Kelly Kapoor Quotes Page 1 of 9

Quote from Nepotism

Kelly: This summer, I did the minority executive training program at Yale. You guys, I'm, like, really smart now. You don't even know. You could ask me, "Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?" And I'd be like, "blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah," giving you the exact right answer.


Quote from Classy Christmas

Holly: Okay, listen, I'm gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose by the end of this year, we're over.
Pam: Wow, an ultimatum.
Holly: Yeah.
Pam: It doesn't really seem like you.
Kelly: That is a great idea. Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.

Quote from Search Committee

Kelly: What was that?
Gabe: We just have a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so...
Kelly: Am I not a serious candidate?
Gabe: What do you want me to say? I mean, there's a line of qualified people out there. We have a video CV from England. [to Jim and Toby] Are we all just gonna pretend to-- okay. [to Kelly] Um, what are your weaknesses?
Kelly: I don't have any, ass[bleep].

Quote from Goodbye, Michael

Kelly: I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.

Quote from Dwight's Speech

Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston.

Quote from The Inner Circle

Ryan: Hey! Kelly, that's the last time I'm gonna talk to you about your paycheck! Okay? We pay you a fair salary here, and if you're only here for the money, maybe you shouldn't be here at all.
Deangelo: No one likes a money grubber.
Kelly: I'm sorry, Mr. Howard, I apologize for grubbing for money. I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. Deangelo, Ryan is not my boss. Okay? Frankly, he hasn't had a real job here in years.
Deangelo: Ohh.
Ryan: Oh, that's hilarious, Kelly.
Kelly: No, he's just a big fraud, Deangelo. He's like Rango. He doesn't work here, basically. Just like the way Rango didn't save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager

Kelly: Dwight, I would like tomorrow off so that I can go on my American Idol audition.
Dwight K. Schrute: American Idol? What? No.
Kelly: Okay. I guess I can just not go. Do you guys wanna hear my solo?
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Kelly: [singing] Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree?
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, fine. You can go on your singing audition.

Quote from Goodbye, Toby

Kelly: I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit and get my hair done. And then be, like, "Hi, Ryan." And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, "Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison."

Quote from New Guys

Toby: Kelly Kapoor is gone. Her fiancé Ravi was hired as a pediatrics professor at Miami university.
Kelly: [tossing out her winter coats] I don't need 'em anymore. I am going to Miami, bee-yotches. To hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan.
Toby: Miami University in Ohio. On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused about it. Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio, for what he claimed were unrelated reasons.

Quote from Safety Training

Kelly: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four, number six becomes number five, number three becomes number two, etcetera, etcetera. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what, now I want to see Love Actually again, but it's at the bottom of the queue. Oh, no, what do I do? What I do is this. I go online, I go click, click, click and I change the order of the queue, so that I can see Love Actually as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works?
Ryan: I guess I forgot. [kisses Kelly]
Kelly: You're such a ditz.
Kevin: Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.

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