like a prehensile wing or something, you know?
Angela: Ugh! God, I can't. OK, I'll-
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a divet...
Angela: I'll help you!
Dwight K. Schrute: ..where it was and it needs, it needs a...
Angela: Ugh.

Quote from Andy

Pete: I don't know. Women do tend to move on quicker than men.
Andy: Survey says: Eh! Doesn't make me feel better at all. Zero Clark Thirty, what do you got?
Clark: Look at it this way, being a bachelor is not all bad. I mean, you've got your freedom now.
Andy: Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and I ate it over the sink like a rat.
Clark: There you go. Good for you.
Andy: No.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Aunt Shirley, Hello! It's me Dwight.
Shirley: Oh, lookie here. It's big city Dwight. Careful you don't get mud on those fancy town shoes, big city Dwight.
Angela: Hello, Aunt Shirley.
Shirley: Who's this little kitchen witch? She's so tiny like a little kitchen witch.
Dwight K. Schrute: This is Angela, and we brought you some new clothes!
Shirley: New clothes? What for? [Aunt Shirley's boob shows]
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay.
Angela: Oh, God.

Quote from Pete

Andy: Darryl, Clark, Toby, Kevin, Plop, take a knee. Alright, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. Uh, couldn't shake this feeling that Erin's dating someone so I looked at her phone.
Darryl: Man, you can't do that stuff. You'll only find pain. When my ex-wife got into my e-mail account, she was devastated.
Andy: Too late. I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. Does anybody know a Pete?
Kevin: Pete...
Clark: Hmm.
Kevin: Pete what?
[aside to camera:]
Pete: It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me Plop for so long, he forgot my real name. Which is Pete.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: Gosh, she drank so much. And so quickly.
Dwight K. Schrute: In her prime, Shirles could put away homemade schnapps morning noon and night.
Shirley: [coughs and laughs in her sleep]
Dwight K. Schrute: Now all it takes is half a liter. She's dreaming. Alright, let's get her out to the yard so you can spray her down.
Angela: Spray her down?
Dwight K. Schrute: No, it's a lot better than it sounds. There's a private shower area. Very tasteful, very rustic.

Quote from Toby

Toby: You can't fire Pete. You understand why, right?
Andy: No.
Toby: Oh, Andy, we had this exact same conversation when you wanted to get rid of Nellie. You can't just get rid of people over grudges.
Andy: Nellie was a professional grudge. This is a purely personal grudge.
Toby: Alright, well look. While I have you here, this is a relationship disclosure form for Pete & Erin.
Andy: They already have a contract? "Mutually agree to-" Ah, every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch.
Toby: It's just boiler plating, you don't have to read it.
Andy: Well, I'm not signing away my rights.
Toby: I already signed it. I was just showing you.
Andy: Okay, well we'll see about that. [crumples paper]
Toby: Andy, it's not the original. And destroying it will not stop them from dating. Andy. [Andy throws paper at him and leaves. Toby straightens the paper out] It's the original.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Shirley: Time to get clean!
Dwight K. Schrute: It's hosing time, Aunt Shirley, have a seat. You're gonna have a hard time hearing her over the roar of the hose.
Angela: You have to use chains?
Dwight K. Schrute: You'll see. Here we go.
Shirley: Let's get this show on the road.
Dwight K. Schrute: Let's do it! Ready? Here's a box cutter to get her clothes off.
Angela: Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: Let's get to it.
Angela: No! No!
Dwight K. Schrute: Give it a whirl.
Angela: Dwight, I am not gonna hose your aunt down like some animal.
Shirley: Stop your belly-aching and hose me.
Dwight K. Schrute: I need you to hose my aunt.
Angela: No, Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, you are useless.
Angela: No, Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: Give me the hose!
Angela: No Dwight, I won't- [hoses Dwight]
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah! OK!
Angela: [grunting] I'm gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut like a lady! And you two are gonna shut up about it! Do you have a bathtub?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes ma'am.
Angela: Good.

Quote from Pam

Mark: This is a tiny resume. Papa Smurf! Come back to the mushroom. [Pam laughs] From The Smurfs Movie.
Pam: Yeah, I've seen that with my kids. Um, it is tiny, but I've actually been commissioned by the City of Scranton to paint a mural-
Mark: What does this say here? To ti te per tat... What language is this? Swahili? Oh wait a second [turns paper around], now I can read it.
Pam: Oh, cause it was upside down. [both laugh]
Mark: You're a good audience. [Pam laughs]
Pam: So um-
Mark: Unlike some of these people around here.
Pam: Yeah, the um, the city commissioned me to do the-
Mark: Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. But I like this resume and here's why. It shows that you stick around. Yeah. You don't jump ship easily. Like a lot of these people. [sighs] I mean they worship me you know? But do they like me? I mean, you think they like me, Pam?
Pam: Yes.
Mark: [gets guitar] What if Bob Dylan was your boss? I'm gonna do Dylan! [playing guitar and singing as Bob Dylan] Pam Halpert is my name, and I've been at Dunder Mifflin for seven years? Eight years? Eight years, man. Got the Dunder Mifflin blues. Got the Pam Halpert blues. Got the pra- Went to the Pratt Institute...You have children?
Pam: Two children, yes.
Mark: You wrote Art and Painting, kinda the same thing. Kinda the same thing. Sometimes I repeat myself, but that's just being Pam. Well, I'm kinda cute and I'm- but I'm married so...leave that be.

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